::i can't::

humm..i didn't pay any attention to what the lecture was babbling at that time..my mind was empty..not really actually..i had this piece of time to review myself n my life recently..and suddenly i realized i lost soooooooooo many things by having my life done this way..tears were in my eyes..but how could i cry in front of the whole class..i had to hold back all the tears..n as usual, i became the psychotic lady..hahhahaha

now, read this::::

i can't cry..
i can't be sad..
i can't be bad..
i can't be in love..
i can't do anything..
i can't see him anymore..
i can't text him again..
i can't wait for him to wish me goodnite every nite..
i can't wait for him to wish me good mrning every new day..
i can't have his pictures pasted on my walls..
i can't miss him..
i can't love him..
i can't call him whenever i feel like i do..
i can't use his phone anymore even tho it was a present for me..
i can't wear the rings anymore even tho they fit me well..
i can't ride in his car..
i can't eat with him..
i can't go out on a date with him..
i can't be hugged by him..
i can't hold his hands anymore when i cross the roads..
i can't grab his arm when i am scared to death in the cinema watching horror movies..
i can't touch his face when he has something on his lips..
i can't argue with him when i'm shopping. he's not gonna be there to stop me from buying all those new clothes that i'll be wearing just to go out with him so that i'll be looking good..
i can't eat food with green veges coz he's not gonna be here to eat whatever veges i left in my plates..
i can't have that someone who listens to anything i say..
i can't have that someone who says i am beautiful even tho i know i'm the weirdest girl ever lives on the face of the earth..
i can't have that someone who always tells me that everything's okay when it is not..
i can't have that someone who remembers all the important dates in my life and celebrates it for me..
i can't have that someone who shares one important date with me..
i can't do anything that is related to that someone
n
most importantly i can't have him...

how i wish my life is not complicated as it is now..humm.in my class, maybe i'm a "magician" but in real life..i'm nothing..emm, i guess it will be good if i were a real magician.. i know what i should perform first..of course, get myself a whole package of being brainy and gorgeous..then, i will find a cute guy who wll love me and only me...hahhahah..what a dream..tp heran apa aku..aku punya mimpi..