AaiiiiiiIiHHHHHhhhhhhh

aiihh..don't know where to start and what words to begin with.i guess i have to start this blog using "aiiiiHHHHHHH'

aihhhh...this is the word that i have been using since i first stepped my feet in Malaysia last year and until now (heheh...even more now). not that i didn't like my home country but i just knew at that time that when i step my feet once again in Brissy, lots of things will come into my way...not just academic thingy but also all the things around me..

suddenly i remember the incident that happened last year during hari raya. it was my first time celebrating this festival away from my family and it was aslo my first time being "a-bad-mouth-girl-that-speaks-out-the-hidden-truth"..gosh..what a nickname!!! but it's me..whether u like it or not. come back to what i wanted to tell u earlier (about all the things that worry me ='( lorrr ). ever since the first hour i was in brisbane last week and until this very moment, i keep on thinking about FRIENDS..

there are certainly people who we can trust and cherish them as our friends and some are just don't. the incident that i told u earlier had made me realize whom my friends are..sometimes, even the closest buddy that we have can turn us down and become our most-great-enemy. aiiiihhhh..this is the second thing that worry me the most after all the academic stuff takes place.the reason behind all my worries about friends is i don't have anybody else in brisbane except for my friends.i know i still have my family wherever i may be, but still in reality i have nobody here except my friends.i'm hoping that the incident will never recur again.EVER...but still,if i have to say something that i believe it's true, i have to say it.pls pray for me that those things that i believe are true never reappear at least when i am still in brisbane!!!!!

other than the friend thing, i also have issues with my love life..aiiiihhhhh..i hope we (azrol+ i) can still going strong whatever odds may come on our way..heheh. AMIN...
i love azrol more than he will ever know and more than anyone else around me could have ever guessed. i know loving someone, shouldn't be kept as a secret, BUT this is not a secret, this is my own way of loving someone i truly loved and cherished..=) come back to azrol thing, i'm worried that his work will be the reason that gonna separate us apart..ooooohhhhhh NOOOOO!!!!! i don't want any other man to replace my sweet-other-half and i hope we will be together until the day one of us has to take our last breath on this world..AMIN..above that, i also pray that Allah will give both of us 'ketetapan hati'. don't let us forget each other and please make our hearts to still be one.

humm.stop here....bye

crush..

i decide to write blogs after reading one of my friends' blogs..they are quite touching and i'm impressed by the way she wrote them..though i'm not good at expressing my thoughts clearly, i hope by writing blogs, i can ease the pain and sorrow that i feel deep down in my heart n i hope by doing this, i can tell my life stories to those who by a fluke happens to read my blog..

i guess i'll start my blog with a story about my first crush that i did not even know for what reasons i fell for him..hahahahah..sounds crazy but it's true..i happened to know this guy when i first registered at my new school in Gurun when i was in form 4..at first, i was reluctant to transfer from my previous school in Sik cause i hated to lost contact with my friends in Sik..but, suprisingly, when i first entered the Gurun school gate for the first time, i saw him..and i knew from that very moment i would never ever wish to leave this new school ever again..hahhaha..new and fresh spirit in me..my PMR result wasn't too bad i guess so (but i knew it broke my parent's heart..let's forget about that for the time being..)and i was offered to do civil engineering in Teknik Alor Setar..as i said earlier, i never wished to leave this school, so i made excuses, excuses & excuses to my family and friends so that i could be saved from going to school that i never wanted to.hahahaha..

From the very moment i rejected the offer, the feelings in me started to bloom..(notice that i was in form 4 at that time)..oops, i almost forgot to tell you about him..he was in the technology class, quite tall (much much taller than me), considerably fair i guess and somewhat handsome..(but i did not like him because he is handsome,i just did not know)..the feelings that i had in me was a secret between me and myself only..no one ever knew this secret until my best friend, G-Ha, discovered about it when i was in form 5, after seeing the looks that i had in my face whenever people talk about him and whenever i accidentally met him..so, as a result of my secretive behaviour i was given a sweet punishment by G-ha..G-ha, who happened to live in front of my crush's house, decided to tell him about my hidden feelings..hahahhaha..i was not happy with it at first but after receiving a good response from him, i felt thankful to G-ha who indirectly helped me to voice out my suara hati..heheh..

our so-called relationship went well at first but suddenly it changed after i got offer from ove.c TESL..he started to detach himself from me..he started to treat me like a fool..and a fool i was..i continued to like him until i did not know when..during this time of foolishness, i broke many hearts and shed many tears..i lost myself in the paths that i chose to traveled by myself..i forgot who i was and what i was for..luckily i found azrol..i started to build back my dispirited world..it is hard..but i survive it..no more crush this year..i don't like him anymore..i'm free again..i'm in love with azrol now..

p/s:sorry about my first blog..i don't know what to write and how to write..i hope i'll get better for my second blog later..