::i don't want to talk about it::

sedey lgu ini..sswai dgn saya sekarang...



I can tell by your eyes that you've prob'bly been cryin' forever,
and the stars in the sky don't mean nothin' to you, they're a mirror.
I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart.
but if I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, my heart?

If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the colors of my heart;
blue for the tears, black for the night's fears.
The star in the sky don't mean nothin' to you, they're a mirror.
I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart.
but if I stay here just a little bit longer,
if I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, my heart?
my heart, whoa my heart, this ol' heart.

I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart,
but if I stay here just a little bit longer,
if I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, my heart?
My heart, whoa, my heart.

FRIEND OR "friend"???

humm..recently, lots of things happen to me and honestly speaking, i'm very grateful as these things have opened my eyes about my friends friends who are really friends and friends who are just friend..humm.. and at this point of time, suddenly my mind is struck by this sentient issue and i think the most suitable place to pour my heart about this issue is by blogging. i try to keep it very inexact as possible as i don't want to hurt further those who are hurt by me..hehhe.. what makes them real friends for me?

• A friend ALWAYS comes to the aid of a friend in need.
• A real friend ALWAYS defend one another.
• Real friends ALWAYS welcome and may even impose on one another at inconvenient times. they do not leave their own friends for something or someone else.
• Real friends do not take advantage on one another. They are friends for what they are. Not because they want something from one another or use one another to achieve something that they want..
• Real friends support each other for whatever decision that one may take without even questioning or criticizing them for the way they choose to live their own lives..
• Real friends do not abandoned each other when they face difficulties or when they face happiness..

emm..i believe these describe what constitute real friends to me.. what makes the just friends for me?

• They are there with you when you are happy but sometimes they fail to present themselves when you are sad n whatever excuses that they may give you the real reason will only be because, they do not want to share the hard time with you.
• They tried very hard to be supportive for you but in the end they fail to do so just by supporting you to make the wrong decision in your life..they may not realize it but the truth is the want you to crash and burn by your own decision..
• They try very hard for keeping you from knowing about the good things that happen in their life maybe because they feel that they do not want to disturb you.but the real truth is that, they want to keep the happiness for just themselves and they do not even want to share it with you.so don't bother asking..heheh..but the weird thing is, they want to know every single good thing that happens in your life. you just can't keep it as a secret from them because, if they know about these "secrets", you will be "over"..hahhaha
• They befriend with you because they want something from you. if it is not a tangible thing it may be because of the association. we call it friends with benefits..who knows?only God knows.

throughout my 22 years of living in this world, i have come to learn that we can have many friends but to choose real friends from the friends that we have is a difficult task to do, because it takes us maybe a lifetime to discover it..but, blimey, it can be done..with just a simple incident you can know who you can trust, n who are not. who you can share your secrets with n who can't you, who will always be by your side through good and bad times n who will leave you if u r on the unfavorable sides of things. you can tell by yourself n few repeated events will only provide you some support of your thoughts about them..but you, yourself can really tell who are your friends and who are just your friends.. heheh..what do you think? do u agree with me?

::AJWAD GEDIXSSSS::

another day has passed me by yet i'm still with my old habits and attitudes..doing nothing all day long..wasting time by sleeping and cuddling under my sweet comfy little quilt..aiyo...xleh jd kan..but i do not know what else can i do when i'm not having any class or lectures to attend.. oooo GOD...i'm bored to death right now.. humm, last nite i phoned my mom..we had a little chat about my current life. a little bit of gossiping going on last nite and we ended our conversation by me, asking my littlest brother to speak with me on the telephone...n dgn bannganya aku pun ckap kt dia..dia refers to AJWAD.

me : adik, kak pie ni..cheq dok wat apa?
ajwad:kmi xbt apa la..dok rehat2 ni..awat?
me : ooo..xaihh..kak pie sja nk tnya hampa, hampa dah g tgk belum Incredible Hulk?kak pie p tgk dh..be.....
ajwad: dh..kami pi tgk dh crita tu..humm kami tgk mughah je.. 5 kupang je..kami p tgk kt makmal komputer arini.best

(n dlam hati aku, aku xsmpat lg ckap crita tu best..kunun aku nk menunjuk la ak dh g tgk crita best n dia dh ketggalan, alih2 dia lg hebat dri aku..so, cra lain untuk "memusnahkan" ego budak kecik ni aku pun bertanya...)

me : hampa pham ka crita tu?dia kn ckap omputih?

(ko tau apa dia jwab???terbakar aku dgan mulut budak ni)

ajwad: mestilah kami pham..kmi pun tau omputih..

(oooo GOD...xnk mengaku kalah wey.. n aku pun sambung...)

me: humm xpela..hampa dh p tgk..kami ingat hampa xp tgk lgi..aaa....

(bru ak nk ckap adik, dia trus potong n ckap...)

ajwad : humm..xpala..hampa ckap ngan mama..kami letih sgt la la ni..kami nk p tdoq..

(waaaaaaa..sentap ak sebentar di situ n selpas tu, berdekah2 ak gelak..)

n aku pun continue the conversation with my mother..n last dh tu, nk muah2 segala la..mak aku ckap.

mama: opie, depa semua kt sini, kirim slam kt opie. jga dir....

(xsempat lgi my mom nk abis ayat, ak terdengar sore2 sumbang dri belakang)

ajwad: mama tipu..kami xsruh kirim slam pun kt opie..ckap kt opie, kmi xkirim slam kt dia..
(waaaaaaaaaa..aku pun blas)

me : mama, habaq kt adik, opie pun xkirim slam kt dia jgk..

(belum sempat mak aku ckap bnda tu kt ajwad, dia trus ckap dah..)

ajwad: habaq kt opie, kami xkisah pun..

hahhahahahha...lwak gila ajwad ni..ak rsa msa ak tgh ckap ngan my mom tu, dia x g tdo pun..mest dia melekapkan telinga dia kt phone tu jgk..hahhahaha...nway, perbualan ak yg sebentar itu telah berjaya membuat ak terlupa sebntar msalah2 yg ak ada di sini..best jgk bila gaduh ngan ajwad ni..dia mmg xbleh kalah..hrus menang setiap masa..n aku pun sma jgk..hrus xbleh klah..biarla..kakak ke adik ke..ak mmg xksah..mmg best pun gdh2 ni..N satu lgi, ajwad ni jgkla yg selalu bt ak happy pun..i love him very much!!! hahhahaha..sekian..=)

::HAHHAHAHAH...SILLY ME::

okes..nk tau bnda silly apa yg aku bt arini..bkn arini sgt la..lebey kurang 1 jam lepas..

• ak tgh dgar mp3 ak n suddenly ak terdengar lgu yg prnah aku dedicate kt seseorg..lgu nye adalah if it's loving that you want by rihanna..so ak mcm tergembira lebey n melompat2 gitew..yela.. i thought dj radio kt australia ni psang lgu tu..mmg sgt magic la kot..sbb lgu tu dh lma..hahhahaha..msa berjalan smbil berjoget dgar lgu tu, ak pun realise..HELLO...U R LISTENING TO UR OWN PLAYLIST IN UR OWN MP3..HRUSLA ADA LGU FAV KO..BONGEK.hahhahahhaha..lihat kebongekkan ak..hahhaha
• ak nk tkar layout kt blog ni..kunun nk edit items la..yela..sebab blog sutera maya xleh retrieve dr sini..hrusla ak tkar link yg betol kn..so semasa ak hndak tukar tu, ak g tekan je clear elements..so dgn bgganya ak ingat that link which doesn't work will be erased..alih2, sume skali dh xde..hrusla aku bt satu persatu blik links yg ada kt blog ni..hahhahahhaha..kunun bijak IT gitew..bgga..hahhahaha
• ak, fat n awan telah mendapat anugerah pemecah rumah berjaya malam ni..yela..we all dh g curi segala harta yg ada kt rumah ats dn menukar gntikan brang2 burok kiteorg dgn yg bru..so, dh cntikla bilik2 kami gitew.hahhahahhaa..
• n, the latest..bru je ak dpat..ida nk suruh aku nyanyi ngan dia msa masca..GUYS, NYANYI OK..SUFYANA MENYANYI????.. pernah dengar ke such things?no aite???what on earth ida ni pikiaq smpi boleh ada nama ak dlam list nk menyanyi dia..hello kalau sore ak sedap cam mariah carey ke apa ke..ok la..ni mcm burung gagak je..slap2 berdarah telinga ak n org yg dgr sore ak..hummm..camne ni????xcukup ke ngan kebongekkan aku sekarang???haruskah ditambah lgu kebongekkan ini dgan memalukan diriku secara besar-besaran?

aihhhh.....

WHAT IF???

1. what if i am not a girl instead i'm a boy?what will i look like? what kind of girl will i be interested in?what kind of boy will i be? will i be a sissy boy? will i be a tough boy? will i be a boy who always breaks girls' hearts or will i be the boy who always be the broken hearted one???what if...
2. what if i am born to the family which has everything? i mean a family which does not have any money problem at all. money is not a matter in the house. honestly speaking, money is like a tissue in the house. will i be the type of person who doesn't like shopping?because, people with money, always be the kind of people who don't appreciate life.. not all..but some of them..will i be like PARIS HILTON??hahhaha.. wonder2..will i be able to know the importance of money in this life like i do know now???i don't know..
3. what if i am the only child in my family?will i be happy like i do now? will i be lonely? will i miss the presences of sisterhood and brotherhood? will i be wanting younger sisters or brothers from my parents??? (humm..i don't want more brothers or sisters in my family now because i beileve the family that i have now is already an ideal family)..
4. what if i am not a bright type of person? what if my highest education will just be SPM or lesser than that, maybe PMR? where will i be now? what will i do at the moment i write this entry??emm..i wonder will i be a married girl if i do not further my study after completing my PMR or SPM?aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhh..i don't know what will i become if i am not here...i really mean it.. i have no skills or specialties that will make me quite a functional person..luckily i have the opportunity to come here..i'm grateful..really am..
5. what if i am a beautiful, smart, polished, gorgeous, ravishing, angelic character but a sexy girl??hahhahaha.. i now.. this "what if" will be a wild dream for every living girl in this world...but it is just a "what if"..hahhaha.. what if i am that kind of girl? will i still be interested in the same guy(S) i am now?hahhaha..note the "S"..will i be the type of person i am right now or will i be even more bitchier than now??humm..will i have lotsa frens??will i have lotsa admirers? hhahahha.. i guess, iw ill never fin out about this one..after all i cannot change the way i am now. but still i am grateful for it.. at least i have an operative brains, workable two hands and two feets..
6. what if i am not a malaysians, maybe some other citizenships???australian??american??tongan?? hahhahaha??fijian??? i don't know..u name it..i will be it..because, it it just a "what if".. hahhahaha.. humm.. wonder what will i look like?what will i be speaking out from my mouth? what will i be eating???oolart???eeeeeee..... geli.. geli..eeee.. what will i be wearing right now? leaves? maybe a bit posh, emm...tiger's skin.hahhahaha..
7. what if i am born maybe thousand years before this moment? humm..what will i be doing right now???i always imagine myself being the kungfu girl in one of the dynasties in china..even more "over" i will be the woman emperor at the time and i will be the one who give orders and commands regarding the military aspect of the nation.hahhahahha..xboley lekeh.. i know that..i know it all along..tp ini kn "what if " je.. my friend, fat once asked me what will i be in the movie "Three Kingdoms", i told her, i want to be the little girl who i know will be a great commander in the future, which is Emperor Ming..and i asked her, what will she be, she said, she will be the kampung girl but the most beautiful kampung girl in the entire village and the hero will definitely marries her once he sees her face.hhahahahha..

humm. i guess i will stop at this 7 "what if"s..hahhaha..lots more to come..but this is the most "what if"s i think when i have my free time..hahhahahha...=)