~THIS IS ABOUT ME AND MY LIFE~

~leaving or not leaving??~

2010-05-25T20:51:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking about starting blogging once again. i had failed to do so last year and i hope at this point of time, it will not be too late too start a new chapter in my life as i did start a new one a couple of weeks ago..so, i'm thinking of leaving this blog with all its histories behind and start a new one in another blog..i'm thinking of wordpress. i will leave the new blog address soon..so wait for me..

~anxiety~

2010-03-07T22:03:00.000+08:00

anxiety has filled my life even in simplest as what to eat for breakfast.. i have worries and these worries won't disappear until the big day..pray that i will have the strength to overcome these anxieties and be strong in every day of my life.

~i have to do it all~

2010-01-16T17:12:00.002+08:00

~just because i am new to the system, doesn't mean that i don't have to do it..now, i realize, teaching is only the tip of the iceberg. lotsa things have to be done by the teacher so as to call it 'TEACHER". it is so stressful at first because i had no ideas on what was i supposed to do. imagine, on the first day itself, i had allllllllllll my posts:

the class teacher for Year 1G.
the vice secretary for SMM.
The new pentaksir sekolah.
The new advisor of the English Club.
n more to come...

i had to 'babysit' all the Year 1 students from the very first day and i cried at that instance knowing that i don't like small kids. but, what options did i have at that time. surrender or never give up. i chose the later one coz, i ain't a quitter.. but now, because i ain't a quitter, i have to do it all...........

Until then, finger crossed and hope for the best,

Sufyana.

~action song~

2010-01-16T16:51:00.000+08:00

~huhu..despite all the sad things that i've felt for these couples of weeks, i actually have something that is very fun to do with or should i say work on with..my new task as a new member of the English Department is to find 15 students who will be representing the school to the Zone level for Action Song.. i heard bout this action song for quite a few time from my beloved mother.so i was not that shocked when they gave me this new job. i know what i have to do, n i promise, i will do it with my very best..i will do my very best and win the competition.if i win, this will be a huge present for me as a beginning teacher. apart from that, my name will also be known in the Pontian, and this will help me in the process of 'pengesahan jawatan'..~

Until then, fingers crossed and hope for the best,

Sufyana

What are you to me?

2010-01-16T16:36:00.003+08:00

~u r never there for me..never there to dry up my tears..never there to make me smile..never there to comfort me when i am down..so, what are u to me?

~is this for real~

2009-12-29T12:17:00.000+08:00

haih..i woke up early this morning just to call u.but even after 2 hours u still did not pick up my phone..why u did this to me?aren't you happy i'm going to see u?why didn't you tell me the truth?i'm going to try to reach u again this evening.hope you won't disappoint me this time. even i am not in love with you, i still want to meet u..because u r my future..please..please pick up the phne..

p/s: i didn't know why i pressed the strikethrough button..that's why my entry this time looks like this..guess, it was my silly mistake then.hahahha

~finding rocks~

2009-12-28T18:19:00.000+08:00

aiyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..it's so exhausting..even when i did not go anywhere to find the rocks..it is sooooooooo hard to pull the rocks out and now, my back is aching..i have not done it yet but i told my ma, i want to take a rest..just for a few minutes..guess i will be long after all..our new compound has sooooooo many rocks that my ma just refuse to go to the nearby waterfall to collect the rocks..she says, why waste so much energy and petrol if you have it in your own backyard..emm..guess i would not have the chance to go to the waterfall la.........hehhehe..=) tiring but i enjoy it very much.

Love,

Sufyana

~chipsmore~

2009-12-28T15:25:00.002+08:00

i love chipsmore.

i miss chipsmore.

i want to go out with my chipsmore.

i want to hold his hands.

i want to eat with him.

i want to laugh with him.

i want to be near him.

i want to see him..ALWAYS..ALL THE TIME.

I WANT HIM.

~Happy 29th Anniversary~

2009-12-28T14:24:00.002+08:00

Happy 29th Anniversary to my mother and father. i love u both the most..i'm happy that our family is still strong until now..i'm grateful i was born to this family. even though we have our shortcomings, we still survive it and still be together.. i love you and God blesses both of you and our family..i'm hoping that one day, my children will wish the same thing for me and Chipsmore..

Fingers crossed and hope for the best,

Sufyana.

~hahahha..my mom just don't want to listen~

2009-12-28T14:15:00.002+08:00

heheheh..it's very difficult to talk to my mom about the IT thingy..she just won't believe what i tell her.hahahha..just now, she asked me if i could help her with her Excel. i said," i'll try my best". hahahha.. i told her to highlight all the items and press the CTRl and C buttons. but she did not listen to me and kept arguing with me. her reason was, she was afraid that i would ruin all the info and made her to start typing the data all over again..but hey, i'm quite good with computer..hahahhaha..i told her, "mama, biar opie buat,,mama ni slow la"...hahahha..statement anak derhaka tu..hahhaha..but, my intention was good and i just wanted to help her with her work.so that she could have done with it and chat to me..hoho..selfish thought..but, i only have few days left before i go to Johore..that's sucks..emmm..=(

Until the, fingers crossed and hope for the best,

Sufyana.

~Twitter~

2009-12-28T13:40:00.002+08:00

i'm trying for the third time to log in to my Twitter account but all i get just the same results. the session is temporarily disconnected....oooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiii..tension.tension.. with the good internet connection, i want to update all my webby thingy..hehhehe..so that, when i'm away, people who miss me can still read something about me..hahahhaha..perasan..

Finger crossed and hope for the best,

Sufyana

~posting~

2009-12-28T13:00:00.002+08:00

emm..i'm not so happy about my posting..it's sooooooo far away and i did not even mention the state in my posting form..i'm not sure what my future teaching will be but i am definitely certain about my not-going-to-stay-there policy. i have nothing against the state but my heart just doesn't belong there. i want to teach in the northern states. not necessarily near my homes but i guess i like it much more here..emm..sad beginning for the year 2010 and i'm sure i will have to face more difficulties as the year unfolds.. ok, about my posting, i will be teaching in Johore for next year and maybe the year after next year or maybe just as long as i'm in the system. Whereabout in Johore is still unconfirmed and i need to call JPN Johore tomorrow for the details. so, hope that i will be posted to the school which has easy access to public transports and shops..hehhehe

and until the, finger crossed and hope for the best,

sufyana

~Graduation vs. Reception~

2009-12-28T12:23:00.005+08:00

emm..i'm in dillema..i don't know what to choose between the twos..i want to be greedy but i certainly can't.what do i have to do..the discussion that i had with my fiance a few days ago sent me back to my dillema. i have to make my decision and choose between the twos. so much complication arises as we both have lots of issues to tackle before we can be ONE. i have to think definitely about MONEY and he has to think about two most important thing, MONEY and the AVAILABILITY OF THE DATE (for sword barrel, kenduri n etc. etc.)..now, i don't really know what matters the most to me..me standing on in front of everyone else receive my degree or me also standing in front of every one else, in my white dress...oh GOD...please help me..let me see what are Your installment for me next year so that i don't have to worry on those unnecessary things..

Fingers crossed and hope for the best,

Sufyana

~new sanctuary~

2009-12-28T11:53:00.007+08:00

i' updating this blog at my new home.feel glad because the internet connection that we have here is soooooooooooooo much better than we have in Gurun..hahhaha..now, i have lots of reasons to follow my family here. even though i don't really do any work that can help my father or my lil brother, still the fact that we are together in this new home makes me smile endlessly..even though my fiance is currently disconnected with me, i am happy because i am with my family..this is a new sanctuary for me and i'm glad i can be here..

i am back..for now..i guess

2009-12-16T10:32:00.002+08:00

hi all..i am not sure what to write at this point of time coz i have nothing in my mind right now..i'm thinking about my lunch.about my weight and seriously nothing important in particular. i tried to gear down my thoughts as a new teacher to be, but i just failed to do so. maybe i am not ready to face the reality yet. I AM NOT READY TO BE A TEACHER.not yet.but what am i going to do..i have to serve at least 4 years before i can start cracking my brain on what i want to do with my life. now, i am enjoying my life as a student. doing things that only matter to me and taking all the pleasure to myself. that is all for now..i am thinking of doing major changes to my image next year and they include this blog as well.maybe i shpould change the title, the layout, or even my writing style.not sure yet but hopefully i will get it done before the end of this year so that the next year will all be new and fresh..

why am I still here?

2009-09-01T11:27:00.000+08:00

::what's wrong with that face?::

2009-05-14T19:21:00.003+08:00

what's wrong with that face???

the one thing that causes so much troubles..so much heartbreak.sheds too many tears..causes so many insomniac to me..emm..

because..HE IS AZROL LOOK-ALIKE..

how painful life can be when the one person that you once loved the most in the world appears in front of your own eyes when you really really want to "erase" him from your memory.
how cruel life can be when you see the look-alike is going out with someone else...you know it is none of your business but still seeing the face tears your heart apart..
i don't want to see your face ever again.not even your look-alike..i don't want anything to do with him..with you..or everything revolves around you..

huhu..it is okay..another 2 months left..then..i'll be busy with my new school. then, i'll be posted in -don't-know-where..

but it's okay...new atmosphere...new surrounding...new heart...new life...

how i wish...

2009-05-13T15:03:00.006+08:00

how i wish...

i don't have to feel the heartbreak.
i don't know him from the beginning of my blossoming teenage years.
i don't know how was it feel to be loved and love someone else.
i don't even know his phone number.
i don't even meet him in the first place..
i don't know chipsmore.
i don't even get attached with him.
i don't know his history.
i don't know his ex-es
i don't add them in my friendster.
i don't feel the insecurity.
i don't feel like i'm not good enough to be with him.
i don't feel less beauty than she is.
i don't have to seek assuring words from my friends saying i'm a lot better than she is even though i know, deep down, what matters the most is how he feels towards me. what he thinks of me..
I DON'T HAVE TO BE THE SECOND BEST IN HIS LIFE. ='(

lotsa crying done..em not sure what will be happening next..i'm trying to emotionally detach myself from him..trying not to develop any more feeling..let the feeling stay as it is now..=(

::promises::

2009-05-11T23:47:00.005+08:00

memm..several promises have been made by myself early on this year..so far, still not able to keep those promises fully..i mean sometimes rsa cam dh tunaikan, but at times i really feel i go against the promises..humm..

1. nk diet..tp bukanla xmkan..just xnk mkn nsi mlam2..
2.xnk call azrol lg..but the last time i called him, i asked him for my money back..and so..i broke the promises i made with my mom

a. not to remember him ever again.
b. not to call him even if i have to die alone in my bed.hahahha..exagerating...i know..tp sje je nk kasi lebih umppphhhh..hahhaha..

3. nk publish one entry at least per day..tp tula.tgkla..bulan 5 bru start nk bt blog..umm..cmne?fail x?
4.rsa bersyukur n bhagia setiap hari yg aku lalui xkra with or without love..kna prepare for the worst..but alhamdulillah, now, ada chipsmore, i can breathe easy one more time..huhu..
5. nk bt asignmnt awl sbb xnk rush..so blh rehat..but so far, until the very last assignment i still did the last minute work..and, so far xtau lg result dia cmne..aihhhh..prepare2..
6. xnk boros..n this is the promise that i wont be able to keep until forever i guess..aaaaaaaaaaaaa..cmne..duet sudaaaa tiada...=(....hahhahahha..pdan muka..

that's all..mlas nk tlis dh..tkar sejdah dh terbentang..tp aku dok blogging plak..em.gtg

missing chipsmore..=(

happy mother's day..

2009-05-10T18:54:00.002+08:00

mama.. i love you..
thanx for everything that you've done to me..
love you..love you..love you..
love you more than anything in this world..
mmmuuuaaaxxxxxxx..=)

~emm..yesterday was the worst day of my life~

2009-05-04T19:29:00.003+08:00

uhuk2..bgn pg rsa nk demam lg..
astu mlas nk baca buku.
rsa cam nk tdo je tiap msa..
xnk bgn..n xnk amik exam..parah okesss...
astu missing my chipsmore..again for what..zillionth times..hehhehe..(ada ke zillion)
emm..astu bt plan mkan ngn ida bebeh..nk g amcorp.mkn2 kt rakthai..
ok..this is the start of the bad start for today....
looking for my purse..trying to find:

money
i.c

both went missing..the first one, i did find some money..just a bit but enuff for me to go n eat at amcorp..but the second one, was totally missing..could not find it anywhere in my safe-keeping..meroyan okess..dh serabut pala ak cri i.c..pntg tau..like my chipsmore said..xde i.c xde kwin..haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...so saiko..
tp yg peliknya, i went to amcorp even though i was officially at that time illegal immigrant.hahhaha..elok kena tgkap..jd minah endon aku..huhu..i went there..ate until my stomach hurt and ached..huhu..came back..could not sleep because of my missing i.c..humm..decided to keep it as a secret from my mother..but told her anyway..oo Gosh..could keep a secret from her..not even a bit..emm..meroyan stage 3 where i had to read for today exam.could not sleep until 4 a.m. this morning and sat in the examination hall with half of my name already written in the repeat list..oo my GOD..why?

emm..adkah sbb ak ska bergosip..so xley jwab exam?uhuk2..sedeynya..=(

credit to Jannah..hehhe..for making the skin of my blog..a REALITY..huhu=)

2009-05-02T21:57:00.002+08:00

emm.. i tried to upload the skin as i told u before for two hours..but to my dismay, when i uploaded the skin, the words went missing and when i restored back the words, the skin had gone to unknown place..so frustrating ok..so, i ym-ed jannah my rumate whom at that time was not here by my side to help me with this blog thingy..so she told me..

.."xpela sue..xyah ssah2..nnt jan tlg tgkkn..esok pg jan dh blik.."..so i told her.. "ok jan..come back as soon as possible..missing u.."

heheh..so, earlier that morning she came back to this room..but i did not ask her since i know she was pretty busy at that time..so i waited..but when maghrib came and she asked me.."sue, biar jan tgk2 kn blog sue ek"..i felt overwhelmed.."yes..finally i can have the skin potrayed on my blog"..huhu..

n here it is..hsil usaha jan yg xspi 5 mnt..hahhaha..so, the post before where i said, cute x tu, msa tu xde apa lg blog ni..empty..nmpk itik je..hahhahah..sorry..tp nk jgk credit tu...hhahah.=)

uhuk2..demam..i hate it..='(

2009-05-02T20:51:00.002+08:00

uhuk2..simptom2 demam yg biasa jd pda aku:

lenguh-lenguh badan
sakit kerongkong
xlrat nk bgun
tkut kena air..sejuk!!!
kurang makan skit je..uhuk2
asyik rsa nk bad mood
emm..penin kpla..
xlarat..

emm..tu je kot simptom2 demam aku..tp xpuas hati..sbbnya nk exam lg seari..i can't afford to be sick at this point of time..cmne?cmne?emm..xpe kot..sbb td dh srh dat g beli panadol..so mlm ni kna rhat awl la..astu td yennah ckap mgkn terkena swine flu..keji la mulut cik yenn tu..uhuk2..rsa nk blik umah..ni konfem blik ni..=(

emmm..new start for this year

2009-05-02T00:47:00.003+08:00

hehhehe..a bit late to start now..but it is better late or never rite???hehhe..lotsa things happen to me this time around..dunno where to start..but i will start first by telling u how off task i am at this point of time..too off task to be told actually.hheheh..rite now, i shud be studying for the coming exam..not much time though..only few hours left..but hey, i'm only human and lazy human being like me, often off task..hheheh...i tried to change the layout for my blog almost for two hours..imagine what could i read during that two hours?ample rite..but nope..i did not do anything..aaaaaaaaaaaaa....it feels so rite when you do other things other than studying but if feels so tiring when u have to read books..especially for exam..=(

so, here it is..my end product of two beneficial hours..hahhaha..cute x?

p/s: missing chipsmore..waiting for the call..hehhe

::it is hard::

2008-11-14T21:31:00.000+08:00

u know, sometimes frenship can be hard..we never know what will happen in this relationship as we do not have total control in this relationship..n it is even harder when you have to choose btween two sides..i do not want to be burdened by this responsibilities as i think that you are all my frens..my dear frens..you are my frens because you are by my side when things are not going my way so i value all of you for that..so, please...stop being like this..can't we just be frens like we used to be before..=)

~to U~

2008-11-11T16:53:00.001+08:00

11/10/08

emm..sbnrnya kn..ssah nk gtau kt awk camne n apa yg sy rsa..sshla bila kta xknal sesama sendri n sy pun xtau smada sy blh pcya kn awk ke x..tu la msalhnya kn..2 ari b4 awk blik, awk ada ckap awk sukakan sy..tp mslahnya..lpas tu awk dh blik tmpat awk..n msa tu awk sendri ckap awk xkn blh cntct sy..memula sy ingt sy akn ok..tp x sbnrnya..sbnrnya, lpas awk bgtau aritu, sy dh rsa pelik2 ngan awk..sy rsa mgkn sy suka awk jgk..tp sy sendri pun xpsti..sy tkt nk berhadapan ngan prasaan sy sendri..sbbnya sy xtau pun apa yg awk rsa sbb awk tggl sy mcm tu je..dgn kta2, klu awk rndu awk akn msg mak sy mnta no sy dr dia..tp camne klu awk x rndu lpas tu??camne klu lpas awk xcntct ngan sy awk xrndu pun ngan sy..awk xigt pun sy n msa tu bru awk sdr sbnrnya awk sndri dh slah pham nagn prasaan awk sndri..tp sy xtau sbnrnya awk dh sdar yg awk slh..n sy trus je suka awk..mcm mna tu?skang ni..sy nk tdo pun xblh..asyik pk bnda bkn2 ni..sy pk kn lebih baik klu sy xtau pn bnda tu..sy rsa awk xptt bgtau sy bnda tu sbb awk akn tgglkan sy lpas tu..awk bkn ada ngn sy utk tjk kn pda sy bhwa awk ikhlas nk knal ngan sy..so sy xtau..sy pening kpla sbb bnda ni..sy xknal awl so sy xleh nk bt judgemt ats awk..sy xtau apa yg awk pk psal sy..kranya dlm keadaan ni, klu sy plh dia or awk pun, sy still akn jd jht..so, adakah awk dh bersedia nk kwan ngn sy yg jht ni?apa kta kwan2 awk?awk ada pk x sume bnda tu?mst kwan awk xkn suka sy..btul x?sape nk suka org cam sy..mgkn mula2 awk akn suka sy..tp lma2 bla awk dgr dr kwan2 awk..awk pn lmbt laun xkn suka sy lg..sy dh pk bnda ni sume awk..awk xamik risiko ni sorg2..sy pun ada jgk dlm bnda ni..n sy xtau mcm mna sy nk bgtau awk, btapa kompleks nye situasi skang ni..

apa mksd awk bla awk ckap awk suka sy?apa mksdnya?adakah awk akn trus berusha utk memenangi hati sya or berserah je sbb awk dh tau sy dh ada yg lain?atau apa?sy xpham bila awk ckap awk suka sy tu..sy xtau apa yg awk pk..ok..klu dh lpas awk ckap apa yg awk rsa..awak suka sya..lpas tu apa?awk bt apa ngn feeling awk tu?awk bt apa ngn sy?sy ptt bt mcm mna?sy ptt jd apa?sy ptt lyn awk mcm mna?sy ptt ckap apa?sy xtau..sbb sy xpahm bila awk ckap mcm tu pd sya..skang ni awk xde..sy xtau nk tnya sape..so bila awk ckap awk suka sy, smpi bila2 ke awk akn suka sy??or msa cti ni awk blh brubah fkran ke x?awk akn stop suka sy ke x?awk akn bgtau sy x bila awk xska sy?bla awk akn cntct sy?adakah bila awk xcntct sy tu mksdnya awk dh xsuka sy?sy xtau.sy xtau bnda2 tu.n sy rsa sy perlu tau sume bnda2 tu...sy rsa nk ngs je skang..sbb apa yg sy pk skang mcm awk ckap awk suka n that's it..awk nk bg sy serabut.n awk nk bg sy suka awk n biar je..camne tu.tu je..sy xtau apa yg awk pk..seyesly rsa nk ngs je..haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

::~i HAVE to put an end to it~::

2008-11-11T15:39:00.000+08:00

the girl in the story told me that it is hard to be in her position..and i asked why???she said to me that..it is hard because it never ever happened before..this is the first time evr she meets with this kind of situation..after a long story session, i asked her to think about it thoroughly and decide what is the best for her..then, she told me that, she has put an end to the story and shewill go back and live my life normally as before..she doesn't want to hurt anyone..so, when the time comes, it will comes and she said that let not think about it first..she will deal the matter when the matter confronts her..she said that she doesn't want to force something that is just likely a "misunderstanding" and turn it into "reality"..so, i believe her and i wish her well..

Good luck dear!!!

::it is indeed a SURPRISE::

2008-11-10T11:07:00.000+08:00

i like the surprise..it told me something that i did not hear for quite a long time..or i never heard of such things mentioned to me..it was my first time..and i'm still in the cloud nine..ngeh2..happppppppppppppppppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..but, if the surprise was a little bit earlier, maybe i could turn it into reality...i really like it!!!..

::~membuat amal..amal ke~::ngeh2

2008-11-06T12:16:00.000+08:00

okies..ari rabu aritu..semalam la ye..aku pnye smgt bgn awl..xdela awl sgt..tp awl dua jam dr kebiasaan..aku nk g tnya st. vinnies kot2le ada yg boleh aku bntu..
sebenrnya, dlam hati nervous..kot2 le aku tetiba xleh ckap org putih ke..apa ke..yela..bukan nye korg xtau..aku mlas nk ckap omputih ni..n bila perlu ckap, mula la aku gelabah bewak..(biawak)..
aku pun bersiap seadanya..xnkla pki bju glamor sgt..kunun, sbb kdai tu cam kedai2 charity tu..so cam kena humble la..mekap pun xok..aku hnya apply lipbalm je..punya la nk bg nmpak natural gitew......heheh..
dh siap nk kuar, hujan plak..tp xpela..mmg dlm beg ada pyg pun..so trusla berjlan ke st. vinnies tu..msuk dlam tu..aku tgk ada sorg sepet ni tgh lyn customer kt counter..xkn aku nk p mnyibuk kt situ plak..aku pun bt2la tgk brg..tgk buku..n yg bestnya..ada stu buku kt situ yg best..chris manby (girls meet ape)..korg tau brapa hrga buku tu kt situ?2 dol je!!!!keji kn hrga die..mrah gile...tp aku xnkla shppng lg..kunun, aku budget..nnt bila aku dh memvolunteerkn diri aku kt sini, aku belila..
dh abis sepet tu lyan customer tu..aku pn dgn muka xmlu nye pergila tnya.."emm, do u need any volunteers right now"...sepet tu ckap.."yes, but i'll call the manager first"..so aku pun tggu lg la kt situ..tgk jam loceng plak..comel..10dol je..mrah kn..gila lah..astu manager dia dtg..smbg2 skit..tnya aku bt apa..dok kt mna..nape nk volunteer..astu tnya details aku..last2 dia ckap.."tgkla..nnt dia call sbb dia nk kena tgk roster dia dlu..so, mgkn ari khmis or jumaat ni i call"..so basically ni la yg aku dpt semlam..uncertainty..tp xpela..papepun aku dh try p tnya..so kalu xblh nk tlg, xblh la kn..camtu jela..heheh..
astu aku apa lg,,g jln2 west end borong bju la..hahahhaha..rsa gmbra plak sbb bt bnda baik..so, reward dri sendri..hehhehe..

for now, i'm still waiting for her call..tgkla camne..klu dpt, xdela buhsan aku dok kt umah nii

::~sy yg sentap~::

2008-11-04T23:02:00.001+08:00

dear blog,
arini..aku sgt sentap..tp aku rsa aku sentap bnda yg btul..n they should be ashamed for what they had done..hahhaha..
n, interstingly, bla aku xbt jhat, org lain akn sentiasa bt jht kt aku..so, apa yg ptt aku blja skang ni?pttkah aku berbuat jht selalu??humm..i think i have to do this..i have no choice..poor me..
n, yg peliknya..aku ni mmg xdlahirkan dgn kapasiti untk kissing asses..pelik kn..rmai org yg aku jmpa suka kiss ass..yep..u r right..kiss ass..klu even dia mrah pun, dia ttp play it cool..aku cam wonder, hti dia ni bt dri apa??xde rsa nk own up to die nye feeling ke??umm..tp yg pntg..org2 camni, siap kiss some asses org yg bt die sentap tu lg..yg tu lg aku pelik..mcm mna bnda blh jd camtu kn..aihh..pelik2..tp anyway..itu yg bt org suka org2 camni n sort of despise org2 cam aku..tp xpe..kita blh hdp tnpa org2 mcm ni..ngeh2..

sorryla..utk msa beberapa arini, mood aku akn mnjadi tdak elok..sgt tdak elok..tp..tula kn..dh ada org yg menyentapkan aku..hrusla kn aku sentap blik..bnda tu xyah ckap pun ptt dh pndi pk..

tp untuk meredakan marah aku ni, esok aku nk p bt amal bkti kt st. vinnies..i knw mny people will doubt this..tp aku akn prove kpada org2 ni bhwa aku akn bt apa yg aku kta..not like some people who do not own up to his/her own word..so..basically, nk g bt keja amal tu, cam challenge for aku..i will take the challenge..SO,bring it on to the table baby!!!

::~hipokrit~::

2008-11-04T20:44:00.000+08:00

apa tu hipokrit???ada bnyak kamus yg boleh jelaskan mksud hipokrit ni..tp dlm entry kali ni, aku nk jelaskan hipokrit tu berdasarkn apa yg aku rsa..so, mksud hipokrit kali ni adalah di bwah tajaan SUFYANA..ngeh2..

bg aku, hipokrit tu adlah bersikap baik kpada org yg kta xsuka..mksud bersikap baik ni bnyak..apa2 perbuatan yg baik..itulah bersikap baik..dr xtnjuk muka keji hggalah kluar ngan org yg kta xsuka..so, bnykla..ikut degree..hipokrit ni ikot degree jgk..kdg2, ada org yg thap hipokrit dia smpai melambung tggi, yg sggp kiss some asses itu yg maha hipokrit la..emm..xtaula kn mcm mna....tp ye..pape pun aku mgaku..kdg2 aku kena jd hipokrit..aku hrus..I HAVE TO BE HIPOCRITE.. bkan apa..nk berfungsi dlm dunia ni..mst kna hipokrit..tp thap hipokrit aku xde smpi melambng tggi mcm sesetgah org..kira thap hipokrit aku hnya membolehkan aku membuat kerja..bukanla smpi dikatakan angelic..haaaaaaa

bg aku, kalu aku xsuka, aku rela je kta tros trg.,.biar sume org jelas ngan apa yg aku rsa..klu aku syg, aku ckap aku syg..kalu aku sedih, aku ckap aku sedih..kalu aku gedixx, aku ckap aku gedix.kalu aku mrah, ini lg jelas,aku akn ckap je aku mrah..or xckap lgsg ngn org tu..sentapp okess...so, itula diri aku..

tp kengkadang ni ada org self-confessed kunun xckap blakang..kunun cool..kunun macho..padahal,blkang kta xtau apa dia ckap kn..tp tula kn dunia..pnuh dgn hipokrasi..skang ni, at the moment, aku berasa sentap ngan org..n i choose to ignore them..xsusah..jdkn dri aku invisible n butakan mta je..yg plg pntg, aku sentiasa tau, aku blh hdp je tnpa org2 tersebut..bukan susah pun..

xdela selama aku hdup kt sini, aku mkan pun dieorg tggung..xpenah okes..nk kta bt asgnmnt mnta idea dia..xjgk..so, basically, aku blh je hdp dgn selesa kalu xde org ini dlm hdp aku..so, klu aku xckap pun or xtgr pn org ni, basically xde apa yg akn terjadi..bnyak lg org yg blh aku tgr..

n for that org, jg2 la..sbb u won't know who ur true friends are until the day, you got the spot on you..msa tu, nnt bru ko tau sape kwan ko sbnrnya..tp basically, org tu pun dh pnah rsa bnda2 camni..so, xpyahla aku nk bg pergtan lg..die pun tau apa rsanya kalu org backstab kn..

i'm used to this backstabbing idea..so, basically, aku cpat je keluarkan force aku blik..n i believe, org yg bt slah akn tersa slah jgk akhrnya..so, biar lmbt ke cpat ke bnda tu..saat rsa slah tu akn smpi jgk..so, i'm fine with it..

utk kli ni, it's not even my fault..so, aku xrsa the urge aku nk mnta maaf or jd hipokrit ngn org tu.nk sondol2 muka aku kt buntut dia supya dia rsa gmbra bt aku xgmbra..so, basically, kli ni aku nk org tu tau aku mrah n sentap..biarla..xrugi pun..n utk kli ni, aku xnk jd hipokrit..bla aku mrah, i say it out loud aku mrah..

n most importantly, dear readers, i hate liars..n org tu ada tpu aku..so, i'm done with him..
n..to org itu jgk..watch ur back!!!

::~apa itu cinta~::

2008-10-19T17:27:00.000+08:00

emm..semalam aku de dapat stu blog ni..bila aku bca, mula2 rsa cam nak muntah..aku xpham nape dia guna bhsa kedah yg ksar camtu..dh tu cerpen yg aku bca tu disiarkan kt utusan malaysia plak tu..dlam otak aku, aku pk, mcm mna la agknya cerpen ni boleh tersiar..aku gagahi jgk diri aku untuk aku bca cerpen tu...last2 kali, brula aku pham, apa yg cuba disampaikan oleh penulis..cra dia cam selamba tp ckup dgn mkna..dia tnya apa itu cinta..dia discuss certa n pemahaman ni dri dua contexts..stu, org2 tua yg umor 60 thun tu..yg duduk kt kampung2 n stu lgi, kapel yg muda, yg "kunun"nya tengah hangat bercinta..apa itu cinta????

obviously, org tua kt kampung tu xtau apa itu cinta..n org yg muda, siap berbhasa2 bunga lg nk definasikan apa itu cinta..tp kenyataannya, yg aku pham la..sbnrnya cinta tu xblh nk explain pun ngan words..kita xdapat nk cri the exact words to describe cinta..camtu jgkla klu nk srh aku describe cinta...aku pun xtau aku nk jwab apa..jwapan yg mgkn terkeluar dri mulut aku..mgkn cam sayang..pengorbanan..camtu2 la..

tp bila aku dh bca cerpen tu..aku ca rsa ada definisi bru yg aku boleh ckap psal cinta..ni dlam context, aku ngan azrol la kan..

cinta bagi aku:

1. bila, kita dh janji utk g dating..kunun nk jmpa kul 9..tp psagan kta dh lwat 30mnt..kta pulak terpaksa tggu dkt stesen bas yg penuh ngan habuk2 n asap2 bas..pstu, ada je budak2 muda lain yg mcm ada potensi nk rogol n curi kta..dlam hati kita, dh kluar sumpah seranah dkt psagan kta..npe xdtg2 lg..kta hnya tau msa tu kta mrah..tp kta xsdar sbnrya, msa tu kta bmbg..kot2 le pape terjdi pd psagn kta..n bla psgan kita ckap.."bby, abg dh smpi"..kta pun rncg, nmpak2 je muka dia, kta kna mrah..kna pesan lain kali..punctual skit..tp, kenyataan nya bila nmpak je muka dia..kta xjd nk mrah..kta dh happy..sbb dia dh ada dpan mta..n dia selamat..astu plak, dia pgg tgn kta..n tgk mta kta..smbil ckap.."bby...abg sorry sgt2..bas ni lwat..astu berhenti bnyak2 tmpat..sbb tu lmbt..lain kali, abg xkn bt bby tggu lg"..n bila kta dgr ayt2 ni..kta pun xjd nk mrah..sbb kta tau..dia mmg ikhlas ckap mc tu..mcm mna dia nk control bas tu spya gerak lebih lju or lebih cepat..kalu kta rsau..dia msti lg rsau..mst dia ats bas tu asyik tgk jam je..n bg aku, itu pun consider cinta jgk..itu cinta bg aku..xkra smada kta sdar ke x..tp perbuatan tu mmg cnta..

n..nant aku smbg lg tau..ada bnyak lg..aku rsa itu cinta bg aku..

::~suddenly i miss him~::

2008-10-19T17:19:00.000+08:00

haih..td aku ke city..kunun nk beli brang2 buat asgnmnt.meluat la aku,,habiskan duit aku je..kalu xbeli brang2 tu dh lma aku bleh beli ksut yg aku suka itu..tp tu la..nk bt mcm mna kn..dh tggungjwab..hahhahaha..

hemm..msa aku naik bas td, tetiba tergt blik zaman2 dlu bila aku slalu g dating kt seremban..bukannya apa..aku terigt cik biskut yg sllu teman aku naik bas..dia xdela ikut aku blik kl, tp dia akn anta smpi depan pntu bas tu..n slgi bas tu xbergerak, dia xkn pergi..dia tggu je aku kt situ..haih..tym tu, kdg2 rsa sedih je..rsa xnk blik..rsa nk trus je lg dtg kt situ..tp tau2 jela..ipba kan..kalu lwat skit, mti aku..tp dlu pun, bukan aku blik lwat pun..kul 7 dh ada lam blik dh..dh siap mndi n nk g mkn mlam dh..humm..tp xpe..pointnye kt sini...aku terigat bila msa azrol anta aku naik bas tu..rsa sedih..dkt sini, xde sape nk anta aku naik bas camtu..naik la ko sengsorang..ko ada brang bnyak ke..ko blik lwat malm ke..ko hrus naik bas sengsorg..tensen kan..

tp cam xpela..dh nak blik dh pun..lpas ni, aku blh g dating lg..tp, kalu kali ni azrol xnk tman aku naik bas, aku xnk kwan ngan dia dh.hahahhah..

i think it was sweet at that tyme..i liked it, i still like it and i will always like it..=)

uwaaaaaaaaa..rndu!!!!

::~suddenly ak xtau ckap omputih~::

2008-10-19T17:08:00.000+08:00

haih..itu je yg mampu aku kta..nk kta apa lg..xreti omputih kn..prsan x previous entries aku?ada je slah BI..mals la ku..kdg2 bila menulis otak aku hantar mklumat ke tgn aku utk menaip bnda2 yg sedap di mulut aku ni aje..xde kira slah eja ke grammar slah ke..apa ke..yg penting, bila mulut aku bca, ayt tu dh ok..dh sedap..hahhaha..bongek..

stu lg tnda kepupusan bhasa omputih dlam diri aku adlah bila nk kna ckap ngn omputih..seboleh2nya aku ckap bnda2 basic je.hi.thank you. you too.xpun, kalu dh mlas than dewa-dewi, aku guna bhsa isyarat je..contoh kalu dia tnya arah, aku tunjuk je ngn tgn aku..klu lg mlas, bla dia tnya pape, aku geleng je kpala aku..pstu mta buka bulat2 skit..biar dia tau aku ni xtau omputih..hahhahaha..mlas..tp itu la aku..lg nk blik lg kronik thap mlas aku ni..camne ni?camne nk jd cikgu BI ni?cam xboleh je..

kalu tnya aku apa aku nk jd sekang ni?mstila aku jwab yg glamor2 je..contoh, kunun, nk msuk malaysian most beaituful..hahhaha..logik kah..tp aim aku ca simple je..biar pun xmng, org cam knal aku la..pstu cam ada org2 kya mnat kt aku..n dia propose aku n we live happily together..oppsss..omputih alert!!!!..tp itula..angan2 bodo ktakan..xpun, klu aku xmng pun, kot2 le boleh jd pngacara pape ke..kalu pebgacara tv, korg nk tau apa aku suka?pengacara mkan2 n pengacara yg g mkan angin..sgat hebat..smbil mkn n bercuti smbil bekerja..di samping itu, sentiasa kelihatan cantik..oooo GOD...itu hanyala mimpi..

tp aku rsa aku boleh kot jd baker..hahhaha..stu lg angan2 n cta2 aku..aku nk buka kedai kek..walaupun skang ni, aku xtau bt stu kek pun..tp cam aku slalu ckap, aku akn g bljar kt Batang Kali nnt..ak akn g sekolh msakan..hahhahhha..kta tggu sal bnda tu k..tp yg pntg, aku xmo ckap omputih..tp aku nk jd kaya..logikkah???

xpela..tu je nk tulis pun..c ya!!! =)

::~happy birthday mama~::

2008-10-16T22:00:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to u..
happy birthday to u..
happy birthday to mummy..
happy birthday to u..
I LOVE YOU!!!

today is my mummy's birthday.. i love her very much..i love you mama. if i were in Gurun today, i can bake you a cake. (hahahhaha..i wish..but maybe it will be a much better idea if i BUY that cake)..hahhaha..xpe..niat ada je dh cukup..

alhamdulillah..rezeki mama thun ni bnyak..i'm happy for her..she deserves it.she deserves every thing that she has now..

mm..about my mama, people always said to me that i'm like my mother. we have more or less the same face n both of us are loud and always say what we want to say.(some people may call it unaccepted behavior for saying thing that we are not supposed to say, but i think it is better to say it out loud to the people than having say it at their back)

n, this is my mummy.love, huggs and kissess for you!!!

::~It's Malaysia-lah activity~::

2008-10-16T09:06:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a big day for malaysian students who study in QUT..we had this function called Malaysia-lah event and it started from 10am until 4pm yesterday.i did not do much this year. i di not dance for this event.last year i di dance for tarian cina, joget and multicultural dance..tp cam this year, i prefer to not spoil the good scenery of the dance sequences by contributing my reckless dancing acts ..hahhaha..i'm bad at dancing..real bad..why?

i have difficulties in coordinating my arm and legs movement. i always felt like i'm actually a robot or something that was born in human body..i did..
i have difficulties in learning the dance steps..walau brapa kali di ajar pun, still akn lembab n ssh nk bt..ssahla!!!
i have darah gemuruh when it comes to perform in front of others.. i can easily forget the steps that i rmember when it comes to the actual performances..so, because of these obvious reasons, i choose not to dance..=)

i went to the event quite late.. coz i had other things to do..n i was not very keen on the event itself because i was not feeling good..demam..i arrived late there.n when i arrived, lotsa people were already there and were already busied doing their things..aku xtau nk bt apa..so cam sbukan diri g menyembang..itula pertolongan aku..cra utk meramaikan org di khemah..it works okay..

tp, there was still someone who still refused to talk to me..i did not know why..we just did not speak to each other anymore..=(

tp cam xksahla..ok je..and we closed the event by celebrating puteri's birthday..sedap cake itooo..heheh=)HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUTERI

but, overall ok la..

but my day did not end just quite yet..tggu....=)

::~last presentation~::

2008-10-13T15:15:00.000+08:00

i did my last presentation just now..and i have this kind of weird thing going on inside me..i hate presentation..I HATE PRESENTATION..i don't like to speak in front of other people..i just dont think that kind of assessment suits me..you know..i'm not the type of girl that speaks much..hahhahahha..i'm lying here..but you know what, i like to talk but not academically..i just don't see myself as the academic type of person..and the last presentation that i did in Australia was just a big disaster...yes..DISASTER!!!i'm not putting any hope in this one..so, okay la..hopelessly homesick ktakan..+)
huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....nk blik

::~kECEWa~::

2008-10-12T14:15:00.001+08:00

Sedikit waktu yang kau miliki
Luangkanlah untukku
Harap secepatnya datangi aku
S'kali ini ku mohon padamu
Ada yang ingin ku sampaikan
Sempatkanlah...
Hampa kesal dan amarah
S'luruhnya ada dibenakku
Tandai seketika
Hati yang tak terbalas
Oleh cintamu...
Kuingin marah, melampiaskan tapi kuhanyalah sendiri disini
Ingin kutunjukkan pada siapa saja yang ada
Bahwa hatiku kecewa...
Sedetik menunggumu disini, s'perti seharian
Berkali kulihat jam ditangan
Demi membunuh waktu
Tak kulihat tanda kehadiranmu
Yang semakin meyakiniku
Kau tak datang

p/s::lagu ini buat encik biskut yg suka tinggalin sya sndrian di sini::hahhaha

::~HOROSCOPE~::

2008-10-12T12:21:00.000+08:00

DO YOU BELIEVE IN HOROSCOPE?DO YOU PLAN YOUR DAY BASED ON YOUR HOROSCOPE?I DO!!!I ALWAYS LOOK ON MY HOROSCOPE..IT'S NOT THAT I BELIEVE THEM BUT SOMETIMES, WHEN I DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO, I'LL JUST LET MYSELF BELIEVE IN THE HOROSCOPE..I KNOW IT'S NOT GOOD TO HAVE THIS FALSE BELIEVE..BUT THAT'S ME..

TODAY MY HOROSCOPE READ AS:

The Bottom Line

Step out of reality today when you have the chance, -- check into your fantasy life!

In Detail

Step out of reality today when you have the chance, and check in with your fantasy life! It's been stuck on pause for far too long -- you need to get back in there and fill in some blanks. Dream about where you'll be in ten years, fantasize about who you will be with and what you will be doing. There is no harm in having the line between reality and fantasy blurred right now. In fact, it will make your reality all the more clear. Daydreaming can help your day go by!

HAHAHAHA..I KNOW.IT TELLS ME TO BE IN THE FANTASY LAND.. I DID VISIT THE FANTASY LAND MORE FREQUENT THAT I HAD IN THE PAST..I THINK THAT THE HOROSCOPE IS JUST LATE BY FEW DAYS. I DID ALL THE THINGS DESCRIBED IN TODAY'S HOROSCOPE FEW DAYS BACK..HAHAHHAA..I KEPT ON IMAGINING WHO WILL I LIVE MY LIFE WITH..WHO WILL I SHARE THE NEWS OF "I'M PREGNANT" WITH AND THAT SORTS OF THINGS..YOU KNOW..AND UNTIL NOW, ALL MY IMAGINATIONS ARE BLURRED..I DON'T KNOW THE FACES..I JUST SAW ME IN THE IMAGINATION. THE SURE THING WAS ONLY ME..

::~SEMPURNA~::

2008-10-12T11:43:00.000+08:00

aihh..i've been wanting to write about this a long time ago..but i chose not to write it before because it was still fresh in the memory..because i did not want to further complicate things which were already complicated..and i think, this is the right time to write what i feel about this because, i believe, every one involved in this matter finally forgot what the matter was *hopefully*..it was just a misunderstanding..more from my side*guess so*..but the weird thing is i can't get this out from my mind..not that i don't want to but every time i want to forget it, new things come in the way and these things remind me back of the matter..not anyone's faults but it's just time is playing tricks with me..i don't even know why i've done a lotsa thinking about this matter recently..i can't help it.it just pops out of my mind and it stays there until i've finally got other things to think..i know, what i know and i know what i feel..but why can't this matter stays where it should stay???nowhere in my heart..i sometimes question myself with my actions, my thoughts, and even with the most complex thinking that i've done, i can't never break this matter into pieces and understand the whole bit of it..you move on from this..but i'm still stuck with it..

*am i that SEMPURNA?or is it just as song that you like*

i'll never know this kind of thing ..and for that, i really want to put this matter to rest..but, i should stop thinking about it first..and that's exactly what i'm falied to do!!!BUT, i'll do it

::~salam lebaran from Brisbane,Australia~::

2008-10-04T19:33:00.000+08:00

hye all!!!it's been a long time since i last wrote in this blog..bukannye apa..busy sesangat..xde msa nk tulis2 blog..kranya option yg i ada tulis blog or buat kuih raya..so, hrusla buat kuih raya yg i pilih..i semangat sket buat kuih2 raya ni..walaupun i xtau bt bnyak pun..sekadar cornflakes beradu je..hahhahahahha..bengong...tp cam betul la..aku sibuk sbab buat kuih tu la..naik bengkak tangan ni bt cornflake tu..hahhaha..

smbil2 buat kuih, smbil2 saiko..saiko nk balik..memanjang mulut aku nk blik..nk blik umah..nk blik umah..nk balik umah.naik tuli sume org yg dgr rintihan tu..tp pape pn..smpi nk dekat seminggu raya pun still xblik2 jgk..yela..kalu ikut ati n balik, aku mmg xdtg sini dh..anta assigmnt online jela..xmampu nk beli return ticket..hahhahaaha..

nway, anther reason xnk blik adlah sbb dh last tyme dh rya kt negara omputih ni..xtau bila lgi aku akn ada kesempatan nk beraya kt luar ngra..kalu ada rezeki cpatla..kalu x, lmbt skit la..tp pape pun, aku xnk la miss the last moment beraya kt brisbane ni..sedey okes nk kna blik dh..tp ada jgk sbhgian diri aku yg dh tergedix2 nk blik..dh start pgkah2 kalendar dh..huahuahua..now, less than 2 months dh..td akran ckap, "ampa sedar x klu org tnya, bla nk blik?kta dh blh jwab, next month dh blik?"huhu..kejap je kn msa ni..tp pape pn can't wait to breath the air in Malaysia..huahuahua

so,d kesempatan ini, ak nk mnta maaf la kalu terksar bhasa dlm blog ni or kt luar..kdg2 mmg xsdr..laser je mulut aku..bukan apa..dh nature aku begitu..so sorryla ek..xmksdkn pun..

buhbye..selamat hari raya..

::~apa yg aku bt~::

2008-09-29T07:35:00.000+08:00

ok, let me tell you what i did for the last couple of weeks...or maybe not that long, days..

ok, the last day that i was academically-involved was last wednesday..i went to the TEAL tutorial for an hour n a half...afterward, ida, fat,ayie n me went straight to DFO..actually, i'm not being 100% honest here..i'm not academically involved that day because, my mind was somewhere else. i was thinking of my "tut", thinking of my money, thinking about the perfumes that i like n i will buy n i was definitely thinking about what n where was i going to spend all the money that i had..humm, so, being in the classroom was just an alibi for "not being there"..d'you get it???hehhehe=)

ok, last assignment that i did and i sent was TEAL-Newsletter. emm..i did about the indigenous people in Malaysia n their language needs..emm, now, at this moment of time, i know that my newsletter was a piece of crap..i just kept on writing things that were not necessary nor they had any significance for the topic...........aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......i xtau..i xtau apa yg i bt..so, cam lantakla..aaaaaaaaaaaaaa...lulus sudaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

ok, last few days jgk, i had been busy with myself..yes, MYSELF..xbt apa pun..sj je mnjakan diri..bgn cam lam kul 2..ye ank dra apa ni???!!!astu, menyegak dlam bilik sorg2..n mkan mcam org afrika yg xpnah jumpa mkanan..yep..i did that n i will alwayd do it..(hahhahaha..yela skang ni, aku cam tgh best la, walaupun aku rsa aku mkn mcm han****, tp bla tmbang, xdela han**** sgt..huahuahaua)so, menu mlm ni, aku nk mkn, nsi grg n sup fishball, astu aku nk mkn spring roll,astu aku nk mkn strawberry..dh tu mlm ni fat nk msak kuih rya, hrusla aku testing bnyak2 kn..QC org kta..hahhaha..

ok, not to forget, last few days jgk la kteorg cam ada nma bru..

ida-EVILIA
fat-TANGELINA
aku-ADEMONIA
poniey-SATANIA
emy-LUCIPHERIA or better known as kak L

ok, ni mcm nma2 kteorg d bulan pose..hakikatnya, setan2 sume dh xde, tp setan dlam diri plak yg berlambak2..so, inilaaaaaaaa hasilnya..

emm, last nite, we went to break our fast at izy, sal n ju's house..sodapppppp..mkn nsi lomak ayam goreng..muackkkkkkkk..sehingga menjilat jari n pggan okess..ok, dh bgtau td kn, perut aku besar, so aku mkn dua pggn nsi lmak beserta agar2, aym grg shja, buah n mcm2 la..haa....ni bru semgat berbuka org kta..hahhaha..as usual, ada terawih, tp aku xlarat, perut berat, so cam "OFF" jp.hahhahah..astu, kteorg dgr2 tazkirah dri ustzah salina, shah, lin, n izyan..so, cam rsa insaf jp lpas tu..astu, ckap2 plak sal lailatul qadar..astu, bla kteorg ckap dh lepas..dh jd msa mlam 21 aritu..sume org asyik tnya, ha????!!!apa???dh lepas!!!apa yg kte bt?apa yg aku bt?aku beramal x mlam tu? last2 poniey ckap, emmm...sudaaalaaaaa.kalu xingt, nmpak sgt kita dh lalai..yep..nmpknya aku dh lalai..aku xtau aku bt apa..xingt...ampun!!!!

so, itula sedikit sebanyak apa yg aku bt selama aku menyepikan diri dr blog ini..so..till we meet next time..

muahhahhahahaha..

i know you hate me..(ala2 gossip girl giteeewwwwwwwwwwwwww)=)

::~when we know, we just know~::

2008-09-29T05:43:00.000+08:00

humm..this morning i asked fat, my hosmate,

"have u ever felt like you know that a person like you?have you ever felt like it?"
fat answered me, "yes, i do"

n i asked her, "what will you do then?"

fat answered me, "show him and anyone else like you don't care because what's important is you know yourself that he likes you. unless you are the type of girl who will always make the first move"

n i only oooed n aaaaaed..

you know he likes you but everyone else seems to not care the fact that he likes you or he pays more attention to you or he touches you more than he touches anyone else, he teases you more than he teases anyone else and he hurts you more than he will ever do to anyone else... hum..sometime, i feel like i know if someone likes me..but most of the time, i just misread the signs.humm.i'm a bit slow in this field and i guess i have less experiences with boys and that's what makes me inadequate and frequently misinterpret the signs..poor me.. i know..

but, despite the lack of experiences on my side, i just know that he likes me..like I said, when we know, we just know..i just know that he likes me..i just know that he sometimes tries to run away from me because, he is just like me..i know, we are not meant to be together..i know, there is no future for me n him n i certainly know that me n him will never be together..i just know.. we just know.. n we choose not to be together because we just do not want to create any more memories..i hate memories..they don't go awy. they stick to your brain n it's VERY impossible for you to erase it in a natural way..unless you want to go beyond the natural..go bang your head at the wall..but, i'm pretty sure that it will only make you hurt not erasing the memory..

hhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

experiences!!!come to me baby!!!.hahahhaha..=)

~this song is dedicated to U~

2008-09-19T14:35:00.002+08:00

If u r not brave enough to try, how would u know how the story ends..

ku pernah punya cinta namun kini ku sedang suka kamu
cintaku dulu tlah kubuang jauh kini ku ingin kamu

ku pernah menyendiri di sini ku akan terasa sepi
walaupun bibir penuh gelak tawa namun hatiku sepi

jangan bilang tidak bila kita belum mencoba
siapa yang tahu akan sama hatimu dan juga hatiku
banyak yang bercinta bertahun-tahun putus juga
kuharapkan dengan dirimu walaupun singkat pendekatan
cinta kita kan abadi

ku pernah punya cinta namun kini ku sedang suka kamu
cintaku dulu tlah kubuang jauh kini ku ingin kamu

jangan bilang tidak bila kita belum mencoba
siapa yang tahu akan sama hatimu dan juga hatiku
banyak yang bercinta bertahun-tahun putus juga
kuharapkan dengan dirimu walaupun singkat pendekatan

jangan bilang tidak waktu dicium aku bingung
namun dada ini bergetar
makanya sungguh aku mohonjangan bilang tidak

Raffi Ahmad & Ayushita- Jangan Bilang Tidak

::kerusi yang bengong:::

2008-09-18T12:41:00.003+08:00

camne aku nk explain betapa malu nye aku saat ini..msa ni..aku kunun2 sibuk n fokus terhadap asgnmnt aku yg xbergerak lgsung pun n sume org pun asyik pndg aku..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..mk tau x sbb apa?td msa aku tgh sdap2 dgr hotfm..ada lgu best la..so, aku pun tergedix2 la ats kerusi yg bengong ini.aku pusing kanan.aku pusing kiri..n msa aku pusing tu ada org pusing tgk aku..aku ingt dieorg sj2 je nk tgk..yela..aku sorg je makhluk bertudung kt sini..rupanya x..dieorg tgk aku sebb kerusi yg aku duduk ni mengluarkan bnyi pelik bla aku berpusing..eeee.sentap..pttla..dh lma aku persan ada org tgk aku setiap kali aku psuing..tp aku xtau..telinga aku dh pekak ngn musik dr hotfm ni..so, bla org tgk aku, aku pn bt muka "dunno"la..kunun, cam aku budget comel la..mgkn sbb tu dieorg tgk aku..tp, ternyata aku persan..org tgk ko sbb ko bt bising sufyana oi..bnyi yg pelik..eeee..malu!!!!bengong..so, skang, aku kna pksa pggung ak dok diam2 ats kerusi ni walau syok mnapun lgu yg aku dengaq..hauhauahuahaua..buduuuuuuuuuuuu

i've been tagged..huahuahuahua=)

2008-09-18T12:41:00.002+08:00

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any 1 questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by and continue this game by sending it to other people.

Tagged by SITI NOR FATHIAH ZULKAFLI

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
OBVIOUSLY HIDEOUS..I MEAN MY ATTITUDES TOWARDS HIM..MYBE I WILL CURSE HIM N MOST CERTAINLY, I WILL SCOLD HIM. then, i'll cry..=(

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

I WANT TO HAVE A PERFECT LIFE. PERFECT IN EVERY ASPECT SO THAT I WON'T FIND ANY HOLE TO POKE IN.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
UMM..I HAVE NO INTENTION OF KICKING SOMEONE ELSE'S BUTT.HAHHAHA..

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
BUY A BUNGALOW.OPEN A BAKERY SHOP. PUT A LARGE AMOUNT ON MY SAVING ACCOUNT. GIVE TO MY PARENTS. SHOPPING!!!!

5. Will you fall in love with your bestfriend?

I WOULD LOVE TO.BUT SOMEHOW, I'M JUST NOT THE TYPE OF GIRL THAT MY FRIENDS WILL FALL FOR.HAHHAHA

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
I THINK BEING LOVED BY SOMEONE IS MORE BLESSED THAN LOVING SOMEONE..BUT IT WILL BE PERFECTLY BLESSED IF I EXPERIENCE BOTH.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THIS. I HAD WAITED FOR THAT SOMEONE FOR THREE YEARS AND I THINK WHAT A WASTE OF TIME.SO, NOW, I RATHER NOT TO WAIT..I JUST ATTACH MYSELF TO SOMEONE THAT I KNOW WILL WAIT FOR ME FOREVER.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
I ACCEPT THE TRUTH AND HOPE SOMEDAY, HE WILL KNOW THAT I REALLY LIKE HIM N HE WILL REGRET FOR NOT CHOOSING ME.HAHHAHAH..KEJI..I KNOW..(U CAN CALL ME KEJI)

9. Have u ever been labeled as a snatcher?
NOPE..I'M NOT THAT "GOOD". I GUESS SO.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
LIES

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
HOPEFULLY:
1. MARRIED
2. BLESSED WITH MY HUSBAND'S LOVE
3. HAVE A CHILD
4. I WILL OPEN A BAKERY SHOP
5. I CAN DRIVE ON MY OWN.HAHHAHA
6. RICHER THAN THIS MOMENT OF TIME
7. A BIT SLIMMER THAN NOW OR MYBE JUST LIKE NOW.

12. What's your fear?
1. FEAR OF WAKING UP ALONE
2. FEAR OF BEING A FAILURE
3. FEAR OF BEING A COMPLETE BITCH..NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE BEING BITCHY..BUT IN MODERATE AMOUNT I GUESS.HAHAHHA
4. FEAR OF NOT GETTING WHAT I WANT
5. FEAR OF NOT ACHIEVEING MY DREAMS..

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
FATHIAH-->>SOFT-HEARTED PERSON.SHE MAY LOOK STRONG ON THE OUTSIDE BUT I KNOW, SHE HAS A FRAGILE HEART..JUST LIKE MINE..MOST POSITIVE PERSON EVER LIVED..OR SHOULD I SAY I'VE EVER MET..HEHHE..GEDIXS..XNK NGAKU "CHENTANYA"..HAHAHA.SORRY FAT.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
HAIH..SUSAHLA SOALAN CAMNI..MARRIED BUT POOR???I XNKLA CAMTU..TP XNK JGK SINGLE BUT RICH..BIASA2 SUDAAAAAAAAAAAA..

.
15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
BEBEL SORG2..CKAP"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...MLAS LA ARINI..MLS NK BT KEJA..MLASSSSSSS.....!!!!" N THEN, BRU I BGUN.MEANING, TRUN DR KTIL LA..

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
HUMM..NOPE..IT'S NOT SAFE TO DO THAT..BETTER GIVE LITTLE AND RECEIVE MUCH THAN GIVE MUCH N RECEIVE LITTLE..SOUND SELFISH BUT IT'S JUST HOW RELATIONSHIP WORKS FOR ME..

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?

HUMM..OBVIOUSLY THE ONE WHO CARES FOR ME..N THE ONE WHO FALL FOR ME TOO..IT'S NOT ENOUGH IF I'M JUST THE ONLY PERSON WHO FALLS FOR THAT SOMEONE..WE BOTH HAVE TO FALL FOR EACH OTHER. BUT IF THE TWO MEN FALL FOR ME, HAHAHHAHAHA..I XTAULA..DEDUA PUN SYG I KN..CAMNE NK PILH EK??XPENAH LG LA SETAKAT NI..

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?

UMM..NOT SURE..BUT MYBE.I WON'T FORGET BUT SOONER OR LATER I WILL FORGIVE..BIAR DIA SEDAR SKET DIA DH BT KTA SKT HATI..

19. Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
AAAA...IN A RELATIONSHIP..I XSUKE HDUP SENGSORG...

20. List 5 people to tag.
IDA
JAN
ZAIM
ZATIL
EMY
SAPE2 JE YG SUKA NK BT..AMIKLAAAAAAAAAAA

::saiko raya::

2008-09-18T12:41:00.001+08:00

haih..tetiba rsa saiko n sentap bila aku dgr hotfm..haaaaaaaa...saiko..saiko dgr lgu rya..ishh..xleh jd ni..dh dua thun dh aku beraya kt sini..xbest.xbest..aaaaaaaaaaa...nk blik..tetiba rsa meluat dok sini..xbest..klu kt mlysia ni dh hrus g shopping dh skang..dh sibuk dh msa ni nk beli bju rya..tp skang, dh kt sini, ko nk beli bju rya apa???ha???pose pun rsa cam xpose je..xde semangat nk rya lgsung..aaaaaaa...nk blik..aku tau, skang ni, msti kt kedai2 bju dh bt sale..bju kurung, kebaya, kebarung, kerongsang, tudung,...pendek kta, apa je ko nk mst ada..kt sini xde apa lgsg..buhsannnnnnnnnnn....nk blik..teringat zaman2 giat shopping kt masjid india..eh ke apa nma tempat tu..xbrapa igt..tp ak igt stu bnda..msa g shopping tu dh letih..letih yg xlarat nk jln tu..ada la makhluk2 tuhan ni g berhent kt masjid..igtkan nk semayang..rupanya tergolek dlm masjid tido..hahhahahha..buduh betol...

n aku pun terigt berbuka pose bersama azrol..haaaaaaaaaa...rindu..aku igt lg..pg tu azrol ckap nk dtg jumpa aku n nk berbuka pose..tp pg tu jgkla aku kna sgt ngn tebuan..dh bengkak tgn..dan2 rsa nk demam..astu, dh azrol smpi, hrusla aku merengek2 sakit..padahal xde skit mna pun..hahhahah..gedixs..astu azrol bwa aku g klinik utk injection..dh skit pggung aku..dh parah n perih nk g kg.baru..haaaaa..tp gmbra..i love the moments..aaaaaaaaa...nk blik..nk blik!!!!

LAPAQ!!!!!!

::missing CICI & TAMMY::

2008-09-16T19:53:00.000+08:00

aihh..lately, i've been searching through my folders just to feast my eyes with the pictures of my two babies..i love them very much..i want to kiss them.i love to hug them..i miss talking to them and most importantly, i miss playing with them.

their presences have made my day brighter n more precisely less boring..yes i know..i already have two dearest little brothers but "their" presences somehow make me think i can live with just them..

hehhehhee..here are my babiesssssssss..love you muah2x..tggu kak p blik tau..

this is tammy..he is my future foreteller..

cutey cutey pie>>>>cici

i love you cici

::beauty & ugly::

2008-09-14T20:32:00.000+08:00

haih..kuasa tuhan menjadikan manusia itu cantik , kurang cantik n hodoh..

tetapi, nape cam bnyak org cantik dr org hodoh??i mean, di sekeliling aku, bnyak oje org2 cntik..rsa inferior aku..bukanla nk kta xbersyukur, tp aku sbgai sorg mnusia biasa ni, hrus ada persaan cam nk "questioning"..tp aku tau itu tdak bgus..tp mcm mna kn???

humm, aku g tgk frenster sorg kakak ni.umur almost 30..tp mak aiii..msh cantik lg..kalu xtgk umur dia aku budget dia umor 22 mcm aku jgk..tp bila tgk umur dia, cam terkejut plak..haaaaaaaaaaaaaa....xadil..dhla cntik..awet muda plak tu..dh tu bf dia mmg muka anak org kaya tu..tgk skali dh tau xkn g shppg kt mid valley ni..hrus g klcc..btul la tekaan ak..slang beberapa gmbr, gmbr dieorg dua shopping kt klcc..haih..cam ne ni???cun, nmpak muda, body mantap la, bf kacak, kaya plak tu..cam complete gitewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....mcm mna ngan aku????haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

so, skang ni, aku saiko..end of story..=)tp xpe..xkesahhhhhhhhhhhhh..

::between love, desire and security::

2008-09-14T09:18:00.000+08:00

i have done lotsa thinking about this issue..n finally, i choose love and security over desire.

love: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

desire: a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment.

security: freedom from care, anxiety, or doubt; well-founded confidence.

ok, basically the dictionary defines the words the way i define them to myself.

between the three, i choose 2. i left my desire as i think, desire won't bring you anywhere and most importantly, if you choose desire, you will not be long from being hurt..that's how i think and i believe.

so, i made my decision and i stick to my believe. i choose love because, it is VERY important for me to be loved by someone. if you are loved by someone, the chances you will get hurt is somehow reduced. i think so.

i also choose security. i do not want to feel insecure of my own feeling. so i choose the certain one and i will built on this..no matter how long it will take, i think i can..

so, this is me now. n this is how i'm gonna live my life..a bit selfish but it is CERTAIN!!!

::i won't say anything::

2008-09-13T20:02:00.000+08:00

humm.. i won't say anything unless i really, really, really need to say it..
not that i don't care but i think you have better judgment than mine..
so, we will see about this..later..or maybe sooner

:: i read it somewhere..none of these are mine::

2008-09-11T13:27:00.000+08:00

humm..

people close their heart and seem to shut down all the possible connections with the social world or should we call it world with love, intimacy and trust because they are afraid that if they step out from their "door", they will be on the risk of getting hurt..they are afraid of being hurt and mostly they are afraid of having to be on the edge at every second n their lifetime. you are too afraid to say that you want the "world" because you have forced yourself to accept that the current world that you live in is the most secure place of all.but, the truth is you just being too scared to open it to possibilities .n most people will also said, :"no pain, no gain". (BOOKENDS)

people are always trying their hardest to not settle for the less than best..they seem to chase the dreams that may not even come true and seem to overlook the bits of reality around them. they close their eyes and choose not to see anything that would not fit their "dream" and they blame "fate" or "destiny" for making them what they are now.. but people, i personally think that you choose what or who you wanna be..so, there's no point of pointing fingers at others if you, yourself do not want the changes.. so, stop blaming or using others as your acts of running away from what you are afraid of..if you are afraid, then you will never know how does it feel. if you are too choosy you will simply leave the best cause you will always think, they will be more than best at the end of the day..n if you do not want, don't even try to give a slightest bit of interest cause, you may break others' hearts..so, the rule is simple..you act like you want, if you want n if you don't want, you MUST act like you DON'T want. simple. i figured it myself when i made the choice.. it was a hard way to learn but blimey, it worth every pain felt and every gain earned. (SUFYANA)

::tensen!!!!::

2008-09-10T13:56:00.000+08:00

tensen..itu je word yg boleh describe apa yg aku rsa skang..haaaaaaaaaaaaa...nk balik..msa2 ni la aku hrapa aku msih lg dlam perut ibu ku..mlas la..

mlas nk pk.
mlas nk bt keja.
mlas nk gerak.
mlas nk taip.
mlas nk bca.
mlas nk ckap omputih.
mlas nk g kelas.
mlas nk mandi.
mlas nk pki bju.
,las nk pkai tudung.
mlas nk skat rmbut.
mlas nk pki losyen.
mlas nk pki conditioner.
mlas nk bwa beg.
mlas nk amik duit.
mlas nk msak.
mlas nk makan.

mlassssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!

ok, keynote sekarang adalah MALAS..

tp ada jgk bnda aku rjin..tp bila rjin part ni, xde membawa sebarang kebaikan pun..

rjin mkan.
rjin tgk tv.
rjin gosip.
rjin msg.
rjin call.
rjin buang masa.

humm..tgk..xde sebarang kebaikan pun bila aku rjin utk bnda2 cam ni..

humm..skang ni aku malas nk blik umah..logik x??malas nak blik sbb mlas nk jlan, mlas nk trun tangga,mlas nk tggu bas, mlas nk tjk tiket kt driver, mlas nk tkan loceng.mlasssssssssssssssssss..ye, smpi thap tu aku pnya mlas..tp kna blik..sbb ptg ni ada discussion..tp mlas nk blik awl..klu blik awl kna tggu berbuka..yg tu pun aku mlas jgk....

::Popia Sardin::

2008-09-07T12:01:00.000+08:00

hehhehe..slogan kta

"Sardines Can't Never Go Wrong"

hehhehe..itula motto aku starting from now..hahhaha..aku hepi sebab popia yg aku bt dh jd..so sbgai bukti kegembiraan aku tu, aku bt popia sardin dua hari berturut2..hahhahaha..GILA..ye aku tau..tp tula kan..bila kte ni slalu msak xsedap n bla kita msk sumthg n sedap, hrusla kta nk msak lg bnda tu..btul x???begitu jgkla aku..hahhahahhaa..aku xkra..aku mmg suka popia sardin itu..hahhahaha..

tp kn, aku xdela msak sardin tu sgt pun..sbb bln2 pose ni, deria rsa aku xbrapa berfungsi sgt..ida cam kta kt aku, "beh, rsalah beh sardin tu..tp jgn telan"..humm, rsa tp xtelan????mustahil bg aku..sbb aku mmg xpndi bt mcm tu..bla aku rsa mcm ida srh rsa tu, aku xrsa pape pun..so cam mustahil la bg aku utk msk sardin tu kn..jan, ida n fat yg msak sardin utk kedua2 ari..tp aku xkra..aku nk jgk kredit for making popia sardin sbb aku yg gulung..hahahhaha..

umm, nk tunjuk bukti pun xde dh..dh xsempat aku nk amik gmbr..dh msuk dlm perut popia itu..hahhaha..so, even without the pic, ykinla dgn kebolehan aku utk memasak (errr..actually menggulung) popia sardin..=)

hehehhe..humm..juadah bebuka arini mcm nk bt cucur keria n ayam bbq..=)
xkurus pun bulan pose ni..makin gajah lg ada la..tp xksah..i'm happy..

::u now me better than i do myself::

2008-09-03T11:14:00.001+08:00

ida, u know me better than i know myself..

heheheh..thank u for the careful observation that u've made..nwei, aku nk gtau, aku mmg gedixs pun..

u know me too well to have overlooked that part..hahahha..

::he makes her cry ONCE again::

2008-09-01T18:44:00.000+08:00

he makes her cry again..
he makes her feel devastated once again..
he makes her feel unwanted once again..
he breaks her heart once again..
he breaks her trust on him..
so she does cry once again..
for the love she once had, was the unrequited love..

he made her fell for his false promises..
he made her believed he would wait for her
he made her believed that she would always has him by her side..
but now, he makes her cry once again for all the things he said to her were all just lies..

n he makes her cry again on the first day of Ramadhan for he tells her "LET'S JUST END IT"
n it really hurts her feeling and really makes her cry once again..
n she asks herself how many time can her heart break for all she knows she only has one..

::sentapppppppppppppp::

2008-08-31T12:58:00.000+08:00

okies..first of all, kesentapan aku yg plg dahsyat bru2 ni adalah river fest yg kurrrrrreng best..xdela xbest lgsung..tp xbest cam last year la...n i'm not the only one yg rsa camni..org lain pun rsa begini jgk..memula aku sentap sbb aku cam prsan bila aku lalu, mst ada org tgk..so apa lg aku ni dh start la gelabah..tetiba aku rsa muka aku cam terbakar..yela..aku bru first time pkai blusher seniri..aku cam rsa terlebih letak la..pstu disbabkan itu, muka aku jd cam udang terbakar la..bnyak la..sepanjang2 jalan tu aku asyik dok bebel2 smpai fat pun xthan nk dgr n dia kta.."nah, tgk seniri muka ang kt cermin"..aku pun amik n tgk la..tp cam normal je..xde la yg pelik pun..humm..tp mgkn hodoh kot..xpun pelik..
second sentap terjadi bila aku nk g duduk ats tembok btu itu..aku xde pun g duduk lg..bru je menghala ke arah itu..tetiba ada sorg pompuan omputih ni ckap. "sorry, this is taken"..eeeeeeee..meluat aku..bkan aku kebulur sgt pun kt tempat ko tu..dh la ckap kuat..bkn aku xdgr walaupun ko xnmpak telinga aku..meluat..kesimpulannya aku meluat...itu key point kt sini..mmg ko racist..aku tau tu..ooo..sbb aku pkai tdung ko igt aku pekak???ko ingat aku kebulur ngan tempat ko???eeeeeee.sentap!!!!
emm third sentap bila dh lma2 kteorg tggu kt tepi sungai tu, bnyak pulak makhluk yg dtg lmbt duduk depan ktorg..kalu comel xpe jgk..ni mcm dh besar tong..sentap aku..bukan apa..ktorg xnmpak..xnmpak lgsung bridge..tu punya besarnye makhluk tuhan yg ini..n ni yg plg aku meluat kalu duduk kt event yg rmai org..ORANG YANG BUSUKKKK..aku mmg xtahan..hidayah je than org camni..dia sggup g berdiri kt org2 camni.. n xlupa jgk two of my friends, fat n jan..diorg g je jt tmpat org busuk td..aku cam pk, xpela..kalu x g pun xpela..aku mmg xsggup nk srh reseptor bau aku ni mti sbb slalu sgt bau org busuk..meluat aku..tp last2 ida pun surrender jgk sbb die kta ada org kentut kt situ..so, cam dtgla kt tempat aku yg aman dmai dr segala bau..tp fat n jan maintain kt tmpat tu..n u know what????fat mengaku HDUNG DIA MMG XBRAPA BERFUNGSI SGT..hahhahah..lwak la..

apa yg aku bt utk menghilangkan kesentapan aku?
1. pkai bju cntik2..bju yg cantik memberikan aku rsa puas hati..rsa gembra n rsa cntik la obviously..hahhahaha..
2. mkan.mkan strawberry with chocolate dip..rsa nikmat sngt..lgpun aku lapar tym tu..so apa je mkanan rsa nikmat yg sgt xtrhgga tu..
3. people-watch..ya Allah, semalam la msanya kteorg hone our talents in discussing bout people..bknla umpat keji mksudnya..tp adala jgk bnda tu..tp most of the time kteorg body org ni cntik..kaki org tu lawa..yg positif la..hello,people-watch doesn't necessarily mean producing negative statement bout others okes!!!!!
4. gedixs..

huahauhauah..so, itula kot..secara ringkasnye apa aku bt semalam..xbnyak..tp kn, b4 aku g situ, i had this weird-kind of feeling..aku rsa cam i would be given love there..yes indeed, i received love..huahauhauahau..CANTIK!!!!

bye2..muackssssssssssss

::keji kah aku?:::

2008-08-29T16:04:00.000+08:00

guys....
keji kah aku kalu aku kta org yg duduk tepi aku dlm comp lab ni busuk????seyesly busuk..aku xtau nk bt muka mcm mna dh..hdung aku plak..cam dh penyek2..jp kembang2..nk than dri aku ni dri bau org yg busuk ni..aku tau itu sgt keji..tp aku mmg than..memula aku nk stay lma lg kt lab ni..tp bau bsuk ni bt aku ada second thought je..bau tu bau ke****..eeee.geli..start la aku..segala ttg org tu pun aku rsa ktor..aku rsa busuk..tp mmg pun..dia dtg je..hdg aku dh kembang kempis sense busuk..abis perfume aku..dh tak bau..slap2 ngan aku sekali bau cam ke****..ish....sentappppp!!!!!

emm..msa aku tulis entry ni..org yg busuk tu g mna ntah..lega skit aku rsa hdg aku..tp aku cam dh nmpak dia dtg blik...eeeeeee.meluattttttttttttttt
btw, mexico ada kt blakang aku ni..kt lab jgk..huahuahauahau..
aku cam rsa nk tukar computer lak..eeeeeeeeeeee

emmm.ni entry yg diedit sket..msa aku tulis ni..jumlah org busuk dh bertambah..dr 2 sekrang ni mcm sekampung ada kt sini..eeeeeeeeeeeee..busuk...menyampahhhhh

::shoppppppppppppping::

2008-08-28T11:18:00.000+08:00

yup.. shoppppppping!!!!! emm, initially, "we" did not even want to go anywhere..particularly myself..yela, kunun, xde mood..xnk kuar..xnk mkan..tp xplak jd begitu..ada je bnda aku nk bt..kunun, utk gembirakan ati...memula, fat ajk g mkn kfc je..tu pun aku cam dh mlas..bukan apa..pnat i goreng ayam kelmarin dulu..siap bertopeng segala..pnatla, kalu xmkn aym itu tetpi mkan aym kfc..so cam mlas la..tp bila teringt xde bnda nk bt..so ikutla aku..so, bla dh jumpa ida kt klas..g la ajk jgk pompuan tu..so, kesimpulannya semua pun berstuju nk g mkn kfc..humm..niat awl cam baik jela..g mkn , round2 n blik..tp xde la jd begtu..bila dh round n nmpak sale, rsa cam berdosa plak kalu xbeli..ish..pelikkkkk!!!tp itula yg aku bt..sudahnya, shopping utk raya..hahhahaha..kteorg smpi sna dlm kul 1 lebey..mkn2 jp n trus shopping..blik pulak almost 5..tu pun still rsa cam ada kekurangan something..haih...

hsil2 tangkapan semlam cam bnyak la jgk..

4 belts.. (ni kunun blas dendam sbb belt2 aku yg lain adalah bab*..so cam blas dendam la..amik ko..puas ati)
1 dress (dress ni still dress bunga2 kecil lg..tp camne???ye, aku tau ada org kta aku ni mcm xtukar bju..tp sebenrnya x..aku mmg ada bnyak bju bnga2 kecil ni..n dress yg terbru ni, aku nk pkai msa riverfire..huahauhauahau..aku nk g bergedixs kt atas jmbtan..aku nak.!!!!)
1 jean (emm..yg ni sj je beli..habiskan duit..aaaaaaaaaaa...aku xde niat pun nk beli jean..tp bila org ckap nmpak cntik je..apa lgi, aku pun tergedixs2 la beli jean..tp xpela..boleh pkai msa river festival..hahhahahah)

humm..itu yg aku je..hsil tgkapan fat ngan ida pun bnyak jgk..tp aku xnkla tulis kt sini..kot2 le nant ada org mrah..hahhahaha..

humm, one more thing, ak dh tau....ak akn beli for future use..=)

byeeeeeeeeee..muackssssssssssssssssss

::buhsannnnn n i'm the mistress of spices:::jeng jeng jeng

2008-08-26T15:18:00.000+08:00

haihh..sejak2 tenet xde kt umah ni..memanjang aku buhsan..xde apa nk bt..nk keja dh nk blik sgt2 dh..so xde org nk amik bekerja n most importantly, aku mlas..itu key factor nape aku xkeja..so bila dh memanjang buhsan, memanjang jgkla aku tgk tv..so bila dh memanjang tgk tv, hrusla asignmnt aku xbt..camne ni??xde motivasi ni nk bt asignmnt..skang ni aku kt lab KG. kunun nk cri resources la utk bt asgnmnt aku..tp apa..aku chatting jp td..tgk frenster..update profile..buka blog n skang ni tgh blogging..xsmpai lg aku ke niat n tjuan asl aku yg dtg nk cri resources tu..MALAS!!!!

humm, speaking about malas, td before dtg sini, kununnya nk dtg KG ni dlm kul 12 mcm tu..xde jd nya niat murni aku tu..kul 3 bru smpi sini..dh tu, bla dh ptg, mula la mta aku ni menggatal2 nk terpejam..so cam g library..lepak2 smbil tdo atas beans bag n terhegeh2 memalsukan konsentrasi terhadap reading yg susah..bila start je bca reading tu, aku tetiba rsa cam xpnah blaja BI plak..rsa sume words kt situ alien..ssah btul la nk comprehend those words..so, as usual, xbca abis laaaaaaaa...n lupa nk gtau sbb aku lwat dtg KG..aku ngan awn tgk cite..awan pjm dvd dr uni n aku tlg tgk la..kesian awan tgk sorg2..sbgai kwan yg baik xkn aku nk biar awn sorg2, so aku teman la..kteorg tgk MISTRESS OF SPICES..heheheh..merapu gila ceritnya..tp cam agk hebat la..as usual, aku hrus je nk kuasa2 bodo mcm tu..sape2 yg jd Mistress of Spices ni dia cam blh predict future la n dia blh tlg org yg dlm kesusahan dgn guna spices je..hahahha.comel kan..tp best je..tp ada jgk part yg xbest..sbb ada rules yg hrus dpatuhi sape2 yg jd mistress ni.

rule 1: xleh kuar dri kedai spices tu. (yg ni cam leh consider sbb mgkn kalu aku yg jd hrus kedai itu besar n ada segala dlam tu)
rule 2: xleh sentuh kulit org lain (i'm no angel..huahuahuaha..amt sukar)
rule 3: xleh ada desires. (this is the hardest part..desires???i have lotsa them)

haih..amatla sukar utk aku mematuhi ketiga2 rules tersebut..camne nk shopping?camne nk menggedix?camne nk tgk movies?camne nk mcm2 la..haihla...n for those reasons la aku rsa xpela kalu aku xjd mistress of spices pun..hahahahha..tp yg plg best bila part chillies bg warning bila ada bhya..comel kan..hebat..aku ok je kalau camtu..aku nk kuasa itu!!!!

hahhaha..lwak..mnala ada bnda camtu kn..kalu ada..haihla..hrus best..
k la..ak nk kna cri resources ni..tp tgkla..jp lg la..nk g cri gmbar jp dlu..hahahhaa..
muacksssssssssssss.bye.

::break vs. clash::

2008-08-25T13:57:00.000+08:00

humm.lately, aku senang2 je saiko.. n aku tau bila aku saiko, secara tidak langsungnya org lain pun akn trt terjejas ngan kesaikoan aku itu..tp bnda camni dh xblh nk elak..mcm wajib la saiko2 ni..tp yg pelik kan, saiko aku itu menyerang tym nk g kelas je..kalu xg kelas jrg la aku saiko..tp ada jugakla..i may look stronger on the outside but who knows exactly what is happening and churning inside my heart..only God knows..

humm, tp ari sabtu aritu aku ada la jgk melayan saiko aku di tepi sungai..ye, aku g tepi sungai brisbane n melepak kt situ almost an hour..xtau apa yg aku bt..tp mcm best je tgk air sungai tu..msa tu xde apa dlm kepala aku..aku rsa cam the weight has been lifted from my shoulder..tp cam mrah je la kn saiko theraphy aku..free ok..tnpa perlu mengeluarkan sesen pun..n yg plg pntg itu bt aku gembira..even just for an hour..i guess after this, hrus je berumah kt tepi sungai..hahahah..sungai itu happy...that's the bottom line.

umm, a friend of mine told me the other day simple analogy about break n clash..i thought i knew the differences but i guess i failed to comprehend these words..ok..analogy nye sng je..

break is like the process that you take when you are commiting suicide..seperti yg digambarkan, mcm kelar2 tgn tu..let your wrist bleeds until you die..
whereas, kalu clash pulak like you jump straight from the building n you suddenly die..no pain involved..i guess so..never tried and never will. (i'm talking about jumping from the building).

ok, see isn't it clear that the end "product" for both actions is "die"..i'm not suggesting that die equals to single and i believe neither does my friend suggesting it..cma, "die" tu mgkn symbolically means heartbroken..hehheeh..but earlier on, i did not believe him..so i said, i guess it's okay if we break because, even though you said that it's like you r in the process of commiting suicide, but there will always be hope..and my stupid idea as usual is hrus ada hospital..n if u r lucky enuff u will be sent to the hospital n get some treatment n you live again but with the "scar" of course..but it doesn't matter because you still be alive..but certainly in my case, there's not enuff ambulance to send me to the hospital n as a result (wahhhh ayt2 sains giteww), i'm left to bleed n i die eventually..=(..

humm, how's the explanation? does it help???..10q again U..

::my new family member::

2008-08-23T09:19:00.001+08:00

hye..introducing my new family member..farhanis..she is my niece..i've not seen her face (i mean face to face)..this is the photo that introduces me to her..n this is the first time i "know" her..

bye...muacksssss..*mix feelings*

::aiemlonli::

2008-08-22T13:35:00.000+08:00

humm..aku buhsan..skang ni ak ada kt lab GP..buhsan..ni bru nk tgk textbooks yg dh berzaman sampai..mlasssssssss..mlasss nk bt esaimen..xsukaaaaaaa....!!!!humm.

suddenly, i feel like a short stab at my heart..rsa sedih..rsa lonely..xde org nk kwan..xde org syang..hahhahaha..saiko.. i know that!!!tp sya rsa SUNYI.

humm, btw, he finally left me for good last few days..so skang ni i'm in the state of meroyan lg laaaaa...tp xpela..it's for the better.

i called my mom just now. told him about my "new" story.. know what my mom said???
"no need to cry..it's normal to live without a boyfriend. u r not going to die bcoz u don't hve boyfren"..

so, i had no point to argue..so, i just listened to her words and then suddenly i said,
"but, i'm lonely"

n then, we just kept quiet for a while n we said gudbye..xtau nk ckap apa lgi..i know, if i were to over-argue just now, mmg hrus aku nangis je kt bus stop KG itu..hahahha.saiko..yes i am saiko..

i'm bad
i'm bad
i'm bad

now, pdan muka diri sendri..bodoo!!!!!

::the value of your life time::

2008-08-21T10:20:00.000+08:00

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:
When u LOST SOMEONE...

::hahhahha...funny..try to read it::

2008-08-21T10:12:00.000+08:00

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on!!

::Either love or not?? ::

2008-08-21T09:56:00.000+08:00

i've been a silent reader for this blog quite a long time..n last nite, i've found one entry that i believe it tells me more or less about love..so, i guess it will be good if i share it here..take a look::

For all you people who say, "I love you" when you have no clue what love is exactly!!!

Something to ponder upon...

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest?? -It isn't love, it's LIKE.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of her, am I right?? -It isn't love, it's LUST.

Are you proud, and eager to show hIM off?? -It isn't love, it's LUCK.

Do you want her because you know she's there?? - It isn't love,it's LONELINESS.

Are you with her because it's what everyone wants??-It isn't love, it?s LOYALTY.

Are you with her because she kissed you, or held your hand? -It isn't love, it's LOW CONFIDENCE.

Do you stay for her confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt her? -It isn't love, it's PITY.

Do you belong to her because the sight of her makes your heartskip a beat?? -It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.

Do you pardon her faults because you care about her?-It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.

Do you tell her every day she is the only one you think of? -It isn't love, it's a LIE.

Are you willing to give up all of your favorite things for her sake? -It isn't love, it's CHARITY.

If you love someone because you think that you shouldn't leave him because others think that you shouldn't
... then it's not love.. it's ~*Compromise *~

Does your heart ache and break when she's sad? - Then it's LOVE.

Do you cry for her pain, even when she's strong? -Then it's LOVE.

Do her eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts? -Then it's LOVE.

Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you to her? -Then it's LOVE.

Do you accept her faults because it's a part of who she is? -Then it's LOVE.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with her faithfully without regret?? -Then it's LOVE.

Would you give her your heart, your life, your death??-Then it's LOVE.

love is also when u hv to let them go..because u believe they deserve happiness more than they hv now..

If you let him go knowing that he has to go but he doesn't want to
... that's ~*Love*~

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for? This torture, this powerful death ourself? Why? The answer is so simple cause it's... LOVE. It is such an addictive thing that even people who are not having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well.

::my family::

2008-08-19T16:29:00.000+08:00

emm., i have to be grateful that my family members are all here..not really a real afmily, but consider them to be my family..i love them dearly and my life is full of them.heheheh..ok, i will tell you a little bit about my "family"

ok, this is my big happy family..i love them all.

this is my babah..i love him because he is always there for me..i love him because he makes me feel safe every nite when i'm sleeping. i love the way he accompanies me when i'm scared every nite.hahahhaha..meet my babah..he's red in colour..i love him.now, i always sleep with him other than my mother and ajwad..hehhehe..i feel save.

ok, this is my mother..i love mama very much..because she is so soft. i feel at ease whenver i cuddle her. she feels so close to my heart..i love her because, her body fits into mine when i cuddle her..i sleep everynite with my mama beside me..

this is ajwad..i love him very much..but i only sleep with him, whenver i am not very tired. not that i don't like him..but he makes a lot of noises..it's similar to ajwad in reality..hahhaha..i just can't sleep properly, if i sleep with him..=)

this is faruqi..i also love him very much..but, i seldom sleep with him. his eyes are so hard and they keep banging on the wall next to my bed..so, in short, they make lot of noises.hahahhaha..but, i love him..

this is my sister.ninie. i never sleep with her. i love her, but i don't think, it will be appropriate for me to sleep with her when she already has a baby..so, i xnk ggula...but, sometimes, i do put her under my head..it helps me to get a better sleep..if not because of her, i will get a headache.hehhehe=)

it looks like my mother..doesn't it???but no..this is my x..he can never be even almost like my mother..i loved him..he was always with me. every nite i would sleep with him..i would carry him whenever i went to unilodge. he couldn't leave my side..but, recently, i'm learning to sleep without him..i have to be prepare for all the possibilities.. so, gudbye x-baby.

this is Charming.. .emm.. he used to sleep with me, whenever i felt my whole world was upside down...but, now, i'm not so sure..sometimes, i will only cuddle Charming coz i think it will be too much if i sleep with him.hahhahaha..=) ~no strings attached obviously~

this is labrador..my friend..ida..i think i share evrything with her..i love her..i know sometimes she might hate me because of my stubborness, but i know, deep down, she loves me..hahahahha..betul x dayah??ayat2 prasan ni..hehehe..but, i don't care, i love her n i will always do..

and the other animals are my friends and my cats..sorry, i mlas nk upload gmbaq lg..tp xupload gmbaq2 itu, bukanla bermksud, sy tdak syang kmu..i love you always..to jan, fat and torn, i love you all dearly..

::20 ari mencari cinta::

2008-08-18T21:23:00.000+08:00

i like it..i love it.. i won a bet..tp sje je..buhsan..sje je aku nk gedixs2..bila single ni hormon gedixs mmg melebihi thap mencukupi..so hrusla hormon itu digunakan utk menggedixs..tp xpe je..dgan menggedixs, sya lebih gembra..hahhahahaha=) n btw, bet tu xdela pntg pun..sj bhan utk menggedixs..maaf ye, beberapa hari akn dtg, anda akn msih nmpak word gedixs ni terpapar dlam blog..kranya, skang musim gedixs la...

emm, 20 ari mencri CINTA..mna aku nk cri CINTA tu???mcm mna nk tau CINTA yg aku jmpa itu, adalah utk aku??mcm mna nk tau CINTA tu milik aku??mcm mna nk tau CINTA tumencintai aku???mcm mna??dlam msa 20 ari ni, mcm mna nk discover all things about CINTA????humm..dh tu, nobody can help me finding CINTA..bukan apa, bg aku, CINTA itu eksklusif..hnya org tertentu je boleh tau n rsa CINTA..humm, so now, aku dlam keadaan yg bengong2..aku xtau apa aku kena bt..tetiba rsa cam nk dissappear je..mlas btul aku nk pk bnda2 ni..kesimpulannya sekarang, i'm in the state of saiko+ gedixs.......n i want CINTA!!!

n lately, bnyak org keji ngan aku..kekejian ini telah membuat kn aku dh rendah diri..humm, i feel inadequate..n sumtimes, aku rsa, bnda2 camni la boleh mempengruhi keputusan aku untuk mencari CINTA..i mean, kalu ko hodoh, buruk, gemuk, hidung kembang, gajah, apa lgi???, xknla ko xnk bergantung kepada org yg sukakan ko walaupun ko adalah seperti yg diatas(buruk, hodoh, gemuk n segala la) tu????haaaaaaaaaaaa...jwab2???ada org yg nmpak kecntikkan ko walaupun org lain xnmpak???xkn ko xnk berharap pda org itu utk berada di samping ko???mcm mna tu???mcm dh wajibla, org prmpn ni, mst la slalu nk drinya dihrgai..n dia akn menghargai org yg menghargai dirinya..complex2...xsukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...nk blik!!!!

xpela..nk tdo..nwey, aku ada sweetheart jgk dlm olympic thun ni..usain bolt..aku rsa dia sexy..hahahhaha..walaupun dia hitam..tp xksahla..i loike him..ye, aku tau, taste aku terhadap lelaki sudaaaa berubah skang ni..tp xpe je aku rsa..still lelaki jgk..xdela songsang pun.hahhahaha

bye2..muackssssssssssss=)

::evil plan..hahahhahaha..but it's more like the gedixs plan::=)

2008-08-17T12:56:00.000+08:00

heheheh..it happened when i was staying in unilodge..as usual with my two buddies, ida n jannah..as usual kalu yg evil2 ni, jan xmsuk campur..jan angel.so, hrusla aku ngn ida je bt plan gedixs ini..ok, biar aku perkenalkn karkter2 yg ada dlm plan gedixs ini..

mii/ aii
shii
tutriwanfor

okies..karakternya ada 3 je..sket je..n crtanya begini...mii g la umah shii..n nk dibuatkan crta diorg dua ni buhsan..so, shii ajk mii trun bwah lepak2 smbil2 tu mengutuk org..so, mii pun bersetuju jela..n nk dibuatkan crita lg, shii tertinggal kunci bilik dlam bilik..reception desk plak dh tutup sbbnya dh lewat mlam..so, shii n mii kna la bermalam kt bwah je..tp, xknla 2 org perempuan nk bermalam di tempat terbuka n bermalam kt bwah je..so, mii pun trgt tutriwanfor yg tggl di dlm stu bgunan..alkisahnya, mii ni suka tgk tutriwanfor ni..n tutriwanfor ni dikabarkan suka kepada shii..so, hrusla, 2 org perempuan itu gedixs..so, plannye, shii akn tepon tutriwanfor n ckap kunci tertinggal..so blh x kalu dieorg dua nk bermalam di bilik tutriwanfor..hahahhaha..keji okess...n msa bermalam itula mii n shii akn bt gedixs yg thap dewa dewi n mnggoda tutriwanfor..hahhahahaa..kunun2 bonding moment gitewwww.itu la plan gedixnya..tp xde la plak plan tu dilaksanakan..

tp ida n aku dh bt sumthing yg mmg ktorg xplan pun..bt prank calls..hahahha..pdan muka..kiteorg call tutriwanfor tu..tp sekadar nk dgr sore die..n bla die dh angkt, kteorg pun letak la phone.hahahha..3 kli je..xbnyak..tp itu ckup utk membtkan tutriwanfor sentappppp..hahhahaha.pdan muka..sape srh ko comel sgt.hahahhaa

bye2..muacksssssssssssss..=)

::puteri terjun::

2008-08-17T09:31:00.000+08:00

hve u ever heard of this term???xpernah??jarang sekali??heheheh..fat is the one who invented this term few days ago..humm..n that term describes myself..hahhahaha..puteri???apakah itu??humm, bru2 ni, ak dh jd puteri..humm PUTERI GUNUNG LEDANG lg..hahhahaha..mcm mna boley jd mcm ni??humm..

ari selasa aritu, ida ada la dtg umah..mkn2, sembang, n ngumpat2 sket..n msa tgh sembang2 tu, terkeluar la ttg performance dieorg kt ekka ni..n sal tgh png psal performance tu sbbnya dancers xckopppp..so, tetiba, ada la plak otak aku ni idea yg boleyla diterima pkai..nk kta bernas xla..tp ianya praktikal la kot..kot..hehehheheh..sbb kn trian asmaradana itu xcukup tggl jg ngn zatil je..so jg kna jd puteri n zatil jd dayang la..tp mstila xcntik kn..sbbnya dia bkn odd number..lgpun nmpak skit sgt plak..nmpak mcm puteri tu xde kwan plak..n nk djdkan cerita, bla dh skit, zatil ni xnk menari..so, xknla nk biar jg menari sorg2..kesian dia,.so, cdgan aku ialah: amik je mna2 org utk jd puteri..tp puteri itu xmenari..sbb dgn short notice nye mcm mna nk blajar menari kn..and jeng jeng jeng..dgn tiba2, tnpa akus edari, aku pun jdla puteri terjun itu..mcm konon ada pakej lengkap la..xpndai menari, kayu, n available..tp kurang skit la..puteri itu HODOH...hahahhaha..aku la tu..yela..

n thun ni, bdk2 mysia kna bt performance 2 kali..iaitu pda ari rabu n sabtu..ok, ari rabu tu, as usual, aku mmg akn gelak atas stage..aku pun xtau penyakit apa..tp HRUS gelak..mcm syndrom la plak bila pk blik..kalu xde ats pentas, xde plak nk gelak..oppsss dia ni bkn syndrom ats pentas, tp depan org..humm, performance, presentation..pape je la yg terlbat ngan org...AKU HRUS GELAK...humm, teringat one time tu, kna choral speaking dpan chrt, as usual, aku yg malas ni hrusla xde part yg best2 pun, skdr menyumbang sore je la..tp itu pun aku xbleh bt..bla g depan je, aku trus xigt bnda2 yg aku dh hafal tu..n last resort, aku buka je mulut aku..buka tutup.buka tutup..n dh..dh abis..hahahha.bodoh bukan..cacat sebenarnya..tp xpela..at least aku mnyumbang jumlah org..hahahhaha..

n berbalik kpada performance kt ekka ni, for the secnd time, ari sbtu, aku dh xgelak dh..sbbnya aku dh vow, xnk gelak lg..bila gelak, it makes me looks even more hideous than before..so, dh berjanjila dlam dri xnk gelak lg..tp tggu..aku xgelak, tp aku bt bnda bodaoh lain..humm..aku as usual xtau bila nk msuk..bla jg ngn zatil kta nk msuk, msa tu la aku bru tau kna msuk..kalu dieorg xde, hrusla xtau n xmsuk..so, disbbkn keadaan aku yg ebngong itu, aku pun tergopoh2 la nk msuk..abis sume kain org aku pijak..memula diri sendri.n then zatil..astu aku rsa cam jg pun kna gak..n pjak lg kain dri sendri..ishla.............bnda pijak2 ni xselamat..kalu la xbernsib baik..dh trjtuh dh jg ngan zatil semlam..x ke malu kalu jd cam tu.eeeeeeeeeee..sufyana, ko mmg dh kna sumpahan xboleh berada di depan org..ye, sya tau..mmg sya akn jd cacat bila ada depan org..tp nape??????!!!!..

humm, kesimpulannya, msa 2 events tu, aku mmg cacat..aku mmg maluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!tp xpela..bukan ada org tau pun..i xkesah..!!!!

hehhehe..bye2..muacksssssssssss..

i love
i love
i like
i miss

=P

::i can't::

2008-08-12T12:30:00.000+08:00

humm..i didn't pay any attention to what the lecture was babbling at that time..my mind was empty..not really actually..i had this piece of time to review myself n my life recently..and suddenly i realized i lost soooooooooo many things by having my life done this way..tears were in my eyes..but how could i cry in front of the whole class..i had to hold back all the tears..n as usual, i became the psychotic lady..hahhahaha

now, read this::::

i can't cry..
i can't be sad..
i can't be bad..
i can't be in love..
i can't do anything..
i can't see him anymore..
i can't text him again..
i can't wait for him to wish me goodnite every nite..
i can't wait for him to wish me good mrning every new day..
i can't have his pictures pasted on my walls..
i can't miss him..
i can't love him..
i can't call him whenever i feel like i do..
i can't use his phone anymore even tho it was a present for me..
i can't wear the rings anymore even tho they fit me well..
i can't ride in his car..
i can't eat with him..
i can't go out on a date with him..
i can't be hugged by him..
i can't hold his hands anymore when i cross the roads..
i can't grab his arm when i am scared to death in the cinema watching horror movies..
i can't touch his face when he has something on his lips..
i can't argue with him when i'm shopping. he's not gonna be there to stop me from buying all those new clothes that i'll be wearing just to go out with him so that i'll be looking good..
i can't eat food with green veges coz he's not gonna be here to eat whatever veges i left in my plates..
i can't have that someone who listens to anything i say..
i can't have that someone who says i am beautiful even tho i know i'm the weirdest girl ever lives on the face of the earth..
i can't have that someone who always tells me that everything's okay when it is not..
i can't have that someone who remembers all the important dates in my life and celebrates it for me..
i can't have that someone who shares one important date with me..
i can't do anything that is related to that someone
n
most importantly i can't have him...

how i wish my life is not complicated as it is now..humm.in my class, maybe i'm a "magician" but in real life..i'm nothing..emm, i guess it will be good if i were a real magician.. i know what i should perform first..of course, get myself a whole package of being brainy and gorgeous..then, i will find a cute guy who wll love me and only me...hahhahah..what a dream..tp heran apa aku..aku punya mimpi..

having your hair done is currently "HOT"=P

2008-08-09T16:10:00.000+08:00

hehhehe..many thanks i address to my beloved fren, dayah for her time and money for accompanying me to get my hair done in brisbane hairdressing school last wednesday..hehehhe..thanx beh!!!aku tau duit itu kmu mahu guna utk kawen, tetapi disebabkan kamu mahu melayan kesaikoan rakan kamu, maka, terpaksala kamu menghabiskan duit ituuuuuuuu..hehhehehe..

humm..that was the second time i got my hair cut since the beggining of the year..i remember the first time i wanted to cut my hair, aiyoooooooooo pk beratus2 kli b4 nk g kedai tu..nk ptg ke x ek?ok ke kalu ptg?seswai ke ngan muka aku?bnyak la pertanyaan di dlam otak ini..tp last2 g jgk salon itu..nrmbut aku dipotong jua...humm..nsib baik jan teman msa ni, so xde la prasaan myesal itu tebal sngt..hehhehe..for the second time, i wanted my hair to look diffrent from the usual..lgpun, i saiko..so, hrusla get rid of something..it is like a symbolic ritual for myself if i want to forget a part of my problem..it's like a theraphy..n i think having your hair done when you're suddenly "single" does help you a bit.. it helps me!!!..hahhahaha...so, i asked ida to accompany me to the salon..last2, dia pun nk jgk...humm, so, both of us, truskanla misi untuk mendapatkan rmbut bru..haihhhhhh..lma okes.... yg peliknya aku la yg lma..terasa mcm berzaman kt salon tu..pnatla...aku yg gunting rmbut ni sma je msanya ngan ida yg gunting n warna rmbut..sakit otak aku..hheeeeeeeeee..tp ok jgkla..at least, my mind is occupied with something else. it's better to think about something else rather than "that" thing....

so now, i'm quite happy with my new hair..even though, some of my friends say that they can't seem to find any differences between my previous look..i don't mind..i'm happy, maybe a part of myself now, is in a bin.(hopefully, my misery too is in the bin)...hahhahahha..=)

i'm bad

2008-08-08T03:40:00.000+08:00

last night, i couldn't control myself. i fell for the temptation to sms him. i did n i felt quite bad about it. i shouldn't do it because i know, if i still give him hope, how can he moves on with his new life..GOD, forgive me, i'm so bad.. it was not purely my attention to hurt his feeling even further with what i've done recently..i admit, night time is the most prone time in my life now..hrus okes...mlam2 aku hrus gedixs, rindula..apa la..bnyakla..no..i have to stop..dear friends, please help me!!!now, i'm in KG..i should start doing the wiki thingy but my mind can't just seem to be getting anywhere there,, asyik terlekat kt sini je..camne ni..
bye-bye..aku da buhsan kt sini..nk bt apa ek?

the trouble with love is..

2008-08-07T03:25:00.000+08:00

emm. just a few days ago, i have made quite a big decision regarding my life..now, i'm still in the heat of that decision. trying to move away from what i've used to do in my life not an easy things to do.. i still need a bit of time in adjusting myself to fit in the current situation that i'm in..few glitches are inevitably avoided...if i still miss him every nite before i fall to sleep, i can't help it..if i still be waiting for his msg every day and nite, i can't help it too..this is just a new thing to me..i still need time to fit myself in that situation. people do mistakes, so do i..

i'm in the wrong side..i'm the bad one..so you dun have to look at me with those sympathetic eyes..just be yourselves, like you were before this..i'm not asking, anyone to pay extra attention to me.. it wasn't in my plan to be the center of attention.n certainly, i'm not the center of attention.

this break/clash/ separation or whateva u may call it, is the best time for both of us to learn about ourselves.i need time to discover my true feeling for him.. if he has already known his feeling, that doesn't mean that i too have the same feeling. is he is certain about me, that doesn't certainly true, that, i'm too certain of having him in my life..i know, 3 yrs and few months, mybe quite a long period of time for me to make such decision only now.if not now, when can i be free to think about myself, this relationship and also him??if i were to wait for another year, it will only become worst because then, it will be 4 yrs..how abt that?does it make sense to what i'm trying to do now???mybe it's just my mistake not to do this earlier.but only now i have the courage to do so..i'm willing to let him go for good, if he really isn't the one for me..i'm willing to take the path where i have to be lonely in order to know myself and what my true feelings are..

and sincerely, i do not blame any of my friends who short to judge me abt this matter..they are there for me when i need them and i'm so grateful for that. they always be there for me to support me for whateva decision i made, make or may make..but, i can really tell, they are quite disagree with what i've done now..i'm sorry dear friends..maybe you are right, i'm not grateful for what i had and i'm a complex person..maybe..n if i were in you places, i will think the same too..

if what i've written in this entry may bring hurts to your heart, i sincerely apologize for that..i'm truly are..maybe i'm not so good with words, but this is the way that i can express my feeling..but, know that, deep down i love all of you...

it's been a day

2008-08-06T10:10:00.000+08:00

wouushhhhh..it's only a day..i thought it's been a week..maybe, at my stage, a day equals to a week..so far, during daylight, i dun have any problem in reassuring myself that i'm gonna be okay..em..the problem lies with night time...it's been a hell of time for me now..i'm trying to control myself from contacting him. and only God knows, how long can i control myself and how can i control myself..it's just to hard for me not to contact him..but i know, if i don't contact him, the chances he meets with someone new is larger and maybe it will be good for him and also myself if that situation happens..he gets to know other girls other than myself..n i get to know what my real feeling for him too..if he happens to have somebody new, maybe it's a good sign that he isn't just made for me..and if i were to have somebody new, mybe it will be the sign for him that he is better off with a girl like me by his side..so after all, i guess this separation is a good time for both of us to learn things about ourselves..i hope he understand it..and i hope, after all the rationalization that i have made here, i will be strong too..please!!!

it's all been said and done..

2008-08-05T08:14:00.000+08:00

emm..after all the time that i've been through thinking and rationalizing my actions to be, i've finally done it..not that i feel i've done something good, but i guess after all it is for him..i finally give him the chance to re-look at myself and also this r/ship. and as for myself, i am still in the bridge of deciding whether to call this decision as the biggest sacrifice i've ever made until this point of time or whether i should call it the biggest n foolish mistake that i've ever done in my entire life..i'm still deciding..

i know for myself that, night time will be the hardest time in my life now..even if i use the largest rationalize thinking or self-assurance, i will fail to compose myself..but i believe, it's just a matter of time, till i find this crying-weeping-regretting- regime as my new routine and habit..

it's so hard to own-up the decision that i've made. i know, there will be no turning back for me..i've to be strong bcoz, after all i'm the one who make that decision.and for him, i wish all the best..and for myself, i hope i can learn something out of this decision.

::Cruel To Be Kind::

2008-08-01T16:06:00.000+08:00

have you heard about this phrase??um.recently, i have heard enough of this phrase..everywhere i go it seems to me that i will meet with this phrase..i've done some thinking n i thought maybe it is a sign that i should be doing the same..emm..maybe i am a bitch but not to the persons who are dear to my heart..i guess after all i'm just a bitch-to-be.hahhaha...

..i've been thinking about this matter not only tomorrow or last week but i guess it's all over my mind since 3 months ago..i've been thinking of being fair to this person (A) who is so nice n good to me..not that i don't like A, but i feel A deserves someone better as i do not feel as much as what A feels towards me. so, i want to set the record straight..no more injustice being done to other human being because of my selfishness..but, just to think about doing it, it reaps my heart badly as i know, if i am the one who calls and put an end to this relationship..it's not fair because i guess i am the one who builts it. it's built almost four years ago in the basic of using A in order to forget somebody else.it's not fair to A as i am the one who should be responsible in making this r/ship works but at the end, i am the one who wants to withdrawn from it..not that i don't love him, but i finally know that i love him and i just realise that i am being cruel to him for letting him believe that i love him all along since 4 years ago..i just love him last year. .but this year i'm starting to feel that he wasn't the one for me.n most importantly, i don't deserve to be with him. A can find a much much much better girl than me if i give him the opportunity to do so..

so the problem is now, that i have the realisation, it's so hard for me to tell him that i want to end the r/ship..i know he will be hurt if i say this to him n i know the way that karma thingy works...humm..so i guess, for this matter it will be better if he is the one who hurts my feeling. he is the one who cheats on me.he is the one who turns his back on me. n seriously speaking, i prefer to be the suffering one. i guess, maybe it will only be fair, if i am the one who feels the pain because after all, i'm the bad one..

so, at this point of time, i really do not know what to do..i love him but i cannot lie to him anymore. i should set him free n if there is a word called 'jodoh' between the two of us, then the two of us, should really be together whenever or wherever we are destined to..so, for now, i don't know!!!!!!!!!!should i be cruel to be kind????

bye..muacksssssss

::HARI YANG B**I::

2008-07-29T02:19:00.000+08:00

emm..aku bgun seperti biasa..emm not really..arini, ada semangat bru nk mulakan ari dgn bnda2 yg baik..so aku bgun awl la..bgn solat subuh..sebelum ni ya Allah..liat betul nk bgun..rsa nya kalu pecah handphone tu berbunyi alarm clock pun blum tentu aku boleh bgun..cam org kta xde motivasi gitewwwwwwww...so hrusla xbgun..Ya Allah..ampunilah aku YA Allah..=)..humm..so pendek cite, aku bgunla..berkobar2 nk bt baik arini..arini xnk dh mngata2 org..xnk dh umpat keji pn. pantt..bnyakla azam bru ak..humm..tp itu sume azam okessssssss...xde stu yg berkesan pun..

ok, ak start g klas cam besa..tp awal la kali ni..as usual..petanda pertama yg menunjukkan ari aku bakal menjadi hampeh ialah bila aku smpai kelas n dgr org tnya psal task yg Jo bg..ok,org2 rumah kt West End ni bnyak plak idealogies nye psal task ini..bnyak org mempunyai pndgan berbeza trhdap task ini termasukla aku..aku ingat Jo minta bt 1 PAGE pndgan kta terhadap ideas presented in that particular reading..Fat plak, as usual, ignorant cam aku jgk, ingat Jo srh bt SUMMARY n the last one school of Aim..Aim plak ckap Jo srh bt ONE PARA REASONS why we should buy that journal..so, kt sini, nmpak sgtla dlam stu kelas itu ada yg belajar n ada yg x..memula, aku yakinla, aku yg belajar sbbnya, kunun, last week ak tumpu perhatian giteww.......hahhahaha..yakin diri adalah harus..hahhaha..sehinggalah aku smpai kelas n org pun ckap psal task ni..so bila dgr bebaik, ternyata AIM YG BETUL!!!!.hahhahaha..tnpa membuang msa, hrusla aku malu..giat okes..bt one page..padahal dia nk 1 para je..oo God..lg stu, aku kn suka bergaduh skit ngan Aim, hruslah aku malu trhadap kekalahan ini..n Aim tnpa membuang msa berkata "KAN AKU DH HABAQ, HAMPA XMAU PERCAYA"..so, terkalah la aku disitu....

n kekalahan itu xberakhir disitu..arini, cam biasa, aku pkai la bju bunga2 kecik aku..dgn BELT okes...aku beli belt itu dr MElbourne..so, cam rsa kalu xpkai rugila..bukan senang kan..humm..tp apabila si Hidayah ni buka mulut psal babi, aku pun dh gabra..emm xkot..belt aku okesss je..tp dgn pntasnya dayah nk bgi cnth n trus tgk belt aku...n from her face, ak dh tau belt itu babi........sentap aku..tp dgn rsa tidak boleh trimanya, aku pun ckap.."emm..xpela beh, dh pkai, pkai dh..biaq jela..lgpun kalu ak bukak, nmpak cam org mengandung plak"..ye aku tau, itu tdak bgus..itu jahil namanya..tp mcm mna????emm..terpksa la aku mnjadi gembala babi itu (term ini dtgnya dri FAT)...seari okes, pinggang aku berbalut dgn babi..hahhaha..tp at this point of time, ak dh samak dh la...

n seperti biasa, klas2 yg aku g sume pun terasa buhsan..tmbh2 lg, klas media..xthan okes..mta aku mmg brat time tu..aku pun xpsti, syaitan tu dh obese yg thap apa..mmg nk buka mta tu memerlukan stu tenaga yg kuat..ngantukkkkkkkkkkk...putus asa aku..n seperti biasa..adalah manusia keji..mirmo, mambo n stu lgi apa ek???mamu ke??mulu???eh..apa ntah yg pasti keli a.k.a JOBM la.....memula dh pggl aku gembala babi n dh2 tu ada plak yg keji ckap aku kentut dlam kelas..ya Allah..sumpah, aku xkentut okes..kalu x dh lma terberak ni..xde msanya nk tulis2 blog ini.tp yg pasti org yg ckap itu KEJI..hahahhaha...

pstu, adegan semasa di dalam bas...bas itu lambat dn harusla aku n rkan2 lain kena berdiri..so, ksut gedixs ini tdak plak mencengkam lantai bas itu n terhoyong-hayangla aku di situ..n hapir nk jtuh..tp papepun, maintain..xjtuh..cuma cam rumput je..bas belok, aku pun belok la..tp over belok..hahahhaha..papepun slmat smpai umah...

mmm..apa lg ek???xde dh kot..tu jela kot..rsa seperti single plak skang ni.hahhahaha..saiko..sya saiko..sy tau sya saiko..gdnite..

muackkssssssss!!!!

::words, phrases n sentences that bring meaning to my life as they tell the stories of my life::

2008-07-27T14:06:00.000+08:00

i've been starting to doubt myself..not hugely, bcoz there haven't been mny men that i am interested in, but i do hve the tendency to fall for the ones who will nver be intrsted in me n ones that fall for my charms are gnerally pretty revolting.hahaha..it's true..it happens to me..
she has enough self-confidence (or whateva u might call it) to say: "this is who i am..take it or leave it"..aihh. i really hope i can be like that..no matter what i do, i will always think about the other person. regardless whether they are friends , just friends or my one..i constantly try to fit myself in, so that the other person will not be feeling that they are left out..aihh..i don't know.
after spending so any years chasing men, i now realize that it's better not to call them. EVER.if you can possibly help it. and that includes calling them back n seriously speaking, i'm really bad at that one...hehehe..it's quite true for myself..even after i seriously vow that i don't wnt to talk to him or at the very least i don't want to chat or see his face gain, i just can't do that.. that's my problem. i know.aihh..recently, i have erased his number from my phone in the false hope tht i will not contact him ever again..but seriously what was i thinking??/i still have his email..ooooooo GOD!!!it's so complicated!!!
the advantages of being single. when you're busy socializing and meeting men, it's the best thing in the world and you would not want any other way than being single..but,when all ur single girlfriends suddenly seem to hve their own boyfriends n you're the one who is still be on your own, being single will be as miserable as a sin.. don't tell me you have not ever felt this way...coz if you are, u are being ridiculously-try-to-be-happy-even-when-u-r- not...hehhehe..i'm just saying this out of my personal experience..yep..it's true.one of my reason for not being single is because i don't want to be lonely.n it is also the reason why i still holding on to the relationship which is ready to fall, crash and burn..aihh..i know it's not fair..but i chose to believe it..i don't want to not to believe it..so, that's how i can tell what my love life is..
you have to give evry relationship ur all because, if u r going to get hurt, u r going to get hurt, but at least at the end u know that u gave it ur best shot..i'm not sure how true can this be..as for myself..i prefer to do the least.. yes, i know, i'm not being quite a brave here but i choose the way that will not get myself badly hurt.. i prefer to be hurt not badly hurt..i don't know, maybe it's my weakness that i don't seem to care to give my relationship my all, but i have the concrete reason for not doing it.because, if i give my all, what will be left for myself if i ever face the break-up thingy..i'm being selfish here..i know

i think that's all for now..will continue later..still have work to do..ishhhhhhhhh..at the moment.my internet is being so ridiculously very unhelpful towards me, so, hapdet itu adalah sedikit mustahil..hehhehe..sorry..

bye bye..muackkkkksssss

samb::melbourne yg best n at the same time saiko::

2008-07-25T11:07:00.000+08:00

huahuahau...ingat x lg entry yg lepas when i told u story about the beginning of my saiko holidei???ni sambungan nye okesss..i sambung okes!!!!! humm..so bermula la perjalanan aku ke colangatta airport..kemain susah nk reach this airport tp berkat kegigihan aku n fat yg telah pun membuat research a week before my departure date, hrusla tiba di airport itueww dgn selamat..humm..spanjang perjalanan naik train n bas nk ke airport tuh..xde bnda sgt la nk crita..korg pun mst dh tau by now yg kalu aku letih, aku msti tido..n kalu tido dlam keadaan letih..hrusla mulutku terbuka.........hahahhaha.hodoh..aku tau hodoh..tp nk bt mcm mna..bkn i yg nk okesssssss......hehhehe..humm..psal boots babi aku itueww,,,aku n ida amik keptusan nk samak kt robina station..hrusla di pagi yg sejuk itu aku n ida terbongkok2 menggali tanah..hahahhaha..pstu masuk toilet n menjadi ala2 kaki mandrem gitewwwwwww..mana x nya..kalu korg xtau psal hal samak2 ni, apa pndgan korg kalu korg nmpak ada two suspicious looking girls tgh menggosok2 tgn di dlam sink dgn menggunakan tanah..bukanla pasir or tanah yg cntik wrnanya..tetapi tanah yg kotor tu..yg kotorlaaaaaaa...apa pndgan nya kalu tidak kaki mandrem?????haaaaaaaaaaaaa..jwab2...

xpela..kira abis kt situ la cite aku di brisbane..so, dh lpas sume check counters ak pun naik la flight..nk g melbourne..flight aku 2 jam je..tp dlm msa 2 jam itu pun aku smpt lg beradu..hahhaha..kaki tido betul la..tp nk bt camne..i letih..hahhaha...smpi je melbourne airport..dh terasa sejuk..sejuk sgat..xthan aku..tp demi gaya, hrus kugagahi jgk..nk bt camne kn..xknla nk sembunyi dlm kpal terbang tu spi pnas..hrus smpi summer aku kt dlam tu..so kluar la..n tetiba bila kluar je dr pintu peswat itu, aku trsa seperti org kya..yela..slalunya ada jln yg menghubungkan psawat ngan bgunan..tp bila naik tiger airways ni kuar je pswat trus kt luar..i mean bkan bgunan..luar tu..yg mcm landasan tu..hrusla aku feeling diva..dgn angin nye..hahhaha..trasa sperti naik pswat peribadi..biarpun rmai org.hahhahaha..xpela..aku pun cont journey aku g amik beg sgala n berpandukan msg yg fat tlah anta b4 this,dieorg akn smpai kt international airport (ak kt domestic jela..private jet x g smpi international.hahhahahah)...so aku pun sibuk la nk cri int. airport plak..elok dh jmpa..bolehla aku berehat2..tetapi..msg yg fat bg selpas itu sgt menyakitkan jiwa n raga aku..flight diorg delay okesssss...............haaaaaaaaaaaaaa..xlarat la nk tggu...memula delay 2 jam..pstu cam aku rsa tmbah 2 jam delay lg..so kesudahannya, aku ni 4 jam berumah di int. melbourne airport.sedey okes........dh mcm penunggu dh aku kt situ..xlarat..nk mkan pun xlalu bila dok sengsorg ni..buhsan..aku ni dh mcm pompuan meroyan..rmbut ni xtaula dh ruapa apa dh msa tu..4 jam ok..aku yg memula "diva" td pun dh bertukar menjadi syr bayam dh..penattttttttttttt.......xlarat.............

humm..tp nsib baikla selpas 2 jam lebey aku tggu, asyi, am n niza dh smpi..so xdela aku tercongek sorg2 kt airport tu..penat la..tp better la skit bla ada org nk ckap kn..n di kesempatan itu, ada la jgk aku manfaatkan msa itu utk bergedixs bersma camera bru asyi..so ok la..not so bad la..tp aku ttap dh jd bayam..xde apa yg boleh ubah aku menjadi diva kmbali..period.

hum..dh lpas tggu 4 jam itu, smpila jgk fat n rakan2..hahhaa..spe lg kalu bukan mirmo, sutun n keli..so kiteorg pun bersedia la nk g tmpat penginapan pulak..FYI, msa kt melbourne ni accom. kteorg adalah COFFEE PALACE..class kn nama..tp hrus ingat...ada apa dgan nama..hahhahahhaha..cont. later okies..ak nk g tgk princess diaries plak..bubbye..

hapdet later okes!!!

::FIRST DAY IN THE LAST SEM AT QUT::

2008-07-22T13:47:00.000+08:00

huhu..bunyi cam skema2 je kn title for this entry???sbnarnya x ok..hehhe..ok..basically, for this sem, i only have classes for three days only and the most tiring day of all the three is Monday which is today..starting from 8.30am until 9pm i have to present myself at KG..huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..such a long and bored day to be in..mmgla bukan blaja straight..tp hrus ingat..sejak2 umah kt West End ni, it doesn't make sense if i want to go back home n take some rest. ..dh elok rest tuh, tau la apa jdnya..hrusla x pg dh klas after tu..tidolaaaaaaaaaa..hehhehe..so, fat and i pun ikutla cikjan n cikida ni kunun nk blik unilos..tp apa..dh elok mkan kt Myer je n u know what..dl msa yg xseberapa itu..lnyap jgak 30 dol untuk shopping accessories kt DIVA..saiko aku..makan nk budget je..amik yg plg kecik..dh tu ada special offer lak tu..hruslah yg palng murah...tp bila bab shopping ni kan..dia lupa diri sikit..kuar je duit tu..xingat nk smpan2 dh..xingat nk beli yg plg mrah..eeeeeeeee....tensen..kalu ada income ok jgk..ni xde..outcome jes.......hahhahaha...

pstu....dh elok shopping, sume pun start la prasan diva gituewwwwwwwwwwww...dgn accessories yg dibeli td..sorg pun xnk kalah dlam melaram..kecuali cikjan..cikjan baik arini...yg lain sume nk jd diva gitewww...termasukla aku..hahahha..punya sibuk melaram kt unilos itu, aku ni smpai terlupa klas start kul 2..bila aku tgk jam kul 1.23pm, aku pun cam heran la bdak2 ni siap awlnya..xnk rehat dlu ke..aku pun ckap.."wey, sbb apa hampa dok siap2 ni..awl lg..bru 1.23.klas kn start kul 3"...aihhhhhhhhhhhhh...nmpak sgt xready nk ke klas..kelas start kul 2 okes..aku je yg pham klas start kul 3..hahhaha..ignorant..or should we call it BUGILOST..hahhah...new invented term tu..hrus guna selepas ini..hahhaha..dh tu apa lg..lmbt la kteorg ni..dh smpi blok itu, nk cri kelas plak..ya Allah..klas nye xtau nk naik ikut mna..cri tangga xjmpa2..guna emergency stairs la..apa la..last skali jmpa jgk..tp of cos la dh lwat..aihh..fail to impress sudaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

blaja cam besala lepas tu.not paying attntion is a must..malas aku..........eeeeeeeee...pstu..abis klas..tp kelas itu jela..ada lg kelas kul 6..pnat la............so dgn sejuknya aku ngan fat pun g library..bknla g bca buku or cri resources..g cri tempat berlindung untuk si anak gajah makan..bkanla aku anak gajah itu..fatla.....melantak pizza ok..2 slices..hehehhe...aku as usual la..sembangla..apa lgi nk bt kan...hahhaha..

pstu kul 6 start la klas yg buhsan itu...humm..apa pun xmsuk dlam otak ak ni..blurr je..mta aku pun dh bg sign2 yg dia xblh bkak dh..dh xthan dh..aihhhhhh..tp x jgk msa tu berlalu dgn cepat..tensen tensen..dhla plak..ada makhluk tuhan yg keji di situ(mirmo)..ntahla apa yg dia bt..keji okes..nant aku akn crita kekejian nya ituew...tggu..bnyak sgt ar bnda yg nk cite..xtau nk start dr mna..yg penting KEJI..hhahahahaha

inilah makhluk tuhan yg keji itu..

n skang dh ada kt bilikla..pnat ok..ngantuk sgat..tp memandangkan..cik norton srh aku hupdate slalu..hrusla aku hupdate..untuk tdak mghmpakan hrapan cik norton yg jauh nun di sana..k la..dh ngantuk sgt ni..nk smbg bca MR.MAYBE plak..bye..gdnite...mmmuuuaaacckkkssssss

::permulaan holiday yg menyaikokan:: (tune anda harus mcam dlam cerita doraemon...hahhaha)

2008-07-21T09:04:00.000+08:00

humm..i went to melbourne on the 7th of July 2008..okes..kes2 pelik yg tlah berlaku trhadap diriku started even before i first stepped my feet in Melbourne..kt West End ni dh jd dh..pelik n sangat menyampah okesssssss...dlm entry ni, i want to list all the things that i considered being so unfair and ridiculously funny-yet-controverting towards me n my "well-being" during my stay in Melbourne..hahhahahaha

the first thing that happened to me or should i call it the beginning sign of the "saiko" holiday???hehehhe...okies..nite before the day of my departure to melbourne, i couldn't sleep.maybe nervous.maybe not.maybe anxious that i might had overslept or maybe i just couldn't wait to be there.hehehhe..okla..dh xboleh tido tu, aku pun dgan slow nye kuar dri bilik..nape slow???of coz lupa nk gtau ida was sleeping in my bedroom n taqi on the sofa..so hrusla sneaking out slowly..xnk la ggu dieorg tido..humm..aku nk g dapur je pun..nk mkan nsi..suddenly i remembered that at that time, i still have two drumsticks..ayoyo..mna boleh xmkan..rugi okessssssssss..hehhehe..so, aku pun melantakla dgn perut yg besar.........n after mkan...sakit perotttttt la plak..saiko okess..msa tu mmg aku terbayang dh mcm mna muka aku spanjang perjlanan nk ke melbourne..mst mcam org giler yg sedang menahan sakit di perut.........ish..spoil betul ok...aku xtdo smpai ke pgi n akhirnya kul 4.00 pun tba jua...so blhla kejut ida n taqi..xdela buhsan dh aku..about that stomachache, dh okes...bgus2..alhamdulillah..hehhe=)

tp nmpaknya...my good time was not long enough coz...spnjang2 perjalanan nk ke south brisbane station itewwwwwwwww aku asyik terperanjat..terperanjat yg mcm nk luruh jantung ituewwwwwwww..eeeeeeeeeee....kus semangat aku..aku ingat lgi, sedang syok berjalan ada sore2 sumbang dri belakang..yg peliknya aku n ida sore tu ckap assalamualaikum..aku tye2 tu jgk meremang bulu roma..hahhahaha..dan2 rsa nk terduduk kt jalan tu..alih2 ida ckap kt ak.."beh, basikal beh"..aku pun pusing belakang tgk..yela ada basikal..omputih plak tu..mcm mna dia boleh bg salam..konius aku..n aku tnya ida.."ang dgar pape x td beh???" ida ckap "dgar, dia bg salam ke???hahhahaha..xpela..mgkn aku n ida pekak sket wktu tu..tp yg psti bukanla sore makhluk tuhan yg satu lgi ituewwwwwwww..eee.tkut aku..

okies...dh elok smpai train station..smpai awl okessssssssss..hrusla aku, ida n taqi tggu lma..rsanya smpai sebelum kul 5 sedangkan train yg aku nk naik itu kul 5.23 pg..xpela..buang msala kt situ..n tnda2 holiday saiko pun uncul lgi..hujan..hujan okes........tp nsib baikla kiteorg dh smpi dh kt stesen..bgusssssssss..tp yg xbgusnya..sementara tggu train itu smpi, ida pun mnta nk try boots aku..dh aku bg try..mkcik tu pun ckap.."humm..sedap...xrsa sejuk dh pun" aku pun adala jgk terkembang kempis di situewwwwwwww..hahhahah..tp xlama..terus bgai panah, ida pun melalak "beh, boots ang ni kulit babi beh"..aku pun mcm rs xnk percya n aku pun kta "huh???ya ka??ish xknla kot"..dyah kta "betoi beh..ni tiga titik ni.." aku pun dgn prsaan hampa n tdak mahu percya pun tgkla boots itu...mmg betoi pun.......EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE............GERAM AKU OKIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS..INI YG PALING SENTAP SEKALI ANTARA KEJADIAN2 YG BERLAKU SEMASA AKU HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..babila plak boots ni..ni yg aku menyampah ni..hello..ak xde boots lain dh..in fact dh xde ksut lain dh yg aku bwa dlm luggage itu untuk holiday tau...eeeeeee....sentap aku..nk tau apa yg aku buat??hehheheh..tggu ok..

humm..that's for now..will write later..bnyak okess...ni bru permulaannya saje.......tunggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..hehheheh=)

n FYI, muka aku dh jd mcm ni la sket2..hehhe.geram okessssssssssssssssss,..nk je aku sepak boots tuh..tp dh pkai kt kaki kn..so tndang2 angin je la.......hehheh..

::i don't want to talk about it::

2008-07-16T16:40:00.000+08:00

sedey lgu ini..sswai dgn saya sekarang...

I can tell by your eyes that you've prob'bly been cryin' forever,
and the stars in the sky don't mean nothin' to you, they're a mirror.
I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart.
but if I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, my heart?

If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the colors of my heart;
blue for the tears, black for the night's fears.
The star in the sky don't mean nothin' to you, they're a mirror.
I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart.
but if I stay here just a little bit longer,
if I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, my heart?
my heart, whoa my heart, this ol' heart.

I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart,
but if I stay here just a little bit longer,
if I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, my heart?
My heart, whoa, my heart.

FRIEND OR "friend"???

2008-07-01T18:50:00.000+08:00

humm..recently, lots of things happen to me and honestly speaking, i'm very grateful as these things have opened my eyes about my friends friends who are really friends and friends who are just friend..humm.. and at this point of time, suddenly my mind is struck by this sentient issue and i think the most suitable place to pour my heart about this issue is by blogging. i try to keep it very inexact as possible as i don't want to hurt further those who are hurt by me..hehhe.. what makes them real friends for me?

A friend ALWAYS comes to the aid of a friend in need.
A real friend ALWAYS defend one another.
Real friends ALWAYS welcome and may even impose on one another at inconvenient times. they do not leave their own friends for something or someone else.
Real friends do not take advantage on one another. They are friends for what they are. Not because they want something from one another or use one another to achieve something that they want..
Real friends support each other for whatever decision that one may take without even questioning or criticizing them for the way they choose to live their own lives..
Real friends do not abandoned each other when they face difficulties or when they face happiness..

emm..i believe these describe what constitute real friends to me.. what makes the just friends for me?

They are there with you when you are happy but sometimes they fail to present themselves when you are sad n whatever excuses that they may give you the real reason will only be because, they do not want to share the hard time with you.
They tried very hard to be supportive for you but in the end they fail to do so just by supporting you to make the wrong decision in your life..they may not realize it but the truth is the want you to crash and burn by your own decision..
They try very hard for keeping you from knowing about the good things that happen in their life maybe because they feel that they do not want to disturb you.but the real truth is that, they want to keep the happiness for just themselves and they do not even want to share it with you.so don't bother asking..heheh..but the weird thing is, they want to know every single good thing that happens in your life. you just can't keep it as a secret from them because, if they know about these "secrets", you will be "over"..hahhaha
They befriend with you because they want something from you. if it is not a tangible thing it may be because of the association. we call it friends with benefits..who knows?only God knows.

throughout my 22 years of living in this world, i have come to learn that we can have many friends but to choose real friends from the friends that we have is a difficult task to do, because it takes us maybe a lifetime to discover it..but, blimey, it can be done..with just a simple incident you can know who you can trust, n who are not. who you can share your secrets with n who can't you, who will always be by your side through good and bad times n who will leave you if u r on the unfavorable sides of things. you can tell by yourself n few repeated events will only provide you some support of your thoughts about them..but you, yourself can really tell who are your friends and who are just your friends.. heheh..what do you think? do u agree with me?

::AJWAD GEDIXSSSS::

2008-06-26T12:54:00.000+08:00

another day has passed me by yet i'm still with my old habits and attitudes..doing nothing all day long..wasting time by sleeping and cuddling under my sweet comfy little quilt..aiyo...xleh jd kan..but i do not know what else can i do when i'm not having any class or lectures to attend.. oooo GOD...i'm bored to death right now.. humm, last nite i phoned my mom..we had a little chat about my current life. a little bit of gossiping going on last nite and we ended our conversation by me, asking my littlest brother to speak with me on the telephone...n dgn bannganya aku pun ckap kt dia..dia refers to AJWAD.

me : adik, kak pie ni..cheq dok wat apa?
ajwad:kmi xbt apa la..dok rehat2 ni..awat?
me : ooo..xaihh..kak pie sja nk tnya hampa, hampa dah g tgk belum Incredible Hulk?kak pie p tgk dh..be.....
ajwad: dh..kami pi tgk dh crita tu..humm kami tgk mughah je.. 5 kupang je..kami p tgk kt makmal komputer arini.best

(n dlam hati aku, aku xsmpat lg ckap crita tu best..kunun aku nk menunjuk la ak dh g tgk crita best n dia dh ketggalan, alih2 dia lg hebat dri aku..so, cra lain untuk "memusnahkan" ego budak kecik ni aku pun bertanya...)

me : hampa pham ka crita tu?dia kn ckap omputih?

(ko tau apa dia jwab???terbakar aku dgan mulut budak ni)

ajwad: mestilah kami pham..kmi pun tau omputih..

(oooo GOD...xnk mengaku kalah wey.. n aku pun sambung...)

me: humm xpela..hampa dh p tgk..kami ingat hampa xp tgk lgi..aaa....

(bru ak nk ckap adik, dia trus potong n ckap...)

ajwad : humm..xpala..hampa ckap ngan mama..kami letih sgt la la ni..kami nk p tdoq..

(waaaaaaa..sentap ak sebentar di situ n selpas tu, berdekah2 ak gelak..)

n aku pun continue the conversation with my mother..n last dh tu, nk muah2 segala la..mak aku ckap.

mama: opie, depa semua kt sini, kirim slam kt opie. jga dir....

(xsempat lgi my mom nk abis ayat, ak terdengar sore2 sumbang dri belakang)

ajwad: mama tipu..kami xsruh kirim slam pun kt opie..ckap kt opie, kmi xkirim slam kt dia..
(waaaaaaaaaa..aku pun blas)

me : mama, habaq kt adik, opie pun xkirim slam kt dia jgk..

(belum sempat mak aku ckap bnda tu kt ajwad, dia trus ckap dah..)

ajwad: habaq kt opie, kami xkisah pun..

hahhahahahha...lwak gila ajwad ni..ak rsa msa ak tgh ckap ngan my mom tu, dia x g tdo pun..mest dia melekapkan telinga dia kt phone tu jgk..hahhahaha...nway, perbualan ak yg sebentar itu telah berjaya membuat ak terlupa sebntar msalah2 yg ak ada di sini..best jgk bila gaduh ngan ajwad ni..dia mmg xbleh kalah..hrus menang setiap masa..n aku pun sma jgk..hrus xbleh klah..biarla..kakak ke adik ke..ak mmg xksah..mmg best pun gdh2 ni..N satu lgi, ajwad ni jgkla yg selalu bt ak happy pun..i love him very much!!! hahhahaha..sekian..=)

::HAHHAHAHAH...SILLY ME::

2008-06-25T18:21:00.000+08:00

okes..nk tau bnda silly apa yg aku bt arini..bkn arini sgt la..lebey kurang 1 jam lepas..

ak tgh dgar mp3 ak n suddenly ak terdengar lgu yg prnah aku dedicate kt seseorg..lgu nye adalah if it's loving that you want by rihanna..so ak mcm tergembira lebey n melompat2 gitew..yela.. i thought dj radio kt australia ni psang lgu tu..mmg sgt magic la kot..sbb lgu tu dh lma..hahhahaha..msa berjalan smbil berjoget dgar lgu tu, ak pun realise..HELLO...U R LISTENING TO UR OWN PLAYLIST IN UR OWN MP3..HRUSLA ADA LGU FAV KO..BONGEK.hahhahahhaha..lihat kebongekkan ak..hahhaha
ak nk tkar layout kt blog ni..kunun nk edit items la..yela..sebab blog sutera maya xleh retrieve dr sini..hrusla ak tkar link yg betol kn..so semasa ak hndak tukar tu, ak g tekan je clear elements..so dgn bgganya ak ingat that link which doesn't work will be erased..alih2, sume skali dh xde..hrusla aku bt satu persatu blik links yg ada kt blog ni..hahhahahhaha..kunun bijak IT gitew..bgga..hahhahaha
ak, fat n awan telah mendapat anugerah pemecah rumah berjaya malam ni..yela..we all dh g curi segala harta yg ada kt rumah ats dn menukar gntikan brang2 burok kiteorg dgn yg bru..so, dh cntikla bilik2 kami gitew.hahhahahhaa..
n, the latest..bru je ak dpat..ida nk suruh aku nyanyi ngan dia msa masca..GUYS, NYANYI OK..SUFYANA MENYANYI????.. pernah dengar ke such things?no aite???what on earth ida ni pikiaq smpi boleh ada nama ak dlam list nk menyanyi dia..hello kalau sore ak sedap cam mariah carey ke apa ke..ok la..ni mcm burung gagak je..slap2 berdarah telinga ak n org yg dgr sore ak..hummm..camne ni????xcukup ke ngan kebongekkan aku sekarang???haruskah ditambah lgu kebongekkan ini dgan memalukan diriku secara besar-besaran?

aihhhh.....

WHAT IF???

2008-06-25T16:05:00.000+08:00

what if i am not a girl instead i'm a boy?what will i look like? what kind of girl will i be interested in?what kind of boy will i be? will i be a sissy boy? will i be a tough boy? will i be a boy who always breaks girls' hearts or will i be the boy who always be the broken hearted one???what if...
what if i am born to the family which has everything? i mean a family which does not have any money problem at all. money is not a matter in the house. honestly speaking, money is like a tissue in the house. will i be the type of person who doesn't like shopping?because, people with money, always be the kind of people who don't appreciate life.. not all..but some of them..will i be like PARIS HILTON??hahhaha.. wonder2..will i be able to know the importance of money in this life like i do know now???i don't know..
what if i am the only child in my family?will i be happy like i do now? will i be lonely? will i miss the presences of sisterhood and brotherhood? will i be wanting younger sisters or brothers from my parents??? (humm..i don't want more brothers or sisters in my family now because i beileve the family that i have now is already an ideal family)..
what if i am not a bright type of person? what if my highest education will just be SPM or lesser than that, maybe PMR? where will i be now? what will i do at the moment i write this entry??emm..i wonder will i be a married girl if i do not further my study after completing my PMR or SPM?aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhh..i don't know what will i become if i am not here...i really mean it.. i have no skills or specialties that will make me quite a functional person..luckily i have the opportunity to come here..i'm grateful..really am..
what if i am a beautiful, smart, polished, gorgeous, ravishing, angelic character but a sexy girl??hahhahaha.. i now.. this "what if" will be a wild dream for every living girl in this world...but it is just a "what if"..hahhaha.. what if i am that kind of girl? will i still be interested in the same guy(S) i am now?hahhaha..note the "S"..will i be the type of person i am right now or will i be even more bitchier than now??humm..will i have lotsa frens??will i have lotsa admirers? hhahahha.. i guess, iw ill never fin out about this one..after all i cannot change the way i am now. but still i am grateful for it.. at least i have an operative brains, workable two hands and two feets..
what if i am not a malaysians, maybe some other citizenships???australian??american??tongan?? hahhahaha??fijian??? i don't know..u name it..i will be it..because, it it just a "what if".. hahhahaha.. humm.. wonder what will i look like?what will i be speaking out from my mouth? what will i be eating???oolart???eeeeeee..... geli.. geli..eeee.. what will i be wearing right now? leaves? maybe a bit posh, emm...tiger's skin.hahhahaha..
what if i am born maybe thousand years before this moment? humm..what will i be doing right now???i always imagine myself being the kungfu girl in one of the dynasties in china..even more "over" i will be the woman emperor at the time and i will be the one who give orders and commands regarding the military aspect of the nation.hahhahahha..xboley lekeh.. i know that..i know it all along..tp ini kn "what if " je.. my friend, fat once asked me what will i be in the movie "Three Kingdoms", i told her, i want to be the little girl who i know will be a great commander in the future, which is Emperor Ming..and i asked her, what will she be, she said, she will be the kampung girl but the most beautiful kampung girl in the entire village and the hero will definitely marries her once he sees her face.hhahahahha..

humm. i guess i will stop at this 7 "what if"s..hahhaha..lots more to come..but this is the most "what if"s i think when i have my free time..hahhahahha...=)

FED UP!!!

2008-06-25T15:41:00.000+08:00

humm..the title itself has already sent a clear message of what i've been feeling lately.. i've had enuff of this long, repeated and boring talk about this person..that person.. i'm sooooooooooooooooooooo tired of it.. so f**k out..i am here not to listen to ur life story let alone ur whatever story.. i'm soooooooooooo soooooooooooo fed up with all that things..i'm okay as long it's not too much.. u have taken all the spaces inside me and has made me listen to all the craps that you feel like i am interested to know about..or maybe you must have felt that i will die if i do not know what the craps are...ok, FYI, i don't give a f***ing damn about those craps.. satisfied?????eeeeeeeeeeeee....gram betol aku...saiko!!!saiko!!!saiko!!!

i have had enuff problems, so don't you come and put some more burden on my shoulders..i don't know how long i can take it..i really don't.. i have come to the point that i cannot tolerate those unnecessary things anymore..so go away..!!!!i have my own things to look at..

ok, i would like to end this blog, with a calm heart..wish me luck!!!i'm not that angry but maybe the words are bit harsher..but i couldn't help it..sorry..

what is the problem????

2008-06-23T23:54:00.000+08:00

humm.he told me the other day that he had to go to some place to do some ground work..so i told him, "Ok" as long as he will always be with me..so he said "ok, i will try my best but i can't promise you to be by ur side 24/7 as i don't know whether or not the place will have good reception. so i told him, "ok, i understand"...

but clearly now, i don't understand because, i sent him a couple of messages and in my sent items folders, it is stated near all the messages "SENT"..humm. i don't understand about this..ok, my positive mind tells me to believe that mybe even at the place where there is no reception, i can always sent messages and the messages will magically arrived at his phone, he can read them but the bad thing is he cannot even reply one of the messages even if he badly wants to reply it..humm..poor thing.. ok, my negative mind tells me that i have to ignore him as well as he, himself has no efforts or whatsoever in replying my messages. go to hell with the reception, if i can send him messages, he too can send me messages. right?am i right??

ok, the second thing that i really don't understand about this situation now is that, i tried to call him a few times and surprisingly, i got to hear ringing tones from his phone and shockingly, not even once he picked up the phone..humm..aihhhhh..my positive mind keeps telling me that maybe, he is busy with his ground work and he doesn't even have the slight amount of time to pick up my call. maybe, he keeps his mobile phone away from him n when i call him, he is not with the phone, so he couldn't pick up the phone..humm i sincerely hope that what i am forced to believe is true..humm, my negative mind tells me that he doesn't want to talk to you, so you should not disturb him with ur call and go find ur own life..he doesn't want to hear ur voice n he has silenced his phone so that he cannot hear it when it's ringing. he doesn't want to talk to u and he pretends to be busy or maybe he lies to you about the place has no reception at all..(humm, i wonder how i can get through to his phne but he doesn't get through with mine. am i being the one who is at the isolated place????)..oo GOd, i hate this....

ok, now, that i have poured all the dilemma in this post??so, now, what is the problem anyway????i don't know..anyone??

LEave Me Alone (i'm LonelY)..huhuhu

2008-06-22T11:14:00.000+08:00

humm. i had a wish that i wanted to feel how it feels like when i am alone. now, the wish has come true and i really don't like how i feel at the moment..but i know, it surely will go away..but along the time that i have to be alone with myself, humm..definitely i will go senseless and demented over that period of time..hahahhaha..lucikly, i always have friends who will always be there beside me and cheer me up..hahahhahaa.. (hopefully)..finger crossed..humm..

recently, i have nothing to tell. nothing special. nothing interesting. nothing seems to interest me and the list goes on..hhahahha..n the list will have nothing..penin2..

bubbye..sya mhu mkan n main game..buhsan..

it's HIS birthday..

2008-06-14T13:46:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to u..
happy birthday to u
happy birthday to my sayang..happy birthday to u..

hum, today is my sayang's birthday..emm sadly, i do not have the chance to post all the thingsthat i want to give him earlier..yer la..semalam bru nk sbuk beli kad kn..tp sya mmg ikhlas pun nk bg bnda2 tu..cuma terlewat skit..hehhehe..my friends said that i'm kedekoottt..yerla..habis beratus kt diri sendiri but i did not buy anything to him..humm..bukanla begitu, tp i did not know what should i buy for him..n when i asked him what he would like to have on his birthday, he said he wants to meet me..tp yg tu xleh la kn..itu lma lg la...hahhaha..so left unresolved.mmg xtau..so ini jela yg mampu disediakan ..emm tp bla nk g post plak kn..aihhh..busy betol hdup artis ni..hahhahahaha...

hummm..Boot's Day!!!hahhaahah=)

2008-06-13T22:58:00.000+08:00

emm..arini, kalu korg prsan blog yg lepas, supposedly, i had to do only that certain things that i had listed..anyhow, my plan did change..it had added some flavours in my day and had made my day a beautiful one..hehehhehe..

fat, my housemate, asked me yesterday, what wud i like to do for the rest of yesterday..i answered nothing much..just wanna walk to the city and buy a birthday card for my hubby..coz, today is his birthday..HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAYANG!!!!I LOVE U VERY MUCH!!!

ok, kmbli kpada cite...emm, so fat asked me if she can join the "walking" and i said, yes..absolutely...n we decided to take pictures together and i told her that i feel like i want to wear my boots..n fat told me she had the same feeling too..hehhehe..ni la kisah sebermulanya ari ini..hehhehe...

so, kteorg pun melaram la..cam mak datin rsanye..tp mak datin yg muda la..bkn la yg kerepot tuh...hahhahaha..siap sumenya, kteorg pun g la jln2..n lupa nk gtau..zaim pun ikot jgk..hehhehehe..

n..inilah hsilnya..mcm artis x?aihhh.but i really need to work on my smile and my postures..eeeee.hrus blaja lg ni..lihat ye hasilnya..

hum.this is my pic buddy: fat..sgat hebat kalu berposing..dia le yg nshatkn aku spya jgn buka kaki,,nant nmpak p**_**t..hahhahhaa.keji kan..xpela..at least nshatnye berguna...nmpak la skit keayuan..hheheh=)

i dreamt of nothing ++++++ i'm BoreDddddddd

2008-06-13T10:16:00.000+08:00

hehhehee...i dreamt of nothing last nite..beriya2 semalam nk mmp org yg smiling tu..tp xpunnnnnnnnnnnn..hhahahahha...hummm...i'm still on my bed..mlas nye laaaaaaa nk bgn.. i hve nothing to do today...humm.buhsaaannnnnnnnnnnnn.. what i would like today:

get up from this bed.
take a shower
do some treatment to my hair.
cook healthy meal..yelaaaaa....for a past few days, sya belom mkan nsi lg...n it feels bad.
humm, walk to the city
print some pictures
find some cute birthday card
head back to post office and mail it to my one
sleep
watch movie again
sleep

buhsan kn???? aaaaaaaaa..i don't know what to do..everyone else is busy with their own life problems..who am i to interfere in it???so better i do things alone..=(

emmm.it Feels Good

2008-06-12T19:25:00.000+08:00

hehhehe..i just came back from watching THE HAPPENING..hehhe..i think that the movie is great. from now onwards, i won't hurt trees...hahhahaha.. i love trees..i was restless in the cinema just now. the images were very disturbing and they became even more disturbing when i walked alone at the PRINCHESTER ST just now..eeeeeeee...so scary.. the thoughts of people hanging from the trees really bugging my mind and made me walked like rat..so fast i couldn't remember the dog which always barks at me..hahhahahha

emm..but i feel good. someone smiled at me when i was on my way back home..i gave him a warm smile as well.ish..u have made my day..i love it.hehehhe..i keep on remembering his face and i keep on smiling in front of my lappy..hahhahaha..

for a moment, i really can forget about anything that happens to me now.. i could not remember all the bad things that surround me lately and i just love how i felt for 2 seconds just now..heheheh..

i wish i dream of that guy tonite.hahhahaha...gedixssss.i know, but it's my right okay!!!!hahhahaha..i keep on smiling...even now...hehehhe...=))

I LOVE U SMILING GUY!!!

Verbz- Shopaholic

2008-06-11T20:14:00.000+08:00

HEheh..i AccIdenTallY FounD ThiS Song That I bElieve SuitS mE wELl nOw When i broWsed The IntErNet Las Nite...HahAHahah.. I Don'T kNow How To Put Song In mY Blog..hehehe..but just take a Look At the words...HahahhahAAh...I lOike iT..

Calling all shopaholics... where the credit cards
at?!

get ya 5's out
get ya 10's out
get ya 20's out
get ya 50's out...

i'ma shop shop til i drop drop
wearin' out a hole in my new high tops
rope chain swinging with my big gold watch
watch me, wish you got a casio, not a swatch...
i need to marry a man from belair
who can buy me de beers until the ladies is cleared
tryina get on the rich list
with 3 figure digits
like 'doctor doctor, is my purse annorexic?'
i hit the store to see see whats happenin'
clean out the shelves and leave with the manequin
80's queen, 3 finger rings...
yeah i can do it all with a lillte loose change...

i'm a shopaholic (x3)
and i'm outta control!

i'm a shopaholic, better take away my wallet
nothin in ma pocket and i'm out on a roll
i'm a shopaholic better take away my wallet
pockets got nothin' and i'm outta control!

hold up! you better hire a stylist
thought ya looked tight but the mirror was lyin'
like midas- i got a rope chain, a dope chain...
girl you been had,
they musta gave you the broke chain
my wallet may be empty but my closet is full...
and i can't be a fashion victim if it hasn't been done

i'm a shopaholic (x3)
and i'm outta control!

i'm a shopaholic, better take away my wallet
nothin in ma pocket and i'm out on a roll
i'm a shopaholic better take away my wallet
pockets got nothin' and i'm outta control!

if ya have expensive taste
never let a new fit go to waste
even if ya closets got no space
baby gotta stretch that dollar bill!

can't put a price on style
even if ya cash flow's on the last mile
we ain't talkin vanity
ju ju just originality
stretch that dollar bill!

i'm a shopaholic (x3)
and i'm outta control!

i'm a shopaholic, better take away my wallet
nothin in ma pocket and i'm out on a roll
i'm a shopaholic better take away my wallet
stretch that dollar bill!

HahhaHAhaha..What Do U thInk????Anyone???

:::sSssHhoPpIngggGG:::

2008-06-10T23:10:00.000+08:00

tHE pICTUre aBOVE dESCRIBES aLL tHE tHINGS tHAT i dID DURING tHE LAST fEW dAYS...HAHAHHAAH=)

ThingS tHat i Had BoughT during the LaST Few Days:

1. Red VerSaCe
2. SandAl
3. NuetrOgEna FaciAl WasH
4. NuEtrOgeNA MoisturiSer
5. WinTer CoAT
6. 2 GueSs HAnDbagS
7. GuEss PurSe
8. BooT
7. 2 Jay Jay jEaNS
8. 1 lEvi'S
9. TrAVEl Bag FunK Me
10. Rip Curl Watch
11. Glove
12. eARRiNGS
13. BJU2 aT cOTTON ON
14. bJU2 aT JAY jAY (I LoVE tHE bLACK sHIRT...aDA GmBAR pAK taM)
15. sPOrTSGIRL bAG
16. bED sHeEt
17. kEDs

EMM...i GUess I have TO stOP Here..DAH xigTLA..BUt i WILL certainlY REMEMber THE ConseQUENCES for These ACTIONs of MINE when I SwiPED the banK Card AT The eFTPOs mACHINES at eVERY stoRE I visiTED..hahHAHhaha..

AFter THIs very MOmenT, i hAVe To reSOrT TO meTIcULOuSlY sPEND tHE lITtLe aMOUNt oF mONEY lEFT fOR mY fOOD.. oR eLSE I HAVE tO lIVE oVER tHE thINgs THAT i HAD aLREADY bOUGHT..ISH.....EMM, fROM mY caLCULATiON, i GuESS i HAVE tO LiVE WitH mAGgI mEE fOR tHis MoNtH aS i haD sPENT aLL tHE mONEY tO LiVE luXURIOUSLy DUrING laST wEEK..haHAHAH..kUNUn2 nYA ReWArd MySELF aFTER tHE VERY aDAMAnT tiME dOING tHE aSSIgNMENTS..haHAHAHAH...DH LEPAS bALA iTU, sKARANG kNA PLAK bALA sHOPPING..hAHHAHAHA...PaDAN mUKa DiRI sENDiRI...

hUMM, BuT gUESSSS wHAT, MY paSSioN iN wATCHiNG moVIES sTILL NoT faDE aWAY aFTER thIS vERY MOmENT..oNE reASON THaT mAKES mE hAVE, MUST ANd shOUlD cONsUME oNLY mAgGI meE FoR THiS mONth, IS ThaT I wANT To WAtCH EVERY sINGLE MOvIE tHAT IS RELEAsED IN ciNemA..hUMM..ENuFF sAID..MY MoM aLWAYS TELL me THAT, iF wE wANT sOMETHING so BADLY, wE SHOULD IN rETURN, wiLLinG To aCCEPt WHatEVEr cONSEqUENcES THAT mAY oCCUR afTERwARDS..HAHAHHAHA..

oKAY, hAVE tO sTOP NoW,MY eYES bARELY OPen yET i WAnT To POST tHIS bLOG..hAHAHHA..sORRy fOR ThE wRITING OR whATSOEVER..mYBE THERE arE gRAMMatICAL MISTAKES hERE AND tHERE, BuT ThaT'S Life.HAHAHHAHAHAHA...meNGArUt!!!!gudNiTE

IT ENDED YESTERDAY :(

2008-06-04T11:07:00.000+08:00

HAHHAHA...look at the title.. ok..senang cite, the madness is not just a madness anymore. it is bigger than that. but i have to restrained my self not to become any "madder" in the mean time(ada ke word ni??? BIARLA!!!)). i have to control myself. but personally, i think it will be hard..hhahahaha..but i will certainly do it.

last nite i went to gp to do my last asgnmnt. but as soon as i sat in front of the comp, my mind went blank, i did not know what to do. i had no idea or whatsoever about the last asgnmnt. my mind was somewhere else. a place i should never be and a place i could not ever dream of going...i sat far from jannah, my buddy who accompanied me to gp coz i knew i was going to cry last nite, and crying i was...=( i hate this feeling. i hate it.i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. it's been so long i did not have this kind of feeling and last nite the feeling came back to me and it made my heart cry out loud. benci aku!!!!

so SUFYANA, FORGET ABOUT IT!!!! GO FIND UR OWN LIFE.!!!! N STOP BEING SO PATHETIC!!!!

OK, THAT'S ALL, SO KNOW THAT BY KNOW, THE MADNESS IS OVER. NO MORE MADNESS AND I HOPE NO MORE MADNESS!!!

PRINCE CHARMING

2008-05-24T11:15:00.000+08:00

aihhh..xabes2 lgi isu charming ni kn..yela....say what ever you want to say but i like to write about this issue..hahahahha...
actaullay, i've been meaning to write this blog since last week..but due to my busyness yg melampau2 itu, i've postponed it..tp supposedly, today pun xblh jgk because i hve tons of asgnmnts due in two week times!!!oh gosh.. at this point of time, i hve just finished half way through my presentation slides which need to be presented this coming MONDAY!!!!believe it???ooo yeahhhh..I"M A BIG PROCRASTINATOR!!!..ok..enuff about the asgnmnts..dun want to talk unnecessarily about that assignmnt thingy..

ok..
PRINCE=macho n kacak bergaya (LAbrador)

CHARMING IS COMEL..itu je..hahahah... (cow)

ok..let's not talk about it..nah..just see the pics..heheh..it will tell u everything..=)

{TemPoRaRy MadNeSs}..hehehhe

2008-05-19T17:03:00.000+08:00

hehehehhe..TEMPORARY MADNESS... hehehehe..what can you interpret from these two words???hahhahaha..for ida n myself, we just want to have fun...hahahhahaa..xlebey dr itu..but, honestly speaking, ak pn tkut jgk ter"carried" away with this madness..tp xnkla...it's not even real pun...hehehhe..

ceritanya begini, out of our boredom, ida n I have decided to create this "Temporary MAdness"..senang je bnda alah ni..u have to find the person that you like and keep talking about this person..hahhahahaa..aku n ida dh jmpa dh msg2 pnya kesukaan..hahhahahaha..

i told ida the other day, "aku pggl org yg ang suka tu "PRINCE"..."apa plak yg ang nk pggl org yg aku suka?" n ida pun jwab."emm.....aku bg nma "CHARMING"..heheheh..so, pndekkan cerita, org2 yg kmi suke tu nmanya PRINCE CHARMING..hehhehe..

hemm...i dun know about my true feeling..msa ak tgh tlis blog ni,asyik teringat muka CHARMING..hhahahaa..n nk tergelak pun ada..ala...bukan betul pun.suke2 je..hahhaha(hope so,xnkla suka2 kt org lain..pnatla)...

emm...so, now i like CHARMING and Ida likes PRINCE. together, we will work n achieve our "dreams"..hhahahaha..emm,but i sincerely hope that this madness will end soon..xnk lma2..nant tkut dibuai rasa..hahhahahahahah

emm..xleh pnjg2 n detail sgt..nant org tau..huahhuahuahuahau..

i better stop here.bye..

MY FIRST TAG...hehehe..Thanx FAT

2008-05-18T20:04:00.000+08:00

Instructions: Remove ONE question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
-i don't know about this stuff..i have never ever experience it. but i guessed, love at first sight equals to lust and looks.hehehe..sorry didn't mean to hurt those people who start relationship with this kind of love..(peace)

2. Do you eat without brushing your teeth?
- sometimes...kengkadang lapar sgt..xsempat nk berus gigi..nmpak mkanan je..tp xdela every day camtu..tmbh2 ada plak 3 org budak2 ni yg suke tgk gigi org..so, i better be extra careful about my teeth...hahhaha. tp sy mmg gosok gigi pun..

3. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
- HurMMMM.. i want to go to places where snow is everywhere..i suke sejuk2 ni..but my first place on the list is Switzerland..hope this dream will come true..

4. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
- urmmmm..kalu ada 1 wish je, i want to wish that i can have as many wishes as i want, and all the wishes will definitely be granted by that stingy genie...hehhehe

5. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
- it does happen. we always see rainbow after the rain..so, i guess it will not cost us a thing to believe in those "words"..org melayu pun ckap kna susah2 dolu, bru blh hidup senang2 nant..=)

6. Do you like being who you are today?
- i Love being the way i am..i love Nursufyana Ulfa Che Mustaffa, even tho i fell like i have to change some of my attitudes...hahahhaa..bcoz, my friends told me that i am a BITCH...hahhahaa.i dun care, they are bitches too.

7. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
- emmm..first bg separuh kt my parents la..dan duit itu terpulang kpada mereka untuk bt apa pn..pstu nk beli umah banglo..n lebihan duit itu, beli kereta. kereta yg murah2 sudaaaa...i xreti drive..hahahhaa..rugi kalu kereta mhal2 calar...hahhahaha..pstu kalu ada lg lebihan duit, sy mau buka BAKERY..itu impian sy yg sgt, sgt, sgt, sgt sy nk cpai...hehehhe

8. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
-ish..nk confess..tp malu n takut la...i'm afraid that he will reject me..i may not be his type and....i dun know...i like you, CHARMING (it is not love, like ok)...hahhahaa

9. Who are the top five people in the world you would wish to meet?
-rite now, i really wish i can meet with my mama, babah, adik, okie, ninie n azrol ..(ala terlebey plak..tp nk jgk 6)

10. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
- mmm..someone that loves me more than i love him.
- someone that will always be on my side.
-someone that always make me laugh.
-someone that always cherish me for the way i am.
-someone that sees my flaws as my great strengths and beauty..hhahaha..
n..the list goes on..bnyak la..sy bt list ni setiap msa..n so far, these "5 requirements" adalah yg wajib ada n selalu ada on my list.

11. Which type of cars I love the most?
-i love cars that can make me looks rich and elegant.hahahhaa.nk jd kaya...please.please.please..nk kaya..

12. Which do you prefer from your other half? hug? or a kiss?
- i prefer hug. i think i will love the way his body touches mine..oppsss 18SX...hahhahaha..ermmm..i'm waiting for the moment when both of us can hug and cuddle each other on bed..hehhehehe...but i dun mind kalu die nk kiss kt pipi or dahi...gosh, kalu kiss kt pipi, nmpk sgt romantik..it is not lust bcoz dahi tu cam..ish..xtau nk describe la..tp romantik la..kalu die kiss pipi nmpak comel...nk jgk..tp kalu lips....i dun know la..cam xnk je..hahhahaa

13. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
- i prefer for the others to tell me straight to the face becoz i will do same to them as well..i prefer straight-forwardness rather than kutuk2 belakang ni..if i'm the wrong one, i will apologize but if i'm not, e...the other shud know that they r messing with the wrong person..

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
- other than health, love and family i guess beautiful clothes..hahahhaha

15. Are you a shopaholic or not?
-emm..i dun know..maybe i am..hahhahaa..but one of my friends told me the other day that i am just like BECKY in shopaholic and the thing that differs me from BECKY is i dun shop coffee tables..hahhahaa..maybe not yet..we shud wait..hehhehe

16. What kind of electronic device/gadget you own that you like most?
- emm..i dun know..but maybe my IMI..hehhehehe

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
- i think i want to be more graceful on the outside...hehehhee..sy pun mahu manja2 jgk...

18. What makes you feel disappointed?
- when i feel cheated..

19. If given a chance, do you want to see your future?
- yup..i want that ability..i dun know why..maybe it can save me from wasting my time to the things or matters that will not even be parts of my future..huhu

20. Can we like sumone when we are already in love???hahhaha..
- i dun know about this..but maybe it's not good..hahhaha..no comment!!!

humm, i've done ur tag fat..but sadly, i'm new to this blogging thing..xtaula nk tag org camne n even if i know i dun have any other friends..hahhahaha..so i guess it is the end..huhu

~THIS IS ABOUT ME AND MY LIFE~

~leaving or not leaving??~

~anxiety~

~i have to do it all~

~action song~

~~What are you to me?~~

~is this for real~

~finding rocks~

~chipsmore~

~Happy 29th Anniversary~

~hahahha..my mom just don't want to listen~

~Twitter~

~posting~

~Graduation vs. Reception~

~new sanctuary~

i am back..for now..i guess

why am I still here?

::what's wrong with that face?::

how i wish...

::promises::

happy mother's day..

~emm..yesterday was the worst day of my life~

credit to Jannah..hehhe..for making the skin of my blog..a REALITY..huhu=)

uhuk2..demam..i hate it..='(

emmm..new start for this year

::it is hard::

~to U~

::~i HAVE to put an end to it~::

::it is indeed a SURPRISE::

::~membuat amal..amal ke~::ngeh2

::~sy yg sentap~::

::~hipokrit~::

::~apa itu cinta~::

::~suddenly i miss him~::

::~suddenly ak xtau ckap omputih~::

::~happy birthday mama~::

::~It's Malaysia-lah activity~::

::~last presentation~::

::~kECEWa~::

::~HOROSCOPE~::

The Bottom Line

In Detail

::~SEMPURNA~::

::~salam lebaran from Brisbane,Australia~::

::~apa yg aku bt~::

::~when we know, we just know~::

~this song is dedicated to U~

::kerusi yang bengong:::

i've been tagged..huahuahuahua=)

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any 1 questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

::saiko raya::

::missing CICI & TAMMY::

::beauty & ugly::

::between love, desire and security::

::i won't say anything::

:: i read it somewhere..none of these are mine::

::tensen!!!!::

::Popia Sardin::

::u now me better than i do myself::

::he makes her cry ONCE again::

::sentapppppppppppppp::

::keji kah aku?:::

::shoppppppppppppping::

::buhsannnnn n i'm the mistress of spices:::jeng jeng jeng

::break vs. clash::

::my new family member::

::aiemlonli::

::the value of your life time::

::hahhahha...funny..try to read it::

::Either love or not?? ::

::my family::

::20 ari mencari cinta::

::evil plan..hahahhahaha..but it's more like the gedixs plan::=)

::puteri terjun::

::i can't::

having your hair done is currently "HOT"=P

i'm bad

the trouble with love is..

it's been a day

it's all been said and done..

What are you to me?