crush..

i decide to write blogs after reading one of my friends' blogs..they are quite touching and i'm impressed by the way she wrote them..though i'm not good at expressing my thoughts clearly, i hope by writing blogs, i can ease the pain and sorrow that i feel deep down in my heart n i hope by doing this, i can tell my life stories to those who by a fluke happens to read my blog..

i guess i'll start my blog with a story about my first crush that i did not even know for what reasons i fell for him..hahahahah..sounds crazy but it's true..i happened to know this guy when i first registered at my new school in Gurun when i was in form 4..at first, i was reluctant to transfer from my previous school in Sik cause i hated to lost contact with my friends in Sik..but, suprisingly, when i first entered the Gurun school gate for the first time, i saw him..and i knew from that very moment i would never ever wish to leave this new school ever again..hahhaha..new and fresh spirit in me..my PMR result wasn't too bad i guess so (but i knew it broke my parent's heart..let's forget about that for the time being..)and i was offered to do civil engineering in Teknik Alor Setar..as i said earlier, i never wished to leave this school, so i made excuses, excuses & excuses to my family and friends so that i could be saved from going to school that i never wanted to.hahahaha..

From the very moment i rejected the offer, the feelings in me started to bloom..(notice that i was in form 4 at that time)..oops, i almost forgot to tell you about him..he was in the technology class, quite tall (much much taller than me), considerably fair i guess and somewhat handsome..(but i did not like him because he is handsome,i just did not know)..the feelings that i had in me was a secret between me and myself only..no one ever knew this secret until my best friend, G-Ha, discovered about it when i was in form 5, after seeing the looks that i had in my face whenever people talk about him and whenever i accidentally met him..so, as a result of my secretive behaviour i was given a sweet punishment by G-ha..G-ha, who happened to live in front of my crush's house, decided to tell him about my hidden feelings..hahahhaha..i was not happy with it at first but after receiving a good response from him, i felt thankful to G-ha who indirectly helped me to voice out my suara hati..heheh..

our so-called relationship went well at first but suddenly it changed after i got offer from ove.c TESL..he started to detach himself from me..he started to treat me like a fool..and a fool i was..i continued to like him until i did not know when..during this time of foolishness, i broke many hearts and shed many tears..i lost myself in the paths that i chose to traveled by myself..i forgot who i was and what i was for..luckily i found azrol..i started to build back my dispirited world..it is hard..but i survive it..no more crush this year..i don't like him anymore..i'm free again..i'm in love with azrol now..

p/s:sorry about my first blog..i don't know what to write and how to write..i hope i'll get better for my second blog later..