::it is hard::

u know, sometimes frenship can be hard..we never know what will happen in this relationship as we do not have total control in this relationship..n it is even harder when you have to choose btween two sides..i do not want to be burdened by this responsibilities as i think that you are all my frens..my dear frens..you are my frens because you are by my side when things are not going my way so i value all of you for that..so, please...stop being like this..can't we just be frens like we used to be before..=)

~to U~

11/10/08

emm..sbnrnya kn..ssah nk gtau kt awk camne n apa yg sy rsa..sshla bila kta xknal sesama sendri n sy pun xtau smada sy blh pcya kn awk ke x..tu la msalhnya kn..2 ari b4 awk blik, awk ada ckap awk sukakan sy..tp mslahnya..lpas tu awk dh blik tmpat awk..n msa tu awk sendri ckap awk xkn blh cntct sy..memula sy ingt sy akn ok..tp x sbnrnya..sbnrnya, lpas awk bgtau aritu, sy dh rsa pelik2 ngan awk..sy rsa mgkn sy suka awk jgk..tp sy sendri pun xpsti..sy tkt nk berhadapan ngan prasaan sy sendri..sbbnya sy xtau pun apa yg awk rsa sbb awk tggl sy mcm tu je..dgn kta2, klu awk rndu awk akn msg mak sy mnta no sy dr dia..tp camne klu awk x rndu lpas tu??camne klu lpas awk xcntct ngan sy awk xrndu pun ngan sy..awk xigt pun sy n msa tu bru awk sdr sbnrnya awk sndri dh slah pham nagn prasaan awk sndri..tp sy xtau sbnrnya awk dh sdar yg awk slh..n sy trus je suka awk..mcm mna tu?skang ni..sy nk tdo pun xblh..asyik pk bnda bkn2 ni..sy pk kn lebih baik klu sy xtau pn bnda tu..sy rsa awk xptt bgtau sy bnda tu sbb awk akn tgglkan sy lpas tu..awk bkn ada ngn sy utk tjk kn pda sy bhwa awk ikhlas nk knal ngan sy..so sy xtau..sy pening kpla sbb bnda ni..sy xknal awl so sy xleh nk bt judgemt ats awk..sy xtau apa yg awk pk psal sy..kranya dlm keadaan ni, klu sy plh dia or awk pun, sy still akn jd jht..so, adakah awk dh bersedia nk kwan ngn sy yg jht ni?apa kta kwan2 awk?awk ada pk x sume bnda tu?mst kwan awk xkn suka sy..btul x?sape nk suka org cam sy..mgkn mula2 awk akn suka sy..tp lma2 bla awk dgr dr kwan2 awk..awk pn lmbt laun xkn suka sy lg..sy dh pk bnda ni sume awk..awk xamik risiko ni sorg2..sy pun ada jgk dlm bnda ni..n sy xtau mcm mna sy nk bgtau awk, btapa kompleks nye situasi skang ni..

apa mksd awk bla awk ckap awk suka sy?apa mksdnya?adakah awk akn trus berusha utk memenangi hati sya or berserah je sbb awk dh tau sy dh ada yg lain?atau apa?sy xpham bila awk ckap awk suka sy tu..sy xtau apa yg awk pk..ok..klu dh lpas awk ckap apa yg awk rsa..awak suka sya..lpas tu apa?awk bt apa ngn feeling awk tu?awk bt apa ngn sy?sy ptt bt mcm mna?sy ptt jd apa?sy ptt lyn awk mcm mna?sy ptt ckap apa?sy xtau..sbb sy xpahm bila awk ckap mcm tu pd sya..skang ni awk xde..sy xtau nk tnya sape..so bila awk ckap awk suka sy, smpi bila2 ke awk akn suka sy??or msa cti ni awk blh brubah fkran ke x?awk akn stop suka sy ke x?awk akn bgtau sy x bila awk xska sy?bla awk akn cntct sy?adakah bila awk xcntct sy tu mksdnya awk dh xsuka sy?sy xtau.sy xtau bnda2 tu.n sy rsa sy perlu tau sume bnda2 tu...sy rsa nk ngs je skang..sbb apa yg sy pk skang mcm awk ckap awk suka n that's it..awk nk bg sy serabut.n awk nk bg sy suka awk n biar je..camne tu.tu je..sy xtau apa yg awk pk..seyesly rsa nk ngs je..haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

::~i HAVE to put an end to it~::

the girl in the story told me that it is hard to be in her position..and i asked why???she said to me that..it is hard because it never ever happened before..this is the first time evr she meets with this kind of situation..after a long story session, i asked her to think about it thoroughly and decide what is the best for her..then, she told me that, she has put an end to the story and shewill go back and live my life normally as before..she doesn't want to hurt anyone..so, when the time comes, it will comes and she said that let not think about it first..she will deal the matter when the matter confronts her..she said that she doesn't want to force something that is just likely a "misunderstanding" and turn it into "reality"..so, i believe her and i wish her well..

Good luck dear!!!

::it is indeed a SURPRISE::

i like the surprise..it told me something that i did not hear for quite a long time..or i never heard of such things mentioned to me..it was my first time..and i'm still in the cloud nine..ngeh2..happppppppppppppppppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..but, if the surprise was a little bit earlier, maybe i could turn it into reality...i really like it!!!..

::~membuat amal..amal ke~::ngeh2

okies..ari rabu aritu..semalam la ye..aku pnye smgt bgn awl..xdela awl sgt..tp awl dua jam dr kebiasaan..aku nk g tnya st. vinnies kot2le ada yg boleh aku bntu..
sebenrnya, dlam hati nervous..kot2 le aku tetiba xleh ckap org putih ke..apa ke..yela..bukan nye korg xtau..aku mlas nk ckap omputih ni..n bila perlu ckap, mula la aku gelabah bewak..(biawak)..
aku pun bersiap seadanya..xnkla pki bju glamor sgt..kunun, sbb kdai tu cam kedai2 charity tu..so cam kena humble la..mekap pun xok..aku hnya apply lipbalm je..punya la nk bg nmpak natural gitew......heheh..
dh siap nk kuar, hujan plak..tp xpela..mmg dlm beg ada pyg pun..so trusla berjlan ke st. vinnies tu..msuk dlam tu..aku tgk ada sorg sepet ni tgh lyn customer kt counter..xkn aku nk p mnyibuk kt situ plak..aku pun bt2la tgk brg..tgk buku..n yg bestnya..ada stu buku kt situ yg best..chris manby (girls meet ape)..korg tau brapa hrga buku tu kt situ?2 dol je!!!!keji kn hrga die..mrah gile...tp aku xnkla shppng lg..kunun, aku budget..nnt bila aku dh memvolunteerkn diri aku kt sini, aku belila..
dh abis sepet tu lyan customer tu..aku pn dgn muka xmlu nye pergila tnya.."emm, do u need any volunteers right now"...sepet tu ckap.."yes, but i'll call the manager first"..so aku pun tggu lg la kt situ..tgk jam loceng plak..comel..10dol je..mrah kn..gila lah..astu manager dia dtg..smbg2 skit..tnya aku bt apa..dok kt mna..nape nk volunteer..astu tnya details aku..last2 dia ckap.."tgkla..nnt dia call sbb dia nk kena tgk roster dia dlu..so, mgkn ari khmis or jumaat ni i call"..so basically ni la yg aku dpt semlam..uncertainty..tp xpela..papepun aku dh try p tnya..so kalu xblh nk tlg, xblh la kn..camtu jela..heheh..
astu aku apa lg,,g jln2 west end borong bju la..hahahhaha..rsa gmbra plak sbb bt bnda baik..so, reward dri sendri..hehhehe..

for now, i'm still waiting for her call..tgkla camne..klu dpt, xdela buhsan aku dok kt umah nii

::~sy yg sentap~::

dear blog,
arini..aku sgt sentap..tp aku rsa aku sentap bnda yg btul..n they should be ashamed for what they had done..hahhaha..
n, interstingly, bla aku xbt jhat, org lain akn sentiasa bt jht kt aku..so, apa yg ptt aku blja skang ni?pttkah aku berbuat jht selalu??humm..i think i have to do this..i have no choice..poor me..
n, yg peliknya..aku ni mmg xdlahirkan dgn kapasiti untk kissing asses..pelik kn..rmai org yg aku jmpa suka kiss ass..yep..u r right..kiss ass..klu even dia mrah pun, dia ttp play it cool..aku cam wonder, hti dia ni bt dri apa??xde rsa nk own up to die nye feeling ke??umm..tp yg pntg..org2 camni, siap kiss some asses org yg bt die sentap tu lg..yg tu lg aku pelik..mcm mna bnda blh jd camtu kn..aihh..pelik2..tp anyway..itu yg bt org suka org2 camni n sort of despise org2 cam aku..tp xpe..kita blh hdp tnpa org2 mcm ni..ngeh2..

sorryla..utk msa beberapa arini, mood aku akn mnjadi tdak elok..sgt tdak elok..tp..tula kn..dh ada org yg menyentapkan aku..hrusla kn aku sentap blik..bnda tu xyah ckap pun ptt dh pndi pk..

tp untuk meredakan marah aku ni, esok aku nk p bt amal bkti kt st. vinnies..i knw mny people will doubt this..tp aku akn prove kpada org2 ni bhwa aku akn bt apa yg aku kta..not like some people who do not own up to his/her own word..so..basically, nk g bt keja amal tu, cam challenge for aku..i will take the challenge..SO,bring it on to the table baby!!!

::~hipokrit~::

apa tu hipokrit???ada bnyak kamus yg boleh jelaskan mksud hipokrit ni..tp dlm entry kali ni, aku nk jelaskan hipokrit tu berdasarkn apa yg aku rsa..so, mksud hipokrit kali ni adalah di bwah tajaan SUFYANA..ngeh2..

bg aku, hipokrit tu adlah bersikap baik kpada org yg kta xsuka..mksud bersikap baik ni bnyak..apa2 perbuatan yg baik..itulah bersikap baik..dr xtnjuk muka keji hggalah kluar ngan org yg kta xsuka..so, bnykla..ikut degree..hipokrit ni ikot degree jgk..kdg2, ada org yg thap hipokrit dia smpai melambung tggi, yg sggp kiss some asses itu yg maha hipokrit la..emm..xtaula kn mcm mna....tp ye..pape pun aku mgaku..kdg2 aku kena jd hipokrit..aku hrus..I HAVE TO BE HIPOCRITE.. bkan apa..nk berfungsi dlm dunia ni..mst kna hipokrit..tp thap hipokrit aku xde smpi melambng tggi mcm sesetgah org..kira thap hipokrit aku hnya membolehkan aku membuat kerja..bukanla smpi dikatakan angelic..haaaaaaa

bg aku, kalu aku xsuka, aku rela je kta tros trg.,.biar sume org jelas ngan apa yg aku rsa..klu aku syg, aku ckap aku syg..kalu aku sedih, aku ckap aku sedih..kalu aku gedixx, aku ckap aku gedix.kalu aku mrah, ini lg jelas,aku akn ckap je aku mrah..or xckap lgsg ngn org tu..sentapp okess...so, itula diri aku..

tp kengkadang ni ada org self-confessed kunun xckap blakang..kunun cool..kunun macho..padahal,blkang kta xtau apa dia ckap kn..tp tula kn dunia..pnuh dgn hipokrasi..skang ni, at the moment, aku berasa sentap ngan org..n i choose to ignore them..xsusah..jdkn dri aku invisible n butakan mta je..yg plg pntg, aku sentiasa tau, aku blh hdp je tnpa org2 tersebut..bukan susah pun..

xdela selama aku hdup kt sini, aku mkan pun dieorg tggung..xpenah okes..nk kta bt asgnmnt mnta idea dia..xjgk..so, basically, aku blh je hdp dgn selesa kalu xde org ini dlm hdp aku..so, klu aku xckap pun or xtgr pn org ni, basically xde apa yg akn terjadi..bnyak lg org yg blh aku tgr..

n for that org, jg2 la..sbb u won't know who ur true friends are until the day, you got the spot on you..msa tu, nnt bru ko tau sape kwan ko sbnrnya..tp basically, org tu pun dh pnah rsa bnda2 camni..so, xpyahla aku nk bg pergtan lg..die pun tau apa rsanya kalu org backstab kn..

i'm used to this backstabbing idea..so, basically, aku cpat je keluarkan force aku blik..n i believe, org yg bt slah akn tersa slah jgk akhrnya..so, biar lmbt ke cpat ke bnda tu..saat rsa slah tu akn smpi jgk..so, i'm fine with it..

utk kli ni, it's not even my fault..so, aku xrsa the urge aku nk mnta maaf or jd hipokrit ngn org tu.nk sondol2 muka aku kt buntut dia supya dia rsa gmbra bt aku xgmbra..so, basically, kli ni aku nk org tu tau aku mrah n sentap..biarla..xrugi pun..n utk kli ni, aku xnk jd hipokrit..bla aku mrah, i say it out loud aku mrah..

n most importantly, dear readers, i hate liars..n org tu ada tpu aku..so, i'm done with him..
n..to org itu jgk..watch ur back!!!