::sentapppppppppppppp::

1. okies..first of all, kesentapan aku yg plg dahsyat bru2 ni adalah river fest yg kurrrrrreng best..xdela xbest lgsung..tp xbest cam last year la...n i'm not the only one yg rsa camni..org lain pun rsa begini jgk..memula aku sentap sbb aku cam prsan bila aku lalu, mst ada org tgk..so apa lg aku ni dh start la gelabah..tetiba aku rsa muka aku cam terbakar..yela..aku bru first time pkai blusher seniri..aku cam rsa terlebih letak la..pstu disbabkan itu, muka aku jd cam udang terbakar la..bnyak la..sepanjang2 jalan tu aku asyik dok bebel2 smpai fat pun xthan nk dgr n dia kta.."nah, tgk seniri muka ang kt cermin"..aku pun amik n tgk la..tp cam normal je..xde la yg pelik pun..humm..tp mgkn hodoh kot..xpun pelik..
2. second sentap terjadi bila aku nk g duduk ats tembok btu itu..aku xde pun g duduk lg..bru je menghala ke arah itu..tetiba ada sorg pompuan omputih ni ckap. "sorry, this is taken"..eeeeeeee..meluat aku..bkan aku kebulur sgt pun kt tempat ko tu..dh la ckap kuat..bkn aku xdgr walaupun ko xnmpak telinga aku..meluat..kesimpulannya aku meluat...itu key point kt sini..mmg ko racist..aku tau tu..ooo..sbb aku pkai tdung ko igt aku pekak???ko ingat aku kebulur ngan tempat ko???eeeeeee.sentap!!!!
3. emm third sentap bila dh lma2 kteorg tggu kt tepi sungai tu, bnyak pulak makhluk yg dtg lmbt duduk depan ktorg..kalu comel xpe jgk..ni mcm dh besar tong..sentap aku..bukan apa..ktorg xnmpak..xnmpak lgsung bridge..tu punya besarnye makhluk tuhan yg ini..n ni yg plg aku meluat kalu duduk kt event yg rmai org..ORANG YANG BUSUKKKK..aku mmg xtahan..hidayah je than org camni..dia sggup g berdiri kt org2 camni.. n xlupa jgk two of my friends, fat n jan..diorg g je jt tmpat org busuk td..aku cam pk, xpela..kalu x g pun xpela..aku mmg xsggup nk srh reseptor bau aku ni mti sbb slalu sgt bau org busuk..meluat aku..tp last2 ida pun surrender jgk sbb die kta ada org kentut kt situ..so, cam dtgla kt tempat aku yg aman dmai dr segala bau..tp fat n jan maintain kt tmpat tu..n u know what????fat mengaku HDUNG DIA MMG XBRAPA BERFUNGSI SGT..hahhahah..lwak la..

apa yg aku bt utk menghilangkan kesentapan aku?
1. pkai bju cntik2..bju yg cantik memberikan aku rsa puas hati..rsa gembra n rsa cntik la obviously..hahhahaha..
2. mkan.mkan strawberry with chocolate dip..rsa nikmat sngt..lgpun aku lapar tym tu..so apa je mkanan rsa nikmat yg sgt xtrhgga tu..
3. people-watch..ya Allah, semalam la msanya kteorg hone our talents in discussing bout people..bknla umpat keji mksudnya..tp adala jgk bnda tu..tp most of the time kteorg body org ni cntik..kaki org tu lawa..yg positif la..hello,people-watch doesn't necessarily mean producing negative statement bout others okes!!!!!
4. gedixs..

huahauhauah..so, itula kot..secara ringkasnye apa aku bt semalam..xbnyak..tp kn, b4 aku g situ, i had this weird-kind of feeling..aku rsa cam i would be given love there..yes indeed, i received love..huahauhauahau..CANTIK!!!!

bye2..muackssssssssssss

::keji kah aku?:::

guys....
keji kah aku kalu aku kta org yg duduk tepi aku dlm comp lab ni busuk????seyesly busuk..aku xtau nk bt muka mcm mna dh..hdung aku plak..cam dh penyek2..jp kembang2..nk than dri aku ni dri bau org yg busuk ni..aku tau itu sgt keji..tp aku mmg than..memula aku nk stay lma lg kt lab ni..tp bau bsuk ni bt aku ada second thought je..bau tu bau ke****..eeee.geli..start la aku..segala ttg org tu pun aku rsa ktor..aku rsa busuk..tp mmg pun..dia dtg je..hdg aku dh kembang kempis sense busuk..abis perfume aku..dh tak bau..slap2 ngan aku sekali bau cam ke****..ish....sentappppp!!!!!

emm..msa aku tulis entry ni..org yg busuk tu g mna ntah..lega skit aku rsa hdg aku..tp aku cam dh nmpak dia dtg blik...eeeeeee.meluattttttttttttttt
btw, mexico ada kt blakang aku ni..kt lab jgk..huahuahauahau..
aku cam rsa nk tukar computer lak..eeeeeeeeeeee


emmm.ni entry yg diedit sket..msa aku tulis ni..jumlah org busuk dh bertambah..dr 2 sekrang ni mcm sekampung ada kt sini..eeeeeeeeeeeee..busuk...menyampahhhhh

::shoppppppppppppping::

yup.. shoppppppping!!!!! emm, initially, "we" did not even want to go anywhere..particularly myself..yela, kunun, xde mood..xnk kuar..xnk mkan..tp xplak jd begitu..ada je bnda aku nk bt..kunun, utk gembirakan ati...memula, fat ajk g mkn kfc je..tu pun aku cam dh mlas..bukan apa..pnat i goreng ayam kelmarin dulu..siap bertopeng segala..pnatla, kalu xmkn aym itu tetpi mkan aym kfc..so cam mlas la..tp bila teringt xde bnda nk bt..so ikutla aku..so, bla dh jumpa ida kt klas..g la ajk jgk pompuan tu..so, kesimpulannya semua pun berstuju nk g mkn kfc..humm..niat awl cam baik jela..g mkn , round2 n blik..tp xde la jd begtu..bila dh round n nmpak sale, rsa cam berdosa plak kalu xbeli..ish..pelikkkkk!!!tp itula yg aku bt..sudahnya, shopping utk raya..hahhahaha..kteorg smpi sna dlm kul 1 lebey..mkn2 jp n trus shopping..blik pulak almost 5..tu pun still rsa cam ada kekurangan something..haih...

hsil2 tangkapan semlam cam bnyak la jgk..

• 4 belts.. (ni kunun blas dendam sbb belt2 aku yg lain adalah bab*..so cam blas dendam la..amik ko..puas ati)
• 1 dress (dress ni still dress bunga2 kecil lg..tp camne???ye, aku tau ada org kta aku ni mcm xtukar bju..tp sebenrnya x..aku mmg ada bnyak bju bnga2 kecil ni..n dress yg terbru ni, aku nk pkai msa riverfire..huahauhauahau..aku nk g bergedixs kt atas jmbtan..aku nak.!!!!)
• 1 jean (emm..yg ni sj je beli..habiskan duit..aaaaaaaaaaa...aku xde niat pun nk beli jean..tp bila org ckap nmpak cntik je..apa lgi, aku pun tergedixs2 la beli jean..tp xpela..boleh pkai msa river festival..hahhahahah)

humm..itu yg aku je..hsil tgkapan fat ngan ida pun bnyak jgk..tp aku xnkla tulis kt sini..kot2 le nant ada org mrah..hahhahaha..

humm, one more thing, ak dh tau....ak akn beli for future use..=)

byeeeeeeeeee..muackssssssssssssssssss

::buhsannnnn n i'm the mistress of spices:::jeng jeng jeng

haihh..sejak2 tenet xde kt umah ni..memanjang aku buhsan..xde apa nk bt..nk keja dh nk blik sgt2 dh..so xde org nk amik bekerja n most importantly, aku mlas..itu key factor nape aku xkeja..so bila dh memanjang buhsan, memanjang jgkla aku tgk tv..so bila dh memanjang tgk tv, hrusla asignmnt aku xbt..camne ni??xde motivasi ni nk bt asignmnt..skang ni aku kt lab KG. kunun nk cri resources la utk bt asgnmnt aku..tp apa..aku chatting jp td..tgk frenster..update profile..buka blog n skang ni tgh blogging..xsmpai lg aku ke niat n tjuan asl aku yg dtg nk cri resources tu..MALAS!!!!

humm, speaking about malas, td before dtg sini, kununnya nk dtg KG ni dlm kul 12 mcm tu..xde jd nya niat murni aku tu..kul 3 bru smpi sini..dh tu, bla dh ptg, mula la mta aku ni menggatal2 nk terpejam..so cam g library..lepak2 smbil tdo atas beans bag n terhegeh2 memalsukan konsentrasi terhadap reading yg susah..bila start je bca reading tu, aku tetiba rsa cam xpnah blaja BI plak..rsa sume words kt situ alien..ssah btul la nk comprehend those words..so, as usual, xbca abis laaaaaaaa...n lupa nk gtau sbb aku lwat dtg KG..aku ngan awn tgk cite..awan pjm dvd dr uni n aku tlg tgk la..kesian awan tgk sorg2..sbgai kwan yg baik xkn aku nk biar awn sorg2, so aku teman la..kteorg tgk MISTRESS OF SPICES..heheheh..merapu gila ceritnya..tp cam agk hebat la..as usual, aku hrus je nk kuasa2 bodo mcm tu..sape2 yg jd Mistress of Spices ni dia cam blh predict future la n dia blh tlg org yg dlm kesusahan dgn guna spices je..hahahha.comel kan..tp best je..tp ada jgk part yg xbest..sbb ada rules yg hrus dpatuhi sape2 yg jd mistress ni.

• rule 1: xleh kuar dri kedai spices tu. (yg ni cam leh consider sbb mgkn kalu aku yg jd hrus kedai itu besar n ada segala dlam tu)
  
• rule 2: xleh sentuh kulit org lain (i'm no angel..huahuahuaha..amt sukar)
  
• rule 3: xleh ada desires. (this is the hardest part..desires???i have lotsa them)
  

haih..amatla sukar utk aku mematuhi ketiga2 rules tersebut..camne nk shopping?camne nk menggedix?camne nk tgk movies?camne nk mcm2 la..haihla...n for those reasons la aku rsa xpela kalu aku xjd mistress of spices pun..hahahahha..tp yg plg best bila part chillies bg warning bila ada bhya..comel kan..hebat..aku ok je kalau camtu..aku nk kuasa itu!!!!


hahhaha..lwak..mnala ada bnda camtu kn..kalu ada..haihla..hrus best..
k la..ak nk kna cri resources ni..tp tgkla..jp lg la..nk g cri gmbar jp dlu..hahahhaa..
muacksssssssssssss.bye.

::break vs. clash::

humm.lately, aku senang2 je saiko.. n aku tau bila aku saiko, secara tidak langsungnya org lain pun akn trt terjejas ngan kesaikoan aku itu..tp bnda camni dh xblh nk elak..mcm wajib la saiko2 ni..tp yg pelik kan, saiko aku itu menyerang tym nk g kelas je..kalu xg kelas jrg la aku saiko..tp ada jugakla..i may look stronger on the outside but who knows exactly what is happening and churning inside my heart..only God knows..

humm, tp ari sabtu aritu aku ada la jgk melayan saiko aku di tepi sungai..ye, aku g tepi sungai brisbane n melepak kt situ almost an hour..xtau apa yg aku bt..tp mcm best je tgk air sungai tu..msa tu xde apa dlm kepala aku..aku rsa cam the weight has been lifted from my shoulder..tp cam mrah je la kn saiko theraphy aku..free ok..tnpa perlu mengeluarkan sesen pun..n yg plg pntg itu bt aku gembira..even just for an hour..i guess after this, hrus je berumah kt tepi sungai..hahahah..sungai itu happy...that's the bottom line.

umm, a friend of mine told me the other day simple analogy about break n clash..i thought i knew the differences but i guess i failed to comprehend these words..ok..analogy nye sng je..

• break is like the process that you take when you are commiting suicide..seperti yg digambarkan, mcm kelar2 tgn tu..let your wrist bleeds until you die..
• whereas, kalu clash pulak like you jump straight from the building n you suddenly die..no pain involved..i guess so..never tried and never will. (i'm talking about jumping from the building).

ok, see isn't it clear that the end "product" for both actions is "die"..i'm not suggesting that die equals to single and i believe neither does my friend suggesting it..cma, "die" tu mgkn symbolically means heartbroken..hehheeh..but earlier on, i did not believe him..so i said, i guess it's okay if we break because, even though you said that it's like you r in the process of commiting suicide, but there will always be hope..and my stupid idea as usual is hrus ada hospital..n if u r lucky enuff u will be sent to the hospital n get some treatment n you live again but with the "scar" of course..but it doesn't matter because you still be alive..but certainly in my case, there's not enuff ambulance to send me to the hospital n as a result (wahhhh ayt2 sains giteww), i'm left to bleed n i die eventually..=(..

humm, how's the explanation? does it help???..10q again U..

::my new family member::

hye..introducing my new family member..farhanis..she is my niece..i've not seen her face (i mean face to face)..this is the photo that introduces me to her..n this is the first time i "know" her..

bye...muacksssss..*mix feelings*

::aiemlonli::

humm..aku buhsan..skang ni ak ada kt lab GP..buhsan..ni bru nk tgk textbooks yg dh berzaman sampai..mlasssssssss..mlasss nk bt esaimen..xsukaaaaaaa....!!!!humm.

suddenly, i feel like a short stab at my heart..rsa sedih..rsa lonely..xde org nk kwan..xde org syang..hahhahaha..saiko.. i know that!!!tp sya rsa SUNYI.

humm, btw, he finally left me for good last few days..so skang ni i'm in the state of meroyan lg laaaaa...tp xpela..it's for the better.

i called my mom just now. told him about my "new" story.. know what my mom said???
"no need to cry..it's normal to live without a boyfriend. u r not going to die bcoz u don't hve boyfren"..

so, i had no point to argue..so, i just listened to her words and then suddenly i said,
"but, i'm lonely"

n then, we just kept quiet for a while n we said gudbye..xtau nk ckap apa lgi..i know, if i were to over-argue just now, mmg hrus aku nangis je kt bus stop KG itu..hahahha.saiko..yes i am saiko..

i'm bad
i'm bad
i'm bad

now, pdan muka diri sendri..bodoo!!!!!

::the value of your life time::

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:
When u LOST SOMEONE...

::hahhahha...funny..try to read it::

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on!!

::Either love or not?? ::

i've been a silent reader for this blog quite a long time..n last nite, i've found one entry that i believe it tells me more or less about love..so, i guess it will be good if i share it here..take a look::

For all you people who say, "I love you" when you have no clue what love is exactly!!!

Something to ponder upon...

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest?? -It isn't love, it's LIKE.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of her, am I right?? -It isn't love, it's LUST.

Are you proud, and eager to show hIM off?? -It isn't love, it's LUCK.

Do you want her because you know she's there?? - It isn't love,it's LONELINESS.

Are you with her because it's what everyone wants??-It isn't love, it?s LOYALTY.

Are you with her because she kissed you, or held your hand? -It isn't love, it's LOW CONFIDENCE.

Do you stay for her confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt her? -It isn't love, it's PITY.

Do you belong to her because the sight of her makes your heartskip a beat?? -It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.

Do you pardon her faults because you care about her?-It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.

Do you tell her every day she is the only one you think of? -It isn't love, it's a LIE.

Are you willing to give up all of your favorite things for her sake? -It isn't love, it's CHARITY.

If you love someone because you think that you shouldn't leave him because others think that you shouldn't
... then it's not love.. it's ~*Compromise *~

Does your heart ache and break when she's sad? - Then it's LOVE.

Do you cry for her pain, even when she's strong? -Then it's LOVE.

Do her eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts? -Then it's LOVE.

Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you to her? -Then it's LOVE.

Do you accept her faults because it's a part of who she is? -Then it's LOVE.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with her faithfully without regret?? -Then it's LOVE.

Would you give her your heart, your life, your death??-Then it's LOVE.

love is also when u hv to let them go..because u believe they deserve happiness more than they hv now..

If you let him go knowing that he has to go but he doesn't want to
... that's ~*Love*~

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for? This torture, this powerful death ourself? Why? The answer is so simple cause it's... LOVE. It is such an addictive thing that even people who are not having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well.

::my family::

emm., i have to be grateful that my family members are all here..not really a real afmily, but consider them to be my family..i love them dearly and my life is full of them.heheheh..ok, i will tell you a little bit about my "family"


ok, this is my big happy family..i love them all.

this is my babah..i love him because he is always there for me..i love him because he makes me feel safe every nite when i'm sleeping. i love the way he accompanies me when i'm scared every nite.hahahhaha..meet my babah..he's red in colour..i love him.now, i always sleep with him other than my mother and ajwad..hehhehe..i feel save.








ok, this is my mother..i love mama very much..because she is so soft. i feel at ease whenver i cuddle her. she feels so close to my heart..i love her because, her body fits into mine when i cuddle her..i sleep everynite with my mama beside me..
















this is ajwad..i love him very much..but i only sleep with him, whenver i am not very tired. not that i don't like him..but he makes a lot of noises..it's similar to ajwad in reality..hahhaha..i just can't sleep properly, if i sleep with him..=)






this is faruqi..i also love him very much..but, i seldom sleep with him. his eyes are so hard and they keep banging on the wall next to my bed..so, in short, they make lot of noises.hahahhaha..but, i love him..










this is my sister.ninie. i never sleep with her. i love her, but i don't think, it will be appropriate for me to sleep with her when she already has a baby..so, i xnk ggula...but, sometimes, i do put her under my head..it helps me to get a better sleep..if not because of her, i will get a headache.hehhehe=)







it looks like my mother..doesn't it???but no..this is my x..he can never be even almost like my mother..i loved him..he was always with me. every nite i would sleep with him..i would carry him whenever i went to unilodge. he couldn't leave my side..but, recently, i'm learning to sleep without him..i have to be prepare for all the possibilities.. so, gudbye x-baby.










this is Charming.. .emm.. he used to sleep with me, whenever i felt my whole world was upside down...but, now, i'm not so sure..sometimes, i will only cuddle Charming coz i think it will be too much if i sleep with him.hahhahaha..=) ~no strings attached obviously~







this is labrador..my friend..ida..i think i share evrything with her..i love her..i know sometimes she might hate me because of my stubborness, but i know, deep down, she loves me..hahahahha..betul x dayah??ayat2 prasan ni..hehehe..but, i don't care, i love her n i will always do..








and the other animals are my friends and my cats..sorry, i mlas nk upload gmbaq lg..tp xupload gmbaq2 itu, bukanla bermksud, sy tdak syang kmu..i love you always..to jan, fat and torn, i love you all dearly..

::20 ari mencari cinta::

i like it..i love it.. i won a bet..tp sje je..buhsan..sje je aku nk gedixs2..bila single ni hormon gedixs mmg melebihi thap mencukupi..so hrusla hormon itu digunakan utk menggedixs..tp xpe je..dgan menggedixs, sya lebih gembra..hahhahahaha=) n btw, bet tu xdela pntg pun..sj bhan utk menggedixs..maaf ye, beberapa hari akn dtg, anda akn msih nmpak word gedixs ni terpapar dlam blog..kranya, skang musim gedixs la...

emm, 20 ari mencri CINTA..mna aku nk cri CINTA tu???mcm mna nk tau CINTA yg aku jmpa itu, adalah utk aku??mcm mna nk tau CINTA tu milik aku??mcm mna nk tau CINTA tumencintai aku???mcm mna??dlam msa 20 ari ni, mcm mna nk discover all things about CINTA????humm..dh tu, nobody can help me finding CINTA..bukan apa, bg aku, CINTA itu eksklusif..hnya org tertentu je boleh tau n rsa CINTA..humm, so now, aku dlam keadaan yg bengong2..aku xtau apa aku kena bt..tetiba rsa cam nk dissappear je..mlas btul aku nk pk bnda2 ni..kesimpulannya sekarang, i'm in the state of saiko+ gedixs.......n i want CINTA!!!

n lately, bnyak org keji ngan aku..kekejian ini telah membuat kn aku dh rendah diri..humm, i feel inadequate..n sumtimes, aku rsa, bnda2 camni la boleh mempengruhi keputusan aku untuk mencari CINTA..i mean, kalu ko hodoh, buruk, gemuk, hidung kembang, gajah, apa lgi???, xknla ko xnk bergantung kepada org yg sukakan ko walaupun ko adalah seperti yg diatas(buruk, hodoh, gemuk n segala la) tu????haaaaaaaaaaaa...jwab2???ada org yg nmpak kecntikkan ko walaupun org lain xnmpak???xkn ko xnk berharap pda org itu utk berada di samping ko???mcm mna tu???mcm dh wajibla, org prmpn ni, mst la slalu nk drinya dihrgai..n dia akn menghargai org yg menghargai dirinya..complex2...xsukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...nk blik!!!!


xpela..nk tdo..nwey, aku ada sweetheart jgk dlm olympic thun ni..usain bolt..aku rsa dia sexy..hahahhaha..walaupun dia hitam..tp xksahla..i loike him..ye, aku tau, taste aku terhadap lelaki sudaaaa berubah skang ni..tp xpe je aku rsa..still lelaki jgk..xdela songsang pun.hahhahaha

bye2..muackssssssssssss=)

::evil plan..hahahhahaha..but it's more like the gedixs plan::=)

heheheh..it happened when i was staying in unilodge..as usual with my two buddies, ida n jannah..as usual kalu yg evil2 ni, jan xmsuk campur..jan angel.so, hrusla aku ngn ida je bt plan gedixs ini..ok, biar aku perkenalkn karkter2 yg ada dlm plan gedixs ini..

1. mii/ aii
2. shii
3. tutriwanfor

okies..karakternya ada 3 je..sket je..n crtanya begini...mii g la umah shii..n nk dibuatkan crta diorg dua ni buhsan..so, shii ajk mii trun bwah lepak2 smbil2 tu mengutuk org..so, mii pun bersetuju jela..n nk dibuatkan crita lg, shii tertinggal kunci bilik dlam bilik..reception desk plak dh tutup sbbnya dh lewat mlam..so, shii n mii kna la bermalam kt bwah je..tp, xknla 2 org perempuan nk bermalam di tempat terbuka n bermalam kt bwah je..so, mii pun trgt tutriwanfor yg tggl di dlm stu bgunan..alkisahnya, mii ni suka tgk tutriwanfor ni..n tutriwanfor ni dikabarkan suka kepada shii..so, hrusla, 2 org perempuan itu gedixs..so, plannye, shii akn tepon tutriwanfor n ckap kunci tertinggal..so blh x kalu dieorg dua nk bermalam di bilik tutriwanfor..hahahhaha..keji okess...n msa bermalam itula mii n shii akn bt gedixs yg thap dewa dewi n mnggoda tutriwanfor..hahhahahaa..kunun2 bonding moment gitewwww.itu la plan gedixnya..tp xde la plak plan tu dilaksanakan..


tp ida n aku dh bt sumthing yg mmg ktorg xplan pun..bt prank calls..hahahha..pdan muka..kiteorg call tutriwanfor tu..tp sekadar nk dgr sore die..n bla die dh angkt, kteorg pun letak la phone.hahahha..3 kli je..xbnyak..tp itu ckup utk membtkan tutriwanfor sentappppp..hahhahaha.pdan muka..sape srh ko comel sgt.hahahhaa

bye2..muacksssssssssssss..=)

::puteri terjun::

hve u ever heard of this term???xpernah??jarang sekali??heheheh..fat is the one who invented this term few days ago..humm..n that term describes myself..hahhahaha..puteri???apakah itu??humm, bru2 ni, ak dh jd puteri..humm PUTERI GUNUNG LEDANG lg..hahhahaha..mcm mna boley jd mcm ni??humm..

ari selasa aritu, ida ada la dtg umah..mkn2, sembang, n ngumpat2 sket..n msa tgh sembang2 tu, terkeluar la ttg performance dieorg kt ekka ni..n sal tgh png psal performance tu sbbnya dancers xckopppp..so, tetiba, ada la plak otak aku ni idea yg boleyla diterima pkai..nk kta bernas xla..tp ianya praktikal la kot..kot..hehehheheh..sbb kn trian asmaradana itu xcukup tggl jg ngn zatil je..so jg kna jd puteri n zatil jd dayang la..tp mstila xcntik kn..sbbnya dia bkn odd number..lgpun nmpak skit sgt plak..nmpak mcm puteri tu xde kwan plak..n nk djdkan cerita, bla dh skit, zatil ni xnk menari..so, xknla nk biar jg menari sorg2..kesian dia,.so, cdgan aku ialah: amik je mna2 org utk jd puteri..tp puteri itu xmenari..sbb dgn short notice nye mcm mna nk blajar menari kn..and jeng jeng jeng..dgn tiba2, tnpa akus edari, aku pun jdla puteri terjun itu..mcm konon ada pakej lengkap la..xpndai menari, kayu, n available..tp kurang skit la..puteri itu HODOH...hahahhaha..aku la tu..yela..

n thun ni, bdk2 mysia kna bt performance 2 kali..iaitu pda ari rabu n sabtu..ok, ari rabu tu, as usual, aku mmg akn gelak atas stage..aku pun xtau penyakit apa..tp HRUS gelak..mcm syndrom la plak bila pk blik..kalu xde ats pentas, xde plak nk gelak..oppsss dia ni bkn syndrom ats pentas, tp depan org..humm, performance, presentation..pape je la yg terlbat ngan org...AKU HRUS GELAK...humm, teringat one time tu, kna choral speaking dpan chrt, as usual, aku yg malas ni hrusla xde part yg best2 pun, skdr menyumbang sore je la..tp itu pun aku xbleh bt..bla g depan je, aku trus xigt bnda2 yg aku dh hafal tu..n last resort, aku buka je mulut aku..buka tutup.buka tutup..n dh..dh abis..hahahha.bodoh bukan..cacat sebenarnya..tp xpela..at least aku mnyumbang jumlah org..hahahhaha..

n berbalik kpada performance kt ekka ni, for the secnd time, ari sbtu, aku dh xgelak dh..sbbnya aku dh vow, xnk gelak lg..bila gelak, it makes me looks even more hideous than before..so, dh berjanjila dlam dri xnk gelak lg..tp tggu..aku xgelak, tp aku bt bnda bodaoh lain..humm..aku as usual xtau bila nk msuk..bla jg ngn zatil kta nk msuk, msa tu la aku bru tau kna msuk..kalu dieorg xde, hrusla xtau n xmsuk..so, disbbkn keadaan aku yg ebngong itu, aku pun tergopoh2 la nk msuk..abis sume kain org aku pijak..memula diri sendri.n then zatil..astu aku rsa cam jg pun kna gak..n pjak lg kain dri sendri..ishla.............bnda pijak2 ni xselamat..kalu la xbernsib baik..dh trjtuh dh jg ngan zatil semlam..x ke malu kalu jd cam tu.eeeeeeeeeee..sufyana, ko mmg dh kna sumpahan xboleh berada di depan org..ye, sya tau..mmg sya akn jd cacat bila ada depan org..tp nape??????!!!!..

humm, kesimpulannya, msa 2 events tu, aku mmg cacat..aku mmg maluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!tp xpela..bukan ada org tau pun..i xkesah..!!!!


hehhehe..bye2..muacksssssssssss..

i love
i love
i like
i miss

=P

::i can't::

humm..i didn't pay any attention to what the lecture was babbling at that time..my mind was empty..not really actually..i had this piece of time to review myself n my life recently..and suddenly i realized i lost soooooooooo many things by having my life done this way..tears were in my eyes..but how could i cry in front of the whole class..i had to hold back all the tears..n as usual, i became the psychotic lady..hahhahaha

now, read this::::

i can't cry..
i can't be sad..
i can't be bad..
i can't be in love..
i can't do anything..
i can't see him anymore..
i can't text him again..
i can't wait for him to wish me goodnite every nite..
i can't wait for him to wish me good mrning every new day..
i can't have his pictures pasted on my walls..
i can't miss him..
i can't love him..
i can't call him whenever i feel like i do..
i can't use his phone anymore even tho it was a present for me..
i can't wear the rings anymore even tho they fit me well..
i can't ride in his car..
i can't eat with him..
i can't go out on a date with him..
i can't be hugged by him..
i can't hold his hands anymore when i cross the roads..
i can't grab his arm when i am scared to death in the cinema watching horror movies..
i can't touch his face when he has something on his lips..
i can't argue with him when i'm shopping. he's not gonna be there to stop me from buying all those new clothes that i'll be wearing just to go out with him so that i'll be looking good..
i can't eat food with green veges coz he's not gonna be here to eat whatever veges i left in my plates..
i can't have that someone who listens to anything i say..
i can't have that someone who says i am beautiful even tho i know i'm the weirdest girl ever lives on the face of the earth..
i can't have that someone who always tells me that everything's okay when it is not..
i can't have that someone who remembers all the important dates in my life and celebrates it for me..
i can't have that someone who shares one important date with me..
i can't do anything that is related to that someone
n
most importantly i can't have him...

how i wish my life is not complicated as it is now..humm.in my class, maybe i'm a "magician" but in real life..i'm nothing..emm, i guess it will be good if i were a real magician.. i know what i should perform first..of course, get myself a whole package of being brainy and gorgeous..then, i will find a cute guy who wll love me and only me...hahhahah..what a dream..tp heran apa aku..aku punya mimpi..

having your hair done is currently "HOT"=P

hehhehe..many thanks i address to my beloved fren, dayah for her time and money for accompanying me to get my hair done in brisbane hairdressing school last wednesday..hehehhe..thanx beh!!!aku tau duit itu kmu mahu guna utk kawen, tetapi disebabkan kamu mahu melayan kesaikoan rakan kamu, maka, terpaksala kamu menghabiskan duit ituuuuuuuu..hehhehehe..

humm..that was the second time i got my hair cut since the beggining of the year..i remember the first time i wanted to cut my hair, aiyoooooooooo pk beratus2 kli b4 nk g kedai tu..nk ptg ke x ek?ok ke kalu ptg?seswai ke ngan muka aku?bnyak la pertanyaan di dlam otak ini..tp last2 g jgk salon itu..nrmbut aku dipotong jua...humm..nsib baik jan teman msa ni, so xde la prasaan myesal itu tebal sngt..hehhehe..for the second time, i wanted my hair to look diffrent from the usual..lgpun, i saiko..so, hrusla get rid of something..it is like a symbolic ritual for myself if i want to forget a part of my problem..it's like a theraphy..n i think having your hair done when you're suddenly "single" does help you a bit.. it helps me!!!..hahhahaha...so, i asked ida to accompany me to the salon..last2, dia pun nk jgk...humm, so, both of us, truskanla misi untuk mendapatkan rmbut bru..haihhhhhh..lma okes.... yg peliknya aku la yg lma..terasa mcm berzaman kt salon tu..pnatla...aku yg gunting rmbut ni sma je msanya ngan ida yg gunting n warna rmbut..sakit otak aku..hheeeeeeeeee..tp ok jgkla..at least, my mind is occupied with something else. it's better to think about something else rather than "that" thing....


so now, i'm quite happy with my new hair..even though, some of my friends say that they can't seem to find any differences between my previous look..i don't mind..i'm happy, maybe a part of myself now, is in a bin.(hopefully, my misery too is in the bin)...hahhahahha..=)

i'm bad

last night, i couldn't control myself. i fell for the temptation to sms him. i did n i felt quite bad about it. i shouldn't do it because i know, if i still give him hope, how can he moves on with his new life..GOD, forgive me, i'm so bad.. it was not purely my attention to hurt his feeling even further with what i've done recently..i admit, night time is the most prone time in my life now..hrus okes...mlam2 aku hrus gedixs, rindula..apa la..bnyakla..no..i have to stop..dear friends, please help me!!!now, i'm in KG..i should start doing the wiki thingy but my mind can't just seem to be getting anywhere there,, asyik terlekat kt sini je..camne ni..
bye-bye..aku da buhsan kt sini..nk bt apa ek?

the trouble with love is..

emm. just a few days ago, i have made quite a big decision regarding my life..now, i'm still in the heat of that decision. trying to move away from what i've used to do in my life not an easy things to do.. i still need a bit of time in adjusting myself to fit in the current situation that i'm in..few glitches are inevitably avoided...if i still miss him every nite before i fall to sleep, i can't help it..if i still be waiting for his msg every day and nite, i can't help it too..this is just a new thing to me..i still need time to fit myself in that situation. people do mistakes, so do i..

i'm in the wrong side..i'm the bad one..so you dun have to look at me with those sympathetic eyes..just be yourselves, like you were before this..i'm not asking, anyone to pay extra attention to me.. it wasn't in my plan to be the center of attention.n certainly, i'm not the center of attention.

this break/clash/ separation or whateva u may call it, is the best time for both of us to learn about ourselves.i need time to discover my true feeling for him.. if he has already known his feeling, that doesn't mean that i too have the same feeling. is he is certain about me, that doesn't certainly true, that, i'm too certain of having him in my life..i know, 3 yrs and few months, mybe quite a long period of time for me to make such decision only now.if not now, when can i be free to think about myself, this relationship and also him??if i were to wait for another year, it will only become worst because then, it will be 4 yrs..how abt that?does it make sense to what i'm trying to do now???mybe it's just my mistake not to do this earlier.but only now i have the courage to do so..i'm willing to let him go for good, if he really isn't the one for me..i'm willing to take the path where i have to be lonely in order to know myself and what my true feelings are..


and sincerely, i do not blame any of my friends who short to judge me abt this matter..they are there for me when i need them and i'm so grateful for that. they always be there for me to support me for whateva decision i made, make or may make..but, i can really tell, they are quite disagree with what i've done now..i'm sorry dear friends..maybe you are right, i'm not grateful for what i had and i'm a complex person..maybe..n if i were in you places, i will think the same too..

if what i've written in this entry may bring hurts to your heart, i sincerely apologize for that..i'm truly are..maybe i'm not so good with words, but this is the way that i can express my feeling..but, know that, deep down i love all of you...

it's been a day

wouushhhhh..it's only a day..i thought it's been a week..maybe, at my stage, a day equals to a week..so far, during daylight, i dun have any problem in reassuring myself that i'm gonna be okay..em..the problem lies with night time...it's been a hell of time for me now..i'm trying to control myself from contacting him. and only God knows, how long can i control myself and how can i control myself..it's just to hard for me not to contact him..but i know, if i don't contact him, the chances he meets with someone new is larger and maybe it will be good for him and also myself if that situation happens..he gets to know other girls other than myself..n i get to know what my real feeling for him too..if he happens to have somebody new, maybe it's a good sign that he isn't just made for me..and if i were to have somebody new, mybe it will be the sign for him that he is better off with a girl like me by his side..so after all, i guess this separation is a good time for both of us to learn things about ourselves..i hope he understand it..and i hope, after all the rationalization that i have made here, i will be strong too..please!!!

it's all been said and done..

emm..after all the time that i've been through thinking and rationalizing my actions to be, i've finally done it..not that i feel i've done something good, but i guess after all it is for him..i finally give him the chance to re-look at myself and also this r/ship. and as for myself, i am still in the bridge of deciding whether to call this decision as the biggest sacrifice i've ever made until this point of time or whether i should call it the biggest n foolish mistake that i've ever done in my entire life..i'm still deciding..

i know for myself that, night time will be the hardest time in my life now..even if i use the largest rationalize thinking or self-assurance, i will fail to compose myself..but i believe, it's just a matter of time, till i find this crying-weeping-regretting- regime as my new routine and habit..


it's so hard to own-up the decision that i've made. i know, there will be no turning back for me..i've to be strong bcoz, after all i'm the one who make that decision.and for him, i wish all the best..and for myself, i hope i can learn something out of this decision.

::Cruel To Be Kind::

have you heard about this phrase??um.recently, i have heard enough of this phrase..everywhere i go it seems to me that i will meet with this phrase..i've done some thinking n i thought maybe it is a sign that i should be doing the same..emm..maybe i am a bitch but not to the persons who are dear to my heart..i guess after all i'm just a bitch-to-be.hahhaha...


..i've been thinking about this matter not only tomorrow or last week but i guess it's all over my mind since 3 months ago..i've been thinking of being fair to this person (A) who is so nice n good to me..not that i don't like A, but i feel A deserves someone better as i do not feel as much as what A feels towards me. so, i want to set the record straight..no more injustice being done to other human being because of my selfishness..but, just to think about doing it, it reaps my heart badly as i know, if i am the one who calls and put an end to this relationship..it's not fair because i guess i am the one who builts it. it's built almost four years ago in the basic of using A in order to forget somebody else.it's not fair to A as i am the one who should be responsible in making this r/ship works but at the end, i am the one who wants to withdrawn from it..not that i don't love him, but i finally know that i love him and i just realise that i am being cruel to him for letting him believe that i love him all along since 4 years ago..i just love him last year. .but this year i'm starting to feel that he wasn't the one for me.n most importantly, i don't deserve to be with him. A can find a much much much better girl than me if i give him the opportunity to do so..


so the problem is now, that i have the realisation, it's so hard for me to tell him that i want to end the r/ship..i know he will be hurt if i say this to him n i know the way that karma thingy works...humm..so i guess, for this matter it will be better if he is the one who hurts my feeling. he is the one who cheats on me.he is the one who turns his back on me. n seriously speaking, i prefer to be the suffering one. i guess, maybe it will only be fair, if i am the one who feels the pain because after all, i'm the bad one..

so, at this point of time, i really do not know what to do..i love him but i cannot lie to him anymore. i should set him free n if there is a word called 'jodoh' between the two of us, then the two of us, should really be together whenever or wherever we are destined to..so, for now, i don't know!!!!!!!!!!should i be cruel to be kind????

bye..muacksssssss