~is this for real~

haih..i woke up early this morning just to call u.but even after 2 hours u still did not pick up my phone..why u did this to me?aren't you happy i'm going to see u?why didn't you tell me the truth?i'm going to try to reach u again this evening.hope you won't disappoint me this time. even i am not in love with you, i still want to meet u..because u r my future..please..please pick up the phne..

p/s: i didn't know why i pressed the strikethrough button..that's why my entry this time looks like this..guess, it was my silly mistake then.hahahha

~finding rocks~

aiyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..it's so exhausting..even when i did not go anywhere to find the rocks..it is sooooooooo hard to pull the rocks out and now, my back is aching..i have not done it yet but i told my ma, i want to take a rest..just for a few minutes..guess i will be long after all..our new compound has sooooooo many rocks that my ma just refuse to go to the nearby waterfall to collect the rocks..she says, why waste so much energy and petrol if you have it in your own backyard..emm..guess i would not have the chance to go to the waterfall la.........hehhehe..=) tiring but i enjoy it very much.

Love,

Sufyana

~chipsmore~

i love chipsmore.

i miss chipsmore.

i want to go out with my chipsmore.

i want to hold his hands.

i want to eat with him.

i want to laugh with him.

i want to be near him.

i want to see him..ALWAYS..ALL THE TIME.

I WANT HIM.

~Happy 29th Anniversary~

Happy 29th Anniversary to my mother and father. i love u both the most..i'm happy that our family is still strong until now..i'm grateful i was born to this family. even though we have our shortcomings, we still survive it and still be together.. i love you and God blesses both of you and our family..i'm hoping that one day, my children will wish the same thing for me and Chipsmore..

Fingers crossed and hope for the best,

Sufyana.

~hahahha..my mom just don't want to listen~

heheheh..it's very difficult to talk to my mom about the IT thingy..she just won't believe what i tell her.hahahha..just now, she asked me if i could help her with her Excel. i said," i'll try my best". hahahha.. i told her to highlight all the items and press the CTRl and C buttons. but she did not listen to me and kept arguing with me. her reason was, she was afraid that i would ruin all the info and made her to start typing the data all over again..but hey, i'm quite good with computer..hahahhaha..i told her, "mama, biar opie buat,,mama ni slow la"...hahahha..statement anak derhaka tu..hahhaha..but, my intention was good and i just wanted to help her with her work.so that she could have done with it and chat to me..hoho..selfish thought..but, i only have few days left before i go to Johore..that's sucks..emmm..=(

Until the, fingers crossed and hope for the best,

Sufyana.

~Twitter~

i'm trying for the third time to log in to my Twitter account but all i get just the same results. the session is temporarily disconnected....oooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiii..tension.tension.. with the good internet connection, i want to update all my webby thingy..hehhehe..so that, when i'm away, people who miss me can still read something about me..hahahhaha..perasan..

Finger crossed and hope for the best,

Sufyana

~posting~

emm..i'm not so happy about my posting..it's sooooooo far away and i did not even mention the state in my posting form..i'm not sure what my future teaching will be but i am definitely certain about my not-going-to-stay-there policy. i have nothing against the state but my heart just doesn't belong there. i want to teach in the northern states. not necessarily near my homes but i guess i like it much more here..emm..sad beginning for the year 2010 and i'm sure i will have to face more difficulties as the year unfolds.. ok, about my posting, i will be teaching in Johore for next year and maybe the year after next year or maybe just as long as i'm in the system. Whereabout in Johore is still unconfirmed and i need to call JPN Johore tomorrow for the details. so, hope that i will be posted to the school which has easy access to public transports and shops..hehhehe

and until the, finger crossed and hope for the best,

sufyana

~Graduation vs. Reception~

emm..i'm in dillema..i don't know what to choose between the twos..i want to be greedy but i certainly can't.what do i have to do..the discussion that i had with my fiance a few days ago sent me back to my dillema. i have to make my decision and choose between the twos. so much complication arises as we both have lots of issues to tackle before we can be ONE. i have to think definitely about MONEY and he has to think about two most important thing, MONEY and the AVAILABILITY OF THE DATE (for sword barrel, kenduri n etc. etc.)..now, i don't really know what matters the most to me..me standing on in front of everyone else receive my degree or me also standing in front of every one else, in my white dress...oh GOD...please help me..let me see what are Your installment for me next year so that i don't have to worry on those unnecessary things..

Fingers crossed and hope for the best,

Sufyana

~new sanctuary~

i' updating this blog at my new home.feel glad because the internet connection that we have here is soooooooooooooo much better than we have in Gurun..hahhaha..now, i have lots of reasons to follow my family here. even though i don't really do any work that can help my father or my lil brother, still the fact that we are together in this new home makes me smile endlessly..even though my fiance is currently disconnected with me, i am happy because i am with my family..this is a new sanctuary for me and i'm glad i can be here..

i am back..for now..i guess

hi all..i am not sure what to write at this point of time coz i have nothing in my mind right now..i'm thinking about my lunch.about my weight and seriously nothing important in particular. i tried to gear down my thoughts as a new teacher to be, but i just failed to do so. maybe i am not ready to face the reality yet. I AM NOT READY TO BE A TEACHER.not yet.but what am i going to do..i have to serve at least 4 years before i can start cracking my brain on what i want to do with my life. now, i am enjoying my life as a student. doing things that only matter to me and taking all the pleasure to myself. that is all for now..i am thinking of doing major changes to my image next year and they include this blog as well.maybe i shpould change the title, the layout, or even my writing style.not sure yet but hopefully i will get it done before the end of this year so that the next year will all be new and fresh..

why am I still here?

::what's wrong with that face?::

what's wrong with that face???

the one thing that causes so much troubles..so much heartbreak.sheds too many tears..causes so many insomniac to me..emm..

because..HE IS AZROL LOOK-ALIKE..

how painful life can be when the one person that you once loved the most in the world appears in front of your own eyes when you really really want to "erase" him from your memory.
how cruel life can be when you see the look-alike is going out with someone else...you know it is none of your business but still seeing the face tears your heart apart..
i don't want to see your face ever again.not even your look-alike..i don't want anything to do with him..with you..or everything revolves around you..

huhu..it is okay..another 2 months left..then..i'll be busy with my new school. then, i'll be posted in -don't-know-where..

but it's okay...new atmosphere...new surrounding...new heart...new life...

how i wish...

how i wish...

• i don't have to feel the heartbreak.
• i don't know him from the beginning of my blossoming teenage years.
• i don't know how was it feel to be loved and love someone else.
• i don't even know his phone number.
• i don't even meet him in the first place..
• i don't know chipsmore.
• i don't even get attached with him.
• i don't know his history.
• i don't know his ex-es
• i don't add them in my friendster.
• i don't feel the insecurity.
• i don't feel like i'm not good enough to be with him.
• i don't feel less beauty than she is.
• i don't have to seek assuring words from my friends saying i'm a lot better than she is even though i know, deep down, what matters the most is how he feels towards me. what he thinks of me..
• I DON'T HAVE TO BE THE SECOND BEST IN HIS LIFE. ='(

lotsa crying done..em not sure what will be happening next..i'm trying to emotionally detach myself from him..trying not to develop any more feeling..let the feeling stay as it is now..=(

::promises::

memm..several promises have been made by myself early on this year..so far, still not able to keep those promises fully..i mean sometimes rsa cam dh tunaikan, but at times i really feel i go against the promises..humm..

1. nk diet..tp bukanla xmkan..just xnk mkn nsi mlam2..
2.xnk call azrol lg..but the last time i called him, i asked him for my money back..and so..i broke the promises i made with my mom


a. not to remember him ever again.
b. not to call him even if i have to die alone in my bed.hahahha..exagerating...i know..tp sje je nk kasi lebih umppphhhh..hahhaha..


3. nk publish one entry at least per day..tp tula.tgkla..bulan 5 bru start nk bt blog..umm..cmne?fail x?
4.rsa bersyukur n bhagia setiap hari yg aku lalui xkra with or without love..kna prepare for the worst..but alhamdulillah, now, ada chipsmore, i can breathe easy one more time..huhu..
5. nk bt asignmnt awl sbb xnk rush..so blh rehat..but so far, until the very last assignment i still did the last minute work..and, so far xtau lg result dia cmne..aihhhh..prepare2..
6. xnk boros..n this is the promise that i wont be able to keep until forever i guess..aaaaaaaaaaaaa..cmne..duet sudaaaa tiada...=(....hahhahahha..pdan muka..

that's all..mlas nk tlis dh..tkar sejdah dh terbentang..tp aku dok blogging plak..em.gtg

missing chipsmore..=(

happy mother's day..

mama.. i love you..
thanx for everything that you've done to me..
love you..love you..love you..
love you more than anything in this world..
mmmuuuaaaxxxxxxx..=)

~emm..yesterday was the worst day of my life~

• uhuk2..bgn pg rsa nk demam lg..
• astu mlas nk baca buku.
• rsa cam nk tdo je tiap msa..
• xnk bgn..n xnk amik exam..parah okesss...
• astu missing my chipsmore..again for what..zillionth times..hehhehe..(ada ke zillion)
• emm..astu bt plan mkan ngn ida bebeh..nk g amcorp.mkn2 kt rakthai..
• ok..this is the start of the bad start for today....
• looking for my purse..trying to find:

1. money
2. i.c

• both went missing..the first one, i did find some money..just a bit but enuff for me to go n eat at amcorp..but the second one, was totally missing..could not find it anywhere in my safe-keeping..meroyan okess..dh serabut pala ak cri i.c..pntg tau..like my chipsmore said..xde i.c xde kwin..haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...so saiko..
• tp yg peliknya, i went to amcorp even though i was officially at that time illegal immigrant.hahhaha..elok kena tgkap..jd minah endon aku..huhu..i went there..ate until my stomach hurt and ached..huhu..came back..could not sleep because of my missing i.c..humm..decided to keep it as a secret from my mother..but told her anyway..oo Gosh..could keep a secret from her..not even a bit..emm..meroyan stage 3 where i had to read for today exam.could not sleep until 4 a.m. this morning and sat in the examination hall with half of my name already written in the repeat list..oo my GOD..why?

emm..adkah sbb ak ska bergosip..so xley jwab exam?uhuk2..sedeynya..=(

credit to Jannah..hehhe..for making the skin of my blog..a REALITY..huhu=)

emm.. i tried to upload the skin as i told u before for two hours..but to my dismay, when i uploaded the skin, the words went missing and when i restored back the words, the skin had gone to unknown place..so frustrating ok..so, i ym-ed jannah my rumate whom at that time was not here by my side to help me with this blog thingy..so she told me..

.."xpela sue..xyah ssah2..nnt jan tlg tgkkn..esok pg jan dh blik.."..so i told her.. "ok jan..come back as soon as possible..missing u.."

heheh..so, earlier that morning she came back to this room..but i did not ask her since i know she was pretty busy at that time..so i waited..but when maghrib came and she asked me.."sue, biar jan tgk2 kn blog sue ek"..i felt overwhelmed.."yes..finally i can have the skin potrayed on my blog"..huhu..

n here it is..hsil usaha jan yg xspi 5 mnt..hahhaha..so, the post before where i said, cute x tu, msa tu xde apa lg blog ni..empty..nmpk itik je..hahhahah..sorry..tp nk jgk credit tu...hhahah.=)

uhuk2..demam..i hate it..='(

uhuk2..simptom2 demam yg biasa jd pda aku:

• lenguh-lenguh badan
• sakit kerongkong
• xlrat nk bgun
• tkut kena air..sejuk!!!
• kurang makan skit je..uhuk2
• asyik rsa nk bad mood
• emm..penin kpla..
• xlarat..

emm..tu je kot simptom2 demam aku..tp xpuas hati..sbbnya nk exam lg seari..i can't afford to be sick at this point of time..cmne?cmne?emm..xpe kot..sbb td dh srh dat g beli panadol..so mlm ni kna rhat awl la..astu td yennah ckap mgkn terkena swine flu..keji la mulut cik yenn tu..uhuk2..rsa nk blik umah..ni konfem blik ni..=(

emmm..new start for this year

hehhehe..a bit late to start now..but it is better late or never rite???hehhe..lotsa things happen to me this time around..dunno where to start..but i will start first by telling u how off task i am at this point of time..too off task to be told actually.hheheh..rite now, i shud be studying for the coming exam..not much time though..only few hours left..but hey, i'm only human and lazy human being like me, often off task..hheheh...i tried to change the layout for my blog almost for two hours..imagine what could i read during that two hours?ample rite..but nope..i did not do anything..aaaaaaaaaaaaa....it feels so rite when you do other things other than studying but if feels so tiring when u have to read books..especially for exam..=(

so, here it is..my end product of two beneficial hours..hahhaha..cute x?


p/s: missing chipsmore..waiting for the call..hehhe